Jokes - Part Deux

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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chris.ph » Thu Dec 06, 2012 7:46 am

duck tape is a brand tony :D
measuring intelligence by exam results is like measuring digestion by turd length
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Dotsie » Thu Dec 06, 2012 7:54 am

What chris said, it's a brand of duct tape :D
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Tonyblack » Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:35 am

So on the second day he was hunting cats? Makes no sense to me at all. :think:





Spoiler: show
;)
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chris.ph » Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:41 am

somehow didnt think you were that nieve :lol: :lol:
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Del » Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:53 am

He wasn't hunting cats tony.... pussywillow... for firewood I suppose... to cookbthe ducks... I guess the fisherman wanted some too so he could cook his fish......
Just keep swimming... just keep swimming.. just keep swimming....
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby MongoGutman » Thu Dec 06, 2012 1:23 pm

Wiki sez both are right - originally it was developed in the war for its waterproof properties, hence known as duck tape, later called duct tape for it's use in post war building industry. I grew up calling it duck tape but never knew there was an actual Duck Tape(tm) brand name.

Got that joke from a BBC4 show called Old Jews Telling Jokes

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01p65lb/More_Old_Jews_Telling_Jokes_Episode_2/
Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change? ~~ Oddball
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Tonyblack » Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:17 pm

Whereas, if he'd used Gaffer Tape he'd have caught the old man. :lol:
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Del » Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:37 pm

????? Nope I don't get it.

And just to be pedantic... gaffer tape isn't the same as duct tape.

I know stuff. Well I know stuff about gaffer tape.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Tonyblack » Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:43 pm

Gaffer is a British name for an old man. And of course it's different - he wasn't hunting ducks on that day. :roll: :P
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Bouncy Castle » Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:46 pm

I thought Gaffer meant Boss.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Tonyblack » Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:49 pm

Bouncy Castle wrote:I thought Gaffer meant Boss.

It does. It also means old man - particularly a rustic. Hence Samwise Gamgee talking about his old gaffer.

Gaffer.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Sun Dec 09, 2012 1:42 pm

How to get to Heaven from Scotland …




I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my
Car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my
Money to the church, would that get me
Into heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed
The garden and kept everything tidy, would
That get me into heaven?"

Again, the answer was 'No!'

By now I was starting to smile.

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and
Gave sweets to all the children and
Loved my husband, would that get me
Into heaven?"

Again, they all answered 'No!'

I was just bursting with pride for them.

I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"


A six year old boy shouted,





"Yuv got tae be fukin' dead"



Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir eye...

:lol: :lol: :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Ghost » Sun Dec 09, 2012 2:17 pm

:D
Ooh you cheeky little sea winkle
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby The Mad Collector » Sun Dec 09, 2012 5:57 pm

:D :D
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

http://www.bearsonthesquare.com
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Tue Dec 11, 2012 12:41 am

New book out for Christmas Titled "Understanding WOMEN"
Image
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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