Jokes

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Re: Jokes

Postby michelanCello » Wed Oct 16, 2013 9:44 am

:lol:

Reminds me of this:
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Listen.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Wed Oct 16, 2013 10:05 am

Sounds about right!!
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Thu Oct 17, 2013 10:26 am

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby pip » Thu Oct 17, 2013 10:56 am

Ouch :roll:
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Ray Bradbury (RIP)
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Thu Oct 17, 2013 1:54 pm

:D :D
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

http://www.bearsonthesquare.com
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Re: Jokes

Postby Katblossom » Thu Oct 17, 2013 2:14 pm

:-) :-D
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Thu Oct 17, 2013 7:55 pm

:lol: :lol:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby jaznbonnie » Thu Oct 17, 2013 8:29 pm

Ouch! :lol:
Be careful what you wish for as you just might get it.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:33 am

At the end of his sermon the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation wanted to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood up and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, was in a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

A muffled gasp arose from the men in the congregation as the thought of the pain poor Phil must have experienced sank in.

"Phil was hurt so badly that he couldn't even hold me or the kids," Suzie continued. "Every movement caused terrible pain. We prayed when his doctors performed the delicate operation required to repair the extensive damage. Luckily they were able to piece the crushed and broken remnants of Phil's scrotum together and wrap it in wire to hold everything in place."

Again, the male half of the congregation squirmed uncomfortably, cringing at the thought of what Phil went through.

"Today," Suzie announced in a quivering voice, "Thanks to the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital. His doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

A great sigh of relief arose from the pews. The shaken pastor stood and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He looked around the congregation and said, "I'm Phil." The entire assembly held its collective breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Penfold » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:56 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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Re: Jokes

Postby chris.ph » Fri Oct 18, 2013 5:04 pm

:lol: :lol:
measuring intelligence by exam results is like measuring digestion by turd length
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Fri Oct 18, 2013 7:41 pm

:D :D :D
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

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Re: Jokes

Postby Conforumist » Fri Oct 18, 2013 7:53 pm

..very good one! :clap:
The greatest things in life are not things.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:22 pm

:mrgreen: :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Joolz » Sat Oct 19, 2013 4:44 pm

Image
Tune the world out, turn the radio up
Sing along to my freedom song
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