ANKH-MORPORK TIMES
NIGHTWATCH GOLEM ‘SHATTERED’ IN ANOTHER DYSK SLAYING!!!!!
Dysk’s ‘Angel-Zombie’ In For Questioning!
In another bizarre twist, the now serial murder investigation at the Ankh-Morpork Dysk has chalked up another victim. Constable Dorfl
[Sjoerd 
] was smashed to pieces in the early hours of this morning in suspicious circumstances, whilst he was on surveillance duty outside the lodgings of leading freelance caterer Mr. Claude M.O.T. Dibbler
[Crys 
].
An almost speechless Mr. Dibbler described the incident outside his bijou warehouse penthouse as ‘unbelievable’. Talking to our reporter outside Pseudopolis Yard after he had finished giving his statement Mr. Dibbler explained that he was disturbed by loud noises outside, whilst he was entertaining Ms. Wanda Strumpitz
[pooh 
] who is currently in the city working at the Dysk with her employer, the foreign gentleman portaying Azabananana
[Dotsie 
] in the ill-fated production of TWONKEY! Still visibly shaken, Mr Dibbler added “I never saw anything like it in all my life! There was pottery… I mean bits of poor Constable Dorfl, all over the street like there’d been an earthquake or something! First I heard was this big bang and then it was like breaking glass shattering. We didn’t even know it was a golem until I found his Watch Badge on the doormat under a bit of his chest!”
Ms. Strumpitz declined to make any comment when she emerged from the Watch-house shortly afterwards. Sgt. Colon confirmed that she had been ‘most helpful on certain matters’ and was not a suspect for any crime relating to Constable Dorfl’s murder or the other killings at the Dysk this week. Ms. Strumpitz and her employer having both been questioned over the other killings at the theatre have now been given permission to leave the city for Badass in the Ramtops, where rehearsals are about to start for ‘a daring and spectacular’ adaptation of A Wintersmith’s Tale by Hwel (Vitoller Repertory Company).
In a separate incident the Watch, just after Constable Dorfl met his grisly end, took Mr. Mortimer Postlethwaite, the financial backer of the TWONKEY! production, into custody over ‘loan irregularities’. So far the Watch are saying nothing about any links with this enquiry and the murders at the Dysk, but the appearance of fellow Zombie Mr. Slant seen entering Pseudopolis Yard as our reporter was talking to Mr. Dibbler seems to confirm the severity of the situation. Mr Postlethwaite was taken into custody not far Mr. Dibbler’s abode…
The Times will continue to bring you updates of the enquiry as details emerge.
OO-ER!
Those dastardly theatrical types have got off free as air! Commiserations to Crysania and a big dollop of glue for Sjoerd – perhaps Dorfl can be put back together?
Very well played everyone!
