GUILDTY! the Ankh-Morpork Whodunnit Game

[Jan Van Quirm]

Patience, Gobsang - we have had word of the outcome and the Watch will be ready to reveal the results of their investigation very shortly. The Times are holding their presses in readiness for the statement in their early morning edition...

[Lady Vetinari]

Well here's a to-do - I am friends with Sacharissa - she say's it is the first time her husband William has held the front pages for this long ... She was getting bored of hanging around so came over here to have a mighty chinwag ... well, well ... I can't tell but it will be interesting!

[Jan Van Quirm]

* STOP PRESS * STOP PRESS * STOP PRESS * STOP PRESS *


ANKH-MORPORK TIMES

WATCH'S GUILD MURDERS INQUIRY ENDS IN TRAGEDY!!!

Unseen University mourns one of its finest!

Just before dawn Commander Sam Vimes of the City Watch and Duke of Ankh gave an exclusive interview to the Times announcing terrible news regarding the investigations into the recent Guild Murders.

Visibly moved, the Commander informed the Times that Captain Carrot and several other senior Watch officers including Sergeant Angua, had failed to prevent the vicious killing of Special Watch Officer The Librarian. It is understood that The Librarian, who as everyone knows is the Chief Archivist at Unseen University, had been guarding one Bikkit, 15 of the Pin Collecters Fanciers Fan Club as the most likely target of the now notorious Guild killers. Earlier the plucky Ape (Pongo pygmaeus arcaneus), of unknown age, had secretly acquired an article of Bikkit's clothing and sent it into the Yard for forensic to examine. It transpires that Sgt. Angua identified the same scent on the clothing as was found on the pestle removed from the crime scene at the Van Quirm murder.

A Flying Squad Officer (Buggy Swires) managed to get a message to The Librarian and helped the brave Special Officer as he pursued Bikkit (now known to be one Mr. Pin) making a desparate attempt at freedome across the rooftops. Unfortunately the Brave Officer was taken by surprise on the Temple of the Small Gods by Mr. Pin's accomplice and in a desperate fight the Librarian, outnumbered but dealing several telling blows was set upon from behind and pushed off the roof into the augury arena.

It is believed that Gobsang Poohcarrot, High Priest of Cynica god of Conspiracy Conundrums and Torrid Theories was in the process of sacrificing a small annoyed goat at the time and is still in shock at the experience of 200lbs of enraged ape almost hitting him and in a totally unintentional and understandly reflex action managed to stab the Librarian in the back by dropping a large machete in surprise. No goats were hurt in this incident.

In a later interview the Very Rev. Poohcarrot said "I'm gutted, absolutely gutted. The entrails gave no warning of this at all!"

His Lordship confirmed that both Mr Pin and his accomplice, known to be one Dotsie, who was also under observation during the course of last few days and, it now transpires is not other that Jonothan Teatime, a recently qualified assassin who has since been disowned by the Guild, are both still at large. Capt. Carrot, Sgt. Angua and other experienced officers are now 'hot on the trail of the killers'. Commander Vimes then told the Times that the two perpetrators had fled the city and the Watch were currently pursuing them across the Sto Plains.

The Times will issue an extra edition later today to report on reactions from the University and other institutions involved with responses to the sad passing of a true hero.

May you rest in peace, Sjoerd the Librarian.

[Jan Van Quirm]

"'Umble Pie! 'Ot as yer like! Git your 'Umble Pie 'ere! Hot and Juicy wiv fresh wombat!"

[Lady Vetinari]

Oi said Sjoerd was innocent ...
I was sure that Pooh was Mr. Pin, though it was evil making him the very reverend ...

[Sjoerd3000]

Pooh I´m very sorry that I thought you were one of the killers and that I broke the pact. It turns out I´m wrong and dead

But since I was innocent you will have to shave your head and become a monk

[Jan Van Quirm]

Got it covered Sjoerd! Hopefully his Very Reverendness will be similarly gracious no doubt

[Dotsie]

You've all been Dotsinated! Hahahahahaha what a funny joke!!! Hahahahahahahah!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

[poohcarrot]

May you rest in peace, Sjoerd the Librarian.

Sjoerd the pact-breaking turnip head (more like!)

Oi said Sjoerd was innocent ...
I was sure that Pooh was Mr. Pin, though it was evil making him the very reverend ...

Lady V , before you even got to play you had committed suicide. The two killers couldn't have a team of you and Sjoerd working together.
At the time I had sympathy for you, but when your wonderful judge of character decided I was guilty, all sympathy evaporated.

The same applies to cols.

In the first round, Sjoerd was was so guilty, he had to be innocent. I wanted someone to team up with, so saved Sjoerd from going to prison by having a pact with him to go for cols. I thought this would make him beholden to me and easy to manipulate.

Before the first round had finished, I asked him who we should go for next. He said Bikkit.

At the start of the second round, I immediately went after Bikkit with a side order of Dotsie.

However, Mr Turnip-Head decided to break our pact and refused to go for Bikkit. (He has already privately apologised for doing this, I forgive him, but I will never try to have a pact with him again)

As soon as this pact was broken, it was game over. I had no option but to go for Sjoerd. I have zero tolerance for pact breakers because I NEVER break a pact. (Remember this in future games)

Because I was hellbent on getting Sjoerd, assuming him to be guilty, his logical accomplice was Crysania. My apologies to Crysania (the only person I feel sorry for) but the blame for your arrest lies with Sjoerd.

When Crysania was arrested and shown to be innocent, the killers had to be Dotsie and Bikkit. The only chance I had left was to get the killers to think I was the Librarian and get Sjoerd to protect me. I sent three pms to him trying to get him to protect me (even attempting bribery - a 50 pound donation to Alzheimers if I was the killer). He refused to believe me and was convinced I was a killer.

I wanted Sjoerd to post saying he thought the killers were me and Dotsie, and ask Bikkit for protection. This coupled with my "rant" about pact breakers where I claimed to be the Librarian, was our last chance.

The rest is history.

Damn fine game though. I'm up for another one.

[Jan Van Quirm]

HAVE YOU NOT WORKED OUT WHY THE LIBRARIAN COULDN'T PROTECT YOU IN THE SECOND NIGHT PHASE YET YOUR VERY REVERENDNESS...?

I'd say that Sjoerd did try and stick to the pact in response to your initial overture at the end of the 1st day phase as he feared you might just get voted out too early as being far too much of a smartypants which is why thelibrarian (the non-player) got the elbow as you helpfully pointed out to Dotsie and Bikkit... The rest is a mess of misinformation and tub thumping with a very able and loud tub-thumper making out excellent but, for the most part, utterly wrong conclusions PMSL

~ Edit ~
And yes - another one, but I'm rather over committed for the rest of this month unless somebody else wants to help run it with me - or do it themselves. Not that hard if you're in the driving seat.

One thing that'd be useful to discuss is the assignment of key roles which I did purely 'out of the hat' apart from one person I put back into the draw , Crysania because she'd said that she couldn't get in every day and she originally had Angua ironicly. So I was really busy with that as you know. Anyway now people know how it goes do you think it's better for the narrator to 'cast' the key roles or do it randomly again?

[poohcarrot]

Has to be random.

Any narrator would unwillingly show their own preferences if they chose.

Sjoerd, why did protect me in the first round? I was in no danger.
(Appreciate the thought though )
I retract the turnip-head comment.

[Dotsie]

Sjoerd, why did protect me in the first round? I was in no danger.

Hah! That's what you think

[poohcarrot]

Nice to have you back Dotsie.

For the last two weeks there's been an indecisive, inoffensive, girlie, wimpy imposter that's been claiming to be you.

[Sjoerd3000]

WEll I thought and hoped that the killers would leave thelibrarian alone so Lady V. could take her place. At that point I believed you were innocent so I protected you. However in the pm you sent me afterwards you said you wouldn´t go after Dotsie. Maybe you and Dotsie were the killers and that was why you wouldn´t go after her. So I was having doubts if it was a good idea to go after Bikkit. I stalled my vote because I wasn´t sure the pact was now a good idea. In the end it turned out I was very stupid coz Bikkit was one of the killers and you were not .

[Sjoerd3000]

Eek!
YES YOU WERE VERY WRONG
Ook!
NO NOT NEARLY THE KNIFE DID IN FACT HIT YOU
The Librarian looked down and saw his corpse lying in the gutter with a very big knife sticking out of it.
Ook?
I DON`T KNOW IF THERE ARE BANANAS. IF YOU WOULD FOLLOW ME NOW
Ook?
I MEET EVERYONE SO I WILL SAY YOU ARE SORRY TO POOHCARROT WHEN I MEET HIM. AAH WE ARE HERE
Death and the Librarian were now standing in a desert
I MUST GO NOW I HAVE OTHER DUTIES TO ATTEND.
The Librarian was suddenly left alone in the desert he decided to rely on his nose and to follow the faint smell of bananas.
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