How'd you like to be an orangutan?

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How'd you like to be an orangutan?

Postby Casaninbetween » Thu Sep 25, 2008 5:14 pm

Hi!

As we all probably know, the librarian of the Unseen University turned orangutang due to a magic accident - and afterwards decided it was better to stay that way than return to his former human state.

That made me think: What if I had been turned into an ape of that kind? Would I have preferred the newfound simean morphology to my previous condition? To answer the question, let's view the pros and cons of orangutanhood:

Pros
Vast superhuman strength - The librarian is said to be three times stronger than a man, while animal books I've read state orangutan strength as seven or eight times greater than ours. I guess it all depends on how you measure it (I'm sure their lower body strenght is not as impressive, for example), as well as which orangutans and humans you actually compare.

Climbing - An orangutan's hands are bigger than ours, stronger, further reaching, and twice as many.

Clothes - Animals don't need them.

Instincts - While our libarian maintains his human intelligence in ape form, he loses some annoying, basic human instincts, such as our Freudian defence mehanisms and our general Weltschmerz (replacing them with a craving for peanuts and a tendency to eat them while hanging upside down by the feet).

Intimidation - A wild animal is generlly scarier than a human. A wild animal with mangy red fur, a huge yellow grin and arms twice as long as your own, is scarier than the general animal.

Cuteness - Even though they can be scary, apes can also be viewed as cute, which could come in handy at times.

Originality - An orangutan would definitely stand out in a crowd, which is nice if you want attention. And who doesn't sometimes?

Fame - An ape who's as smart as a human? You'd be on Leno in no time.

Cons
Age - An orangutan lives roughly half as long as a human. I don't know whether this will make the librarian age quicker and die sooner than he would if still human - but if it does, it's a huge con.

Language - An orangutan cannot talk - just ook.

Dating - Could become exceedingly difficult, should you keep fancying humans.

Jobs - Unlike the case of our librarian, chances are a species change would seriously hamper your business.

Scariness - As well as a pro, this is of course also a con. People who didn't know you would probably run away if you approached them on the street.

Social interaction - This has to do with previous cons, but still deserves a special mention. Imagine shopping, or going to the doctor. If the the word hadn't been spread about your condition, you wouldn't be able to do those things - people would just run away, or call the police, or both.

Hair - All that long red hair has got to be difficult to get out of the furniture.


Well, that was a few points. Before I answer whether I would like to be in the librarian's shoes... feet... hands, Id like to know what you think. Would you trade your present body for that of a five foot, twenty-stone, hairy beast? (cross that last part, I just realized all those things already apply to me). :oops:

Sorry 'bout the rambling. Cheers!
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Postby chris.ph » Thu Sep 25, 2008 5:30 pm

not sure about the dating thing as the librarian jumps over the wall of the patricians private menagerie every now and again. very naughty for a wizard :lol:
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Postby Casaninbetween » Thu Sep 25, 2008 5:57 pm

chris.ph wrote:not sure about the dating thing as the librarian jumps over the wall of the patricians private menagerie every now and again. very naughty for a wizard :lol:


I was thinking more along the lines of: How attractive would an orangutang be to a human? ;)

But I guess for a wizard it doesn't matter, since they're not allowed a love life anyway. :)
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Postby Katariina » Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:02 pm

chris.ph wrote:not sure about the dating thing as the librarian jumps over the wall of the patricians private menagerie every now and again. very naughty for a wizard :lol:


But there are no orangutangs in there, or other kind of apes either... :lol:
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Postby Jarmara » Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:06 pm

Casaninbetween wrote:I was thinking more along the lines of: How attractive would an orangutang be to a human? ;)



That question is probably addressed somewhere in the depths of the internet. I wouldn't recommend searching for though! :twisted:
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Postby Tonyblack » Thu Sep 25, 2008 7:15 pm

Let's not forget the 'con' that your habitat is being destroyed so that palm trees can be grown as a cash crop. :(
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Postby Casaninbetween » Fri Sep 26, 2008 12:31 pm

Jarmara wrote:
Casaninbetween wrote:I was thinking more along the lines of: How attractive would an orangutang be to a human? ;)



That question is probably addressed somewhere in the depths of the internet. I wouldn't recommend searching for though! :twisted:


I won't... Not before the magic accident, at least! :)

Tonyblack wrote:Let's not forget the 'con' that your habitat is being destroyed so that palm trees can be grown as a cash crop. :(


That would only be a problem if you decided to actually move to the orangutan's natural habitat. Which you might want to, should you want to negate the con of not being able to date.
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Postby TheMole » Fri Sep 26, 2008 1:45 pm

Well, when I think about being an orangutang, actually...Could I rather be a werewolf, please? It sounds much more fun :wink:
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Postby chris.ph » Fri Sep 26, 2008 5:31 pm

wots he upto then kat :lol: :wink:
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Postby catrine » Sat Sep 27, 2008 9:53 pm

Jarmara wrote:
Casaninbetween wrote:I was thinking more along the lines of: How attractive would an orangutang be to a human? ;)



That question is probably addressed somewhere in the depths of the internet. I wouldn't recommend searching for though! :twisted:


I had too

Google has 50,000 hits on that topic i think proving this is not the first time someone has thought of it :shock: :shock:
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Postby Casaninbetween » Sun Sep 28, 2008 8:52 am

catrine wrote:
Jarmara wrote:
Casaninbetween wrote:I was thinking more along the lines of: How attractive would an orangutang be to a human? ;)



That question is probably addressed somewhere in the depths of the internet. I wouldn't recommend searching for though! :twisted:


I had too

Google has 50,000 hits on that topic i think proving this is not the first time someone has thought of it :shock: :shock:

Haha, oh Gawd!
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Postby Casaninbetween » Thu Oct 02, 2008 11:54 am

TheMole wrote:Well, when I think about being an orangutang, actually...Could I rather be a werewolf, please? It sounds much more fun :wink:


Yeah, that would be cool! :)

Pros: Superhuman strength and healing ability, can turn into a wolf at will.

Cons: Has to turn into a wolf one week out of four, suffers from some dog-like behaviour (such as instinctively cathing things thrown at them), shunned by society - both men's and wolves'.

I'd say the good things outweigh the bad.
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Postby TheMole » Thu Oct 02, 2008 3:14 pm

And of course, when you keep running around with no clothes on, nobody makes a fuss about it...well, not for a long time :wink:
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Postby Casaninbetween » Sat Oct 04, 2008 1:35 pm

Hey, check this out... The Librarian is way too heavy... According to Wikipedia:

females can grow to around 4 ft 2 in or 127 centimetres and weigh around 100 lbs or 45 kg, while flanged adult males can reach 5 ft 9 in or 175 centimetres in height and weigh over 260 lbs or 118 kg.


So what is a flanged male?

Adult male orangutans exhibit two modes of physical development, flanged and unflanged. Flanged adult males have a variety of secondary sexual characteristics, including cheek pads (called "flanges"), throat pouch, and long fur, that are absent from both adult females and from unflanged males.


The Librarian doesn't have cheek pads, so he's an unflanged male... And he weighs 300 lbs.

Maybe he's obese, being a wizard and all...
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Postby bogieman » Sat Oct 04, 2008 1:50 pm

Casaninbetween wrote:Hey, check this out... The Librarian is way too heavy... According to Wikipedia:

females can grow to around 4 ft 2 in or 127 centimetres and weigh around 100 lbs or 45 kg, while flanged adult males can reach 5 ft 9 in or 175 centimetres in height and weigh over 260 lbs or 118 kg.


So what is a flanged male?

Adult male orangutans exhibit two modes of physical development, flanged and unflanged. Flanged adult males have a variety of secondary sexual characteristics, including cheek pads (called "flanges"), throat pouch, and long fur, that are absent from both adult females and from unflanged males.


The Librarian doesn't have cheek pads, so he's an unflanged male... And he weighs 300 lbs.

Maybe he's obese, being a wizard and all...

So he is an oranguwizzard :P
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