Okay, I'll try not to be melodramatic.
Some of you may have noticed that I have been on here less and less. This is not because I have less time to be here, but because I have less inclination to be here. Not because of the company, but because I find myself lacking things to say, and too preoccupied to deal with anything remotely resembling social activity.
I joined this forum about two and a half years ago after my attempt to write for the first TP Prize went nowhere. After a very rocky start, I eventually became a more moderate member. However, a number of events of late IRL have been telling on me, psychologically. One of these reasons, and one of the only ones I wish to discuss on this forum, is my writing ability. I received a blow to my confidence about it when I learned that I didn't even make the shortlist for the current TP Prize, and my writing ability seems to have been going down since then. I struggle to even be remotely satisfied with my writing, and I have very few avenues to publish my works, let alone make a career out of it.
In addition, there is a book I have been working on in various iterations for the past 6 years, and I've just about had enough of working on it. I can't get the f***ing thing to work, to come alive, and there are too many authors out there who can write a hundred times better than I can with a hundredth of the effort. The same goes for a number of novels I have in my stable. The only one remotely publishable is the one I did for the TP Prize, and even THAT one I want to redo from scratch.
I am also having a lot of trouble getting any enjoyment out of life. This has been a major problem for some time, and it's getting worse and worse.
So, for the time being, I'm probably not going to visit these forums. I probably will attend the Pratchett Partisans meet-up in Brisbane in early July, but until I have a breakthrough with this bloody novel, I don't think I can waste time on socialising, never mind being civil enough for it.
Be seeing you.
I've lived for over 2000 years, and not all of them were good ones. I've made many mistakes. And it's about time I did something about that.
-The Twelfth Doctor, Doctor Who: Deep Breath