Corrupt-a-wish

[Danny B]

They are. Blissful in fact. So blissful, that they feel no need to procreate and ruin what's already a fantastic life. All species die out in a sad and protracted extinction event. Only Piers Morgan survives, due to his amoeba-like ability to self replicate.

I wish I didn't have to de-ice the garden path tomorrow morning.

[Quark]

Your house is buried in a volcanic eruption. You will never have to de-ice the path again.

I wish I was a student of the Unseen University

[Batty]

You get locked in Room 3b and are never seen again.

I wish I had all my marbles!

[Quark]

You do, but your lack of insanity makes you an outsider to society.

I wish I could write better.

[poohcarrot]

You write the greatest novel ever about a necromancer and a dragon, but it's so bloody long, 11x the lenghth of LOTR, that nobody on the planet can be bothered to read it.

I wish Japan won the next World Cup.

[Sjoerd3000]

Japan wins the final against North-Korea. Kim Jong-il is so upset by this that he launches a nuclear assault against Japan

I wish the Netherlands won the world cup

[Quark]

Aw, cmon pooh. It's got more to it than just that, and besides, my biggest worry is that it would be too short.

[poohcarrot]

(This better? )

You write the greatest novel ever about a necromancer trying to raise the former head witch of Sevenoak (A wizards' tower, suspiciously similar to the UU, except that all wizards live in towers) from the dead, for reasons I have yet to reveal, and there's also these seven dragons which control reality (which enter the story later as part of a highly stereotypical world-domination attempt). The rather bored King Arctros of Drakoldia gets caught up in all of this when he is nearly assassinated on the necromancer's orders, and at the same time, a delivery dragon by the name of Irikas is brought down in the mountains in order to fuel a spell of massive energy consumption that the necromancer is preparing. But it's so bloody long, 11x the lenghth of LOTR, that nobody on the planet can be bothered to read it.

Holland wins the final against Germany. Angela Merkel is so upset by this that she launches a nuclear assault against Groningen.

I wish the toilet paper wouldn't run out just when I start to wipe my bottom.

[Ponder Stibbons]

Instead it becomes a pain in the a**e.

I wish i didnt have holiday homework, i really do

[Quark]

...I'm not sure how to corrupt that. It's hard when I agree, in every way, that holiday homework is the stupidest idea since I decided to write a story.

Ok, you don't have to, but only because you invested every waking hour of the term doing it beforehand, and as a result you spend a ludicrous amount of time during the holidays sleeping.

I wish that people took me seriously

[Ponder Stibbons]

[bikkit]

They do, even when you're being sarcastic. You say "I love cabbage" by mistake and end up being allowed to eat nothing else, develop a wind problem and are alone for the rest of your life.

I wish I had some chocolate right now

[Quark]

Seeing as you didn't specify where you wanted the chocolate, here it is. You've got plenty of chocolate all of a sudden, but it's lodged up your nose.

I wish I was more intelligent. I mean, like, even more.

[Cheery]

You are, but you suck up so many books and scientific information that your head explodes

I wish I was a cat.

[Quark]

The young Skywalker has yet to learn between knowledge and wisdom...
Anyway, aside from the random impromptu Star Wars paraphrasing, you are a cat, but you're trying to catch a bird when suddenly it lands on you.
It's only then that you realize it's a helicopter.

I wish I wasn't an insomniac.