This year I am only going to smoke cigarettes after sex.
Hows that for going cold turkey!
Interestingly enough, I was recently forced to quit smoking because of an after-sex result. Who knew that tobacco and babies weren't compatible.
On to the resolutions:
I vow to press all the buttons to every floor in every lift, then abandon it at the first possible moment, run to the next floor via the stairs, and wait outside the lift gates, and look surprised at all the people going to all the different floors.
I vow that after passing wind, to ask those around me if they smell popcorn.
I vow that after doing something to make the baby cry, I will promptly blame it upon his mother, and take credit for whatever it was that made him stop crying.