My name's (still) Professor Pooh Garotte but you will at all times call me "Sir."
The following students have all passed their degree in Basic Assassination with flying colours and have chosen, somewhat bravely, or possibly foolishly, to be considered for post-graduate studies in our MA Assassination With Extreme Prejudice course;
Sjoerd the Sword
Kill 'em Willem
Jan the Quirm Strangler
Decapitating Dot-C
Poisondot
Sim-Shuriken-Stars
mC the Impaler
pip..pip..pip..BOOM
Places are limited so I will ask you all to participate in our entrance examination, in which we will seperate the wheat from the chaff.
Those of you who survive will be allowed to study using rare texts retreived from L-Space such as Hitler's "Mein Kampf", Polpott's "Kill Everyone" and Geogre W Bush's "Decision Points".
Upon completion of the course, you will be fully qualified in genocide, and will be able to become a Dark Lord (or Lady), own a white cat (or rabbit), live in a secret volcano lair (or anywhere else as long as you sprinkle a bit of basalt around) and attempt world domination, should you wish to so do.
The rules are on the noticeboard on the accompanying thread.
May I also remind you that three further rules must be obeyed at all times;
* No running in the corridors
* Lights out at 9:30
* If you chop somebody up into little pieces using a blunt and rusty kitchen knife, you must clean up the blood stains afterwards.
Roles will be secretly assigned later, but starting from now you are allowed to comment and vote.
That will be all. Class dismissed.
The first day ends on Wednesday 26 at 10:00pm UK time
Whoops! Sir's been a tad sexist. I've edited it. You may have all your wishes if you live Dotsie-pops. 
You're bluffing already to distract attention away from you!