Frustration Thread 4

[The Mad Collector]

Great news, hopefully this is the final corner and things get better from here on

[TinatheConfused]

Thanks guys! The teacher and I just had the kind of email exchange that would historically go tragically wrong. Got a response from her this morning and I'm so happy to report that it was sane and reasonable. This is a very good sign.

It was a huge relief to have the meeting go as well as it did. The first thing the director brought up was an email this teacher sent to the rest of the staff about me. This was a couple of months ago. She made some very snotty comments about me, meant only for the staff to see, but failed to remove my email address when she hit "reply all". The director apologized and said, "That must have really just knocked you off your feet when you saw that." So right from the start I knew we weren't going to spend time pretending that things hadn't gone wrong. That made the whole meeting so much more productive.

Quite proud that you had the temerity to stick it out. It is rough when you have asinine teachers who cannot understand the children they are supposed to be helping to learn. I had one teacher send home my son's report card for the THIRD QUARTER of second grade with all failing marks filled out for the rest of the year and a recommendation that he be held back. Such a bitch she is.

[Bouncy Castle]

Blimey, Tina.

Couldn't you show that to the Head Teacher?

[Catch-up]

Oh wow. Did you receive the grades from his first two quarters? Did the teacher give you any indication that he was failing at the conferences? Don't know what grade he's in, but I would think it would still be worth getting in there and talking to someone. Find out what's going on!

[=Tamar]

Oh wow. Did you receive the grades from his first two quarters? Did the teacher give you any indication that he was failing at the conferences? Don't know what grade he's in, but I would think it would still be worth getting in there and talking to someone. Find out what's going on!

Seconded. Filling out the last quarter's grades in advance is prima facie evidence of prejudice. You may have grounds for a lawsuit.

[Conforumist]

AArrrgghhh, I've had the last few seconds of the Goodlife Fitness theme running through my head for the last few weeks!

I'm going freakin' crazy!!!

[Who's Wee Dug]

Point the treadmill in another direction ie the ear and let it run out.

[Conforumist]

Point the treadmill in another direction ie the ear and let it run out.

Hushup!!!

[Del]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Tina!

I had to love the teacher who made H's IEP (name for what they expect her to succeed in for the year - goals) with counting to 100! Which she could already do! Have to sort all that out for High School yet. I have no idea where to start. You woulnt take the hand of a child in grade two or three and plonk them in a high school seat... and expect them to learn the lesson! ARGH! I feel like she is just "turning up"... like its a day care... no she would learn more at a day care. Oh let me not forget her tow short lessons in "literacy" that is for children who arent "up to speed" with the current level of other students!!!

Our country pushes students through the system... one chance at a repeat at ONE class in primary school and one repeat on a class in high school... the "extra" two classes a week are supposed to make up for that... inclusive learning and all I despair for my child.

Anyway.... found out that she was being bullied on her Facebook. Big time. She left her account open so I looked at the messages.... I was in tears! Showed Morgan and she was so upset. Close her account? The reason she HAS one is that we were teaching her how to use social media as its such an integral part of life here... and thought to do it while keeping a close eye on her.... HER page seemed fine... I was keeping an eye on it... and it HAS been good... taught her alot of lessons about fairness and being responsible.... it was the OTHER girls pages that were horrid. I didnt think to look at her friends pages... and I knew that all her "friends" were people she knew in real life....

They have posted things that "look" to H like nice posts... but they are foul. Things like "H as a boyfriend!... etc" (she had a little crush on a boy at the care center during Christmas) but the comments are backhanded and SO FREAKING NASTY! And H has commented on them in all innocence and they have had a field day with that as well.

Some of the private messages from two of the girls are just horrendous. "You are so stupid. You cant even talk properly you stupid #$%#*#" And the part that brought me to tears is that she has tried to swear back at them and failed horribly... and they came back with more nasty comments.... Oh dear god... the line after line of her trying to swear at them in capital letters... she must have been so terribly hurt and angry and powerless.

Then they blocked her... then apologised and friended her again.... so they could post more nasty messages to her and laugh at her again. omg.

As M said... I wish I was their age and in school and could beat the brains out of them. They know she is intellectually impaired. HOW could they do this to her. Will they ever reach adulthood and have ANY pangs of guilt about how they treated this young girl????

I sent a message to two of the girls asking them to remove the offensive posts or I would see the school and their parents.

so.. M and I had a long talk to her (she was very defensive at first)... and we blocked a few of the girls. M sent a message to one of the nastier telling her nicely what she was doing was mean. Thing is.. as much as she knows when they are being REALLY mean... she has no idea when the other ones who are pretending to be nice are actually be very mean too setting her up.... and I doubt she ever will. (Hence why she got so defensive about some of the girls... "No Mum they are nice to me! They are my friends! Dont ruin it!" )

Will have to sort this out this week at school... but I worry that it will lead to more nastiness at school. I dont think she has told me everything that is happening at school yet.

My heart is broken. I always used to say that the therapy and all was minor to what I was really worried about... H reaching teen years and what teens can do to an "outsider"... and the time is here and now. I am so worried for her. I am worried that boys will become involved too. I cant believe she didnt tell me any of this.. we always talk... and I am worried about what else she hasnt told us. I have spent the last week firming up our mother/daughter relationship big time (we are close in any case)... she has had SO much to deal with with the ex-arse being a total b***ard to her as well. (you have no idea) And I cant even depend on him by talking to him about this so he can help by watching her on social media at his place as he is such an ****hole he will only use it against her ... or me...

She has been off the wall with temper tantrums lately. Bursting into rages... but I put it down to hormones and starting high school and she had a really hard time during the weeks she spent at her fathers over the summer holidays. My poor little girl... no wonder.. dealing with this by herself.

Access to the internet is strictly monitored here now... though I cant monitor it at his place... I have convinced her that he can access her accounts (which according to M he can) at his place... so I have convinced her its best NOT to use his computer systems... (thats what he sticks her on to amuse her all day when he HAS to have her) but now we are back to weekend visits so its not such a long time for her to be offline.

On the plus side I did find two lots of messages from older students in grade 10 (three years above her). They were school leaders when she moved to the upper primary school and took the younger kids under their wings... they have kept in contact with H as the high school and the primary campus is connected. They were lovely girls who answered her little "Hi!" messages by asking how she was and if she was okay and to come and say hello during lunchbreak at high school... and you can FEEL the understanding and kindness of these girls. I shall hunt them down and give them a hug. Their parents need to know they raised such lovely young adults.

I would like to hunt the other girls down too... I know one of the parents of one of them very well and she would be devastated if she knew her girl had done this.... but parents can be very defensive about their children... and we have very strict rules about parents talking to children or other parents about things like this. I shall talk to the school.

Great! Nice lead up to settling her into high school huh?

[Errata]

*BIG HUGS* Del

[Dotsie]

Oh Del Definitely talk to the school, their parents need to know that their children are bullies. But at least there are some nice girls though, so it doesn't mean that H doesn't have friends (just that she doesn't necessarily know who they are).

I remember at school we had a socially awkward girl who was often the target of bullies. My mate kicked their arses though (literally - it was a right dust-up, she took on two at once - but I don't condone violence of course). There were plenty of girls who knew not to pick on those who couldn't defend themselves, I'm sure they will find H.

[Ghost]

the one main even that stopped one of c**ts from tormenting me 5 days a week for 2 years was the fact that I almost broke her cheekbone and permanently damaged her hearing with one punch almost 18 years on she still keeps out of my way
so I am thankful that internet wasn't a big thing back then
but I agree with Dotsie this needs reporting if you can print out what being sent to your daughter give the parents copies and give copies to the teacher and headteacher and then (yes I know this sounds nasty) tell your daughter in the nicest way to block each and every person who sends her abuse and don't unblock them no matter how many requests they send

[Del]

Thanks Errata... hugs are good right now.

I am hoping the same Dotsie... I have NO idea who is or is not a friend to her now... everything has changed so much as they have hit high school... kids off to high schools all over the area... so the dynamics have changed alot and suddenly uncool kids are acceptable as the "cool kids" for the first time... and they will offer up a sacrificial lamb to be part of the group.

I am trying to be really calm and let her work through this on her own terms to some degree... bringing up H isnt all about the therapy... its a whole lot about her finding her place in her social circles and teaching her how to deal with it... in fact thats the biggest challenge of helping her fit into her life as an adult and has always been one of the most important challenges to me. It just seems to be getting harder as she gets older. I am hoping the horrible teen years (and I am not talking about her's) are the worst of it for her.

Ghost... the school would expel her for touching anyone. Yeah I will report it. Thing is... the posts dont LOOK nasty unless you look hard. She is intellectually disabled and doesnt realise they are being nasty to her..... so hard to get her to do it straight off. The vile private messages are much easier. And we have blocked those girls already.

They USED to have mentoring programs with older students keeping a very close eye on kids like H. My oldest did it when she was in high school for a lovely young girl... but they dont do it anymore.... if I see the freaking word "inclusive" once more I will scream.

[The Mad Collector]

So sorry this is happening Del. The only thing to do is bring this out into the open and hope that the school and ultimately the parents can do something to stop it. Girls can be so much nastier than boys unfortunately

Hugs to H

[cheery_j.]

((Del + the girls)) Maybe you should let M have a go at them - or is she old enough to get into legal trouble?

I remember one day when I was 16 and some nasty kids in the playground wouldn't let my little sister (who must have been 11) use the slide. Instead they climbed up and spat on her from up there. I went totally librarian poo when I saw it. I stormed into the playground, pulled the main bully down from the slide, made him/her (can't remember that - I was in such a rage) kneel down using that nasty police grip where you turn somebody's arm up behind their back until you have forced them down and made my sister spit on the bully. She didn't want to do it, but I insisted - I felt it was necessary to give the bullies a taste of their own medicine. They were older and bigger than my sister, but younger and smaller than me.

It was definitely NOT the most sophisticated way of dealing with bullies, but I was so angry I was shivering with rage! AND IT FELT GOOD!! And we had the slide all to ourselves.