Corrupt-a-wish

[Quark]

I think the capital letter was quite specific enough

Anyway, wishes are now fishes. The result of this is that the world is almost instantaneously buried under the fish from all the wishes of people everywhere. 6.5 billion people, at, let's say, 20 wishes, makes 130 billion fish.
On the plus side, nobody ever goes hungry again.

I wish Nintendo had put a bit more effort into the last Zelda. Feels like they even used the same darned source code.

[Ponder Stibbons]

They do. BUt then you get hooked on it and never come on the forum again. Then you never corrupt my wish, forcing me to find out myself. Everyone else then gangs up on you in heaven, including pooh's glue-bottomed cat which creates a paradox even you can't solve involving traditionalish witches and angels in parkas.

I wish i knew what would happen if i blow up all tp forum members including myself

[poohcarrot]

You start to blow up all TP forum members to see what would happen. However you start with yourself, so everyone else is spared.

I wish Ponder would blow himself up.

[Quark]

You blow yourself up and go to he... uh... heaven. Unfortunately, your dedication to Discworld means you attract the attention of the God of Grammar with your nonsensical question, who, as a punishment, forces you to speak in past tense and in third person for the rest of your death.

I wish our Garry's Mod server was less glitchy.

[bikkit]

It is. In fact it only glitches about once every five years. Unfortuantly this glich is so huge that your computer explodes exreamly violently, coting you with a vey fine meatal dust. You go out in the sun and get mobbed and trampled to death by twilght fangirls who thought you were a sparkley vampire.

I wish that I could breathe underwater

[poohcarrot]

You develop gills like a fish and are able to breathe underwater. Unfortunately you can no longer breathe in the open air, so you have to spend the rest of your life in your bath.

I wish I could play the piano.

[Quark]

You can, but you can only play 'Chopsticks', driving everyone in the vicinity mad and you are eventually smashed over the head with a vase.

I wish Twilight had never been written

[mystmoon]

Granted, but then True Blood and Being Human are never made plus Dracula is recalled because noone is reading vamp fiction anymore

I wish for the complete Fruits Basket series

[bikkit]

A complete fruits basket series now exists. unfortuanately, due to a flux in the trousers of time, Discworld doesn't. so you never joined this forum...and you never posted that question...so discwourld exists...so you posted the question...

[bikkit]

I wish thi itch i have would go away

[Batty]

You then change your mind - and scratch the wish ...

I wish I had my own chauffer driven car.

[mystmoon]

Your chauffeur (sp?) has no sense of direction and believes that SatNav is wrong, leaving you always v. late and v. lost

I wish I understood more of the references in Discworld books.

[Quark]

You are given the entire Discworld series and told to read each book ten times over. Eventually you become obsessed to the point that you never return to these forums, and all the references you have learned are pointless and only serve to embarrass you in company when you make them subconsciously.

I wish I could alter the flow of time. (Want the holidays to last forever )

[Ponder Stibbons]

THey do. But then you find that the trousers of time have got their knickers in a twist and the holidays become a time for learning the meaning of the statement: "If you ever see a quark, crush it."

I wish I could know what people are thinking so i dont have to spend half my time wondering what they are thinking.

[Quark]

If you ever see a quark, crush it.

How are you supposed to see them?

Gah, Ponder, I wish for that too. I really do.
But that's not how this thread works, sooo...

You know exactly what people are thinking. You are amazed at the possibilities of this, and enrol in a chess competition. You quickly rise through the ranks - being able to predict your opponent's every move - and eventually challenge Stefan Bashkir, a world chess champion. Naturally, you win, but drive him into a frustrated rage and he bludgeons you unconscious with a handy microphone boom.

I wish I was better at Counter-Strike.