Jokes

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Re: Jokes

Postby Dotsie » Thu Jan 09, 2014 9:58 am

Mr Dotsie is a broken man! It's mostly the kids that broke him though. And since he no longer has time to watch any football, it could be worse (now he just finds out about his emotional pain second hand, from his brother).
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Thu Jan 09, 2014 7:31 pm

That's cruel Dotsie!! you should not be reveling in his pain, on the other hand though he likes football so maybe you should. ;) :lol:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Fri Jan 10, 2014 10:38 am

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plough can get through.

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plough can get through.

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...."

Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plough can get through?"

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the bloody car in the garage this time."
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby pip » Fri Jan 10, 2014 11:34 am

:lol: :lol:
'There is no future for e-books, because they are not books. E-books smell like burned fuel.'
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:48 pm

:lol: :lol:
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

http://www.bearsonthesquare.com
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Fri Jan 10, 2014 3:00 pm

Heard it before but still makes me smile. :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Kin Arad » Fri Jan 10, 2014 8:32 pm

:lol:
“Wouldn’t that unplug your heating pad?”
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:46 am

The Australian Love Poem.

Of course I love ya darlin
You're a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think it's very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

No matter what u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the cricket's on
And fetch another beer.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Tue Jan 14, 2014 10:03 am

Sorry Pip. ;)


Murphy applied for a fermentation operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.

A Pole applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Pole the job."

Murphy, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. this being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job."

Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."

Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?"

Manager, "Simple. On question number 7 the Pole wrote down, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I'."
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

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Re: Jokes

Postby pip » Tue Jan 14, 2014 10:19 am

IS it really weird that I knew a polish fermentation operator in a Dublin company.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Tue Jan 14, 2014 10:34 am

:lol:
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Tue Jan 14, 2014 10:36 am

A totally un-PC joke, but very funny.



Spoiler: show
A Glasgow policeman spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford car. He radios for backup.

"What's the situation?" asks Control.

"A big fat darkie is dancing on a car roof." the constable replies.

"You can't say that over the radio", replies the operator, "you have to use politically correct terminology"

"OK", he says: "Zulu....Tango....Sierra"
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Tue Jan 14, 2014 11:44 am

:lol: :lol: like it. :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Tue Jan 14, 2014 4:02 pm

:lol: :lol:
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

http://www.bearsonthesquare.com
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Re: Jokes

Postby chris.ph » Tue Jan 14, 2014 7:28 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
measuring intelligence by exam results is like measuring digestion by turd length
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