Jokes

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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Mon Apr 08, 2013 4:04 pm

:? Do you think I have not seen her others Alanz :!:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Ghost » Mon Apr 08, 2013 4:09 pm

he's referring to a load of pm's I sent him
Ooh you cheeky little sea winkle
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Re: Jokes

Postby Alanz » Mon Apr 08, 2013 4:13 pm

He is.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Ghost » Mon Apr 08, 2013 4:14 pm

:P
Ooh you cheeky little sea winkle
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:02 pm

Thatcher's been in hell 2 Hours and 3 furnaces have been closed down already. :twisted:
I enjoy a good swim, but if someone asked what my favorite stroke was,I'd have to say to say Maggie Thatcher's...
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby raptornx01 » Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:04 pm

Food based on Doctor who's greatest villains would simply be.... Dalektable


What do you get when you cross the Great God Om with a time machine?

A Tordis


What did the buffalo say to his son when he left the tribe?

Bison!
"The reason an author needs to know the rules of grammar isn't so he or she never breaks them, but so the author knows how to break them."
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Re: Jokes

Postby Square12 » Tue Apr 09, 2013 12:30 am

Ok, re. The Thomas cook ones way back, I suspect the air con outside one was about Dalaman airport in turkey (I spent 7 years as a holiday rep) most common complaint in resort was "What are you going to do about the weather?"
Re. Dyslexia jokes did you hear about the dyslexic S.A.S. squad? They made an ass of themselves when they raided a Debenhams after 9/11 'cos they saw a sign saying bed linen <---(think about it) upstairs!

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Spoiler: show
lickalottapus


And her pet dog?
Spoiler: show
lickalottapus Rex


Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Spoiler: show
te keel 'er


Ghost walks into a bar Barman says "get out we don't serve spirits"

Descartes walks into his local, Barman says "the usual rené?" Descartes says "I think not!" And disappears in a puff of philosophy!

Piece of string sees a sign outside a bar saying "we don't serve pieces of string" so before entering he scuffs his shoes, stretches and twists a bit and roughs up his hair then walks into the bar. Barman says " are you a piece of string?" Piece of string replies "no I'm a frayed knot"

Warning next 2 are adult:

Spoiler: show
whats the difference between a chorus line of seamstress guild members and a conjurers guild member? the conjurer has a Cunning array of STunts!


Spoiler: show
What's the difference between a naked baby and a seagull? the seagull FLits across the SHore!


Ok that'll do for now
If you can fill the unforgiving minute,
With sixty seconds worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a man my son.
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Re: Jokes

Postby raptornx01 » Tue Apr 09, 2013 2:11 am

Woman at the doctor's office.

Nurse: The results are back miss, you're pregnant
Woman: You've got to be... Kid-in-me
Nurse: ... you only got pregnant so you could make that pun, didn't you?
Woman: Totally birth it
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Re: Jokes

Postby Tonyblack » Tue Apr 09, 2013 6:20 am

:doh: :lol: :lol: :lol:
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Tue Apr 09, 2013 6:01 pm

:lol: :lol:
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

http://www.bearsonthesquare.com
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Re: Jokes

Postby Ghost » Tue Apr 09, 2013 6:05 pm

Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Ooh you cheeky little sea winkle
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Re: Jokes

Postby chillicamper » Wed Apr 10, 2013 5:58 am

My dog's got no legs......I call him Cigarette.


Every evening I take him out for a drag :roll: :lol:
Wooden stuff at www.iwoodlovethat.co.uk
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Re: Jokes

Postby spideyGirl » Wed Apr 10, 2013 6:37 am

:lol:
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:01 am

A good friend had retired, and when we met I naturally asked him, "Now that you're retired, what do you do with yourself all day?"

His reply, "Well, now I am my wife's sexual adviser."

Somewhat shocked, I asked, "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"

"Very simple. The wife has told me that when she wants my f*****g advice, she'll ask me for it."
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Kin Arad » Wed Apr 10, 2013 1:05 pm

:lol:
“Wouldn’t that unplug your heating pad?”
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