Frustration Thread 4

[Penfold]

Certainly can't argue with Raisin and Broc on this one Susanne. I'm sure if you pass on the meeting, the school will only use it against you later on. Keep plugging away in the knowledge that you are right and that you have the support of everybody here.

[Catch-up]

Thanks guys! I really appreciate the input. Gods I'm exhausted! We did meet with the teachers today and I think it went mostly well and was productive. The teacher consultant was there, and the other teachers made a point at the end of the meeting of saying that they're used to everything going through the TC and what a great job she does. It's possible that they didn't mean anything by it, but I made a point of letting them know how useful it is to have interaction with them to get first hand accounts, and also pointed out the things I'd learned from them today that I didn't know before. I might be being overly sensitive, but it felt a little bit like I'm being the bad guy, not playing by the rules and giving poor, old Sally (the TC) a hard time. What I wanted to say was that I would love to only have to deal with one person, but it's NOT WORKING! But I didn't say that. I tried to meet with just the teachers but the TC made sure she was there. Interesting.

The next meeting will be with the principal, one of the directors and the school psychologist. I will meet with them instead of doing this through email. I'll have to do a lot of work to prep for it, but I don't know what else to do. Wish me luck.

[Who's Wee Dug]

It seem to be going forward if you have the all heads paying attention to your requests, all the luck you need to get a good lasting resolution.

[Catch-up]

Thanks Dug! I would really like to not have to deal with it anymore. Let's hope this does the trick.

[Del]

Good luck catch-up. I still have all this to deal with yet. I am letting H settle into High School so the teachers can get a feel for her THEN all the tests and goals etc start. I am trying to fight the Ed Dept to let her use a calculator (when she runs out of fingers it's all over)) and to drop Japanese... she can't manage English for goodness sake. But the Dept says "inclusive " means inclusive.

Anyway.....

I shouldn't be so selfish.... but.... the roaring noise has come back. Sad face. While my area was flooded for the past three days all the major roads near me were cut. It was soooo wonderfully quiet. This is the noisiest house we have ever lived in... no insulation... we didn't realise when we took it... but oh it was so very calm the last few days. Didn't realise until today just HOW much impact this level of noise has on us.

I feel very ashamed that I enjoyed the quiet so much.

[chillicamper]

Glad to hear the meeting went ok Susanne. Hope the next one is productive.

I know how it feels to run out of energy to deal with something. We had a fight with the health service that we nearly gave up on. D has to wear incontinence pads. A couple of years back the Continence Department tried of the local health authority tried to supply him with adult pads - so big that they looked like a bloody duvet. There was no way they would fit and no way we could cut them to shape as the cotton wool stuff inside when everywhere.

So we spoke to some people and a really knowledgeabe lady from a continence charity suggested a brand make of mens urinary pads. D has bowel problems, but she said many people used them for kids as they fitted better and still did the job. We bought some and they worked so we asked the continence people if we could swap to the new make, but they refused saying that they were not intended for that use so they would not supply them - really it was just a cost issue. Anyhow it took us nearly a year of fighting the Primary care trust and involved letters to our MP, The department of health and even to the Prime Minister (yes really! we had to pile on that much pressure) but in the end they agreed to supply the pads that worked.

Fast forward a couple of years and the NHS cutbacks (yes despite what Mr Cameron says) are hitting budgets, so the pads we fought so hard for are again no longer being supplied. D is using less of them daily so at the moment we still have a few in stock, but after that, well we may just have to buy them - I'm not sure that I have the energy for a 12 month fight with the system again - not when there's a change of school and other stuff to deal with in the next 6-9 months as well.

[Dotsie]

((((((((Big super-duper parents hugs))))))))

You are all inspirational - I hope you all get the outcomes you're looking for.

[Del]

Yanno guys... I have had all both extremes... this little one who is in high school with barely a pass for grade 3... and I feel they have given up... and what would you do with a struggling third grader in high school.. you would think it was ridiculous.

My oldest was brilliant.. wanted to please.. they pushed her way too far.. with me begging them to back off... giving her university level courses in mid high school.. and they pushed her into a total breakdown. I even had a psychiatrist, a psychologist and a councellor attend a meeting at the school telling the teachers to back off. And they still pushed her to a total breakdown.. but since she graduated with such high honours and "held it together" until she got through they are abstained from the damage they did.

I am tired of fighting for my kids to have a peaceful enriching education. It seems more like a business now than teaching children the tools to learn and the love of learning... which is the basis for a lifetime of curiosity that inspires learning.

I am in no way saying its teachers... more the system. My girls have had brilliant amazing teachers who fought the system along with me and were beaten down by it.

[Catch-up]

Huge hugs Chilli & Del! Your battles make the one I'm dealing with seem very small in comparison. I'm trying to step back right now and re-assess. The teacher consultant I'm having problems with seems to view my contacting other staff directly as a threat to her position. She pulled a fast one with that last meeting and obviously communicated her concerns to the other teachers. So, right now I'm trying to figure out how to best deal with this without going overboard. My impulse is to beat her at this game. But, I think I need to step back and ask myself if I'm getting sucked into making the same mistake - putting a power play in front of focusing on what Thing 1 needs. However, helping her means being able to communicate with people and if this TC is trying to force all communication to go through her, and we continue to have communication problems, where does that leave the situation? The most bizarre thing about this is that she always takes a not so great situation and finds ways to make it much worse! What in our history together makes her think that I will ever react well to that?

[Broccolee]

Catch-up,you're doing a great job.Of course it's important to take a step back now and again to reconsider.Maybe,(if you haven't done this yet,)make a private list meant just for helping you to see the situation from a vantage point,containing all the good and bad points in the current situation.

Of course if you really come to the conclusion that this school staff is not supporting you and your daughter,the penultimate action is to find a different school!
But I think you're on the right track.Think everything over,sure-but don't start feeling as if you were the one making trouble and getting lost in a power play.
You're not creating the scenario-she is.It might be easier for the teachers to side with the TC,but it sure isn't easy for you and Ava-you are the ones who need to be supported,Ava is the pupil and you pay them.

Keep going,you're doing the right thing.Fingers crossed for the next meeting!

Del,Brianna was in a Montessori school before this one and still she had to repeat the third class.She's a clever girl,but she has to struggle because she doesn't fit the system.

People who don't fit the system always stick out.However,most of the most famous artists,scientists and explorers were slightly weird people who did not perform well at school.I keep telling myself this.

I also wonder as I see more and more parents and children struggling to keep up with the system.
Is it only me or wasn't there so much of that when we were kids?
I think the system has become harder,more rigid and more exclusive all the time.If you can't run with the pack,you get kicked out-and soon there will be more people out of the pack than in it.

[chillicamper]

Huge hugs Chilli & Del! Your battles make the one I'm dealing with seem very small in comparison.

Susanne - your battles are no smaller - if you have to constantly fight for your child to get something (no matter what it is) there's no difference - the stress involved is just the same! Keep going, it will sort itself in the end.

People who don't fit the system always stick out.However,most of the most famous artists,scientists and explorers were slightly weird people who did not perform well at school.I keep telling myself this.

I think the system has become harder,more rigid and more exclusive all the time.If you can't run with the pack,you get kicked out-and soon there will be more people out of the pack than in it.

I so agree with that Broc. Many people now considered to be a genius in their field, would have been considered different at school.

The system is more rigid. A National Curriculum may try to ensure that all schools teach to the same level - however a by product of this, is that the teaching methods are also more prescribed and defined and as such many teachers no longer use different methods to suit different kids. My mum was a teacher, who taught mainly 7-11 yr olds and worked a lot with dsylexic kids before dyslexia was so well known. If a child could not understand how to read or remember a word one way, she would find another way for them to get it.

I think that now, you get taught in one way and if that does not click with you, hard luck. D was doing long division at school. The way the school taught was long winded and D gets muddled with it. I showed him the 'old fashioned' way I was taught at school and he said - 'thats so simple'. He just needed it to be explained in a different way and he was away. Unfortunately, I don't hink that happens so much in schools today.

[Broccolee]

I know what you mean,Chilli.I used to help my kids and explain easier ways to do their sums.However I stopped doing that when my kids were sent home with their homework marked wrong because they didn't do it the way the teacher wanted the whole class to do it.They had to do them over again even though the results were the same.I didn't get this at the Montessori school,mind you,it was the public school teacher who did this.We all got along with the Montessori far better and it was such a relief to readjust to their way of teaching.It was like:"Ah,so you can learn this way,I always wondered..."

[Catch-up]

It's amazing how rigid teachers can be. And thanks for all of the support! We have a meeting scheduled on Wednesday with her bosses and I'm kind of done playing nice. I'm not going to go in there yelling and swearing or anything, but I'm done being conciliatory and trying to start with a clean slate. They're getting a rundown of the pattern of dysfunctional communication I've been dealing with all year and what I expect to happen from here on out. Thankfully, I keep every email and document every conversation. They're essentially going to get a packet backing up everything I'm saying. I'm done with this.

[Dotsie]

[Batty]