Jokes - Part Deux

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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby raisindot » Tue Nov 20, 2012 5:31 pm

michelanCello wrote:Tony's answer is probably all he's ever known in French, it doesn't make much sense - the first part is a childrens' song, La plume de ma tante is appearently a song, too, comme si, comme ca means so-so...


Which in itself is funny because he wrote a whole book about buying a summer house in France. :D
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Penfold » Tue Nov 20, 2012 5:53 pm

Tonyblack wrote:I really want to see the film of Round Ireland With a Fridge now. :D Robert Llewellyn interviewed him on CarPool and he was saying that Hollywood was going to make the movie with Brendan Fraser playing playing him and Tony Hawks thought - sod that! I'm quite capable of playing myself. :lol:

I've seen it and it's not too bad. "Playing the Moldovans at Tennis" was released earlier this year and I have just ordered both from Amazon after looking up the trailer on You Tube. :D



The guy is absolutely barking! :lol:
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.


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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Bouncy Castle » Wed Nov 28, 2012 8:49 pm

If I see a breakin to an Apple Store, does that make me an iWitness?

;) :lol:
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Thu Nov 29, 2012 7:01 pm

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it
And to the men who will enjoy reading it.
Men Are Just Happier People :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Del » Fri Nov 30, 2012 7:47 am

Penfold wrote:
Tonyblack wrote:I really want to see the film of Round Ireland With a Fridge now. :D Robert Llewellyn interviewed him on CarPool and he was saying that Hollywood was going to make the movie with Brendan Fraser playing playing him and Tony Hawks thought - sod that! I'm quite capable of playing myself. :lol:

I've seen it and it's not too bad. "Playing the Moldovans at Tennis" was released earlier this year and I have just ordered both from Amazon after looking up the trailer on You Tube. :D



The guy is absolutely barking! :lol:


I loved the book. Never knew there was a movie.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Del » Fri Nov 30, 2012 7:50 am

My husband bought me a mood ring.

When I am happy it turns a lovely deep lavender colour....

When I am angry leaves a bright red welt in the middle of his forehead.
Just keep swimming... just keep swimming.. just keep swimming....
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Dotsie » Fri Nov 30, 2012 7:53 am

:lol:
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Del » Fri Nov 30, 2012 8:19 am

Tonyblack wrote::lol: I've been having great fun reading letters to and responses from, comedian and writer, Tony Hawks. He has his own website and is constantly confused with Tony Hawk, the skateboarder. He gets loads of letters from confused people and his responses to them are very funny.

See here. :lol:


That is one of the funniest things i have read in so long. Brilliant. Am going to share it with all my friends. Thank you Tony !!!
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Tonyblack » Fri Nov 30, 2012 9:06 am

Some of those letters are barely legible. :lol:
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Watchman44 » Sat Dec 01, 2012 8:28 am

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied: "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!", the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"
Johnny said: "Well, I walked into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night. Mom had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying:
'Oh God! I'm coming!'
If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The Nun fainted
Who watches the watchman.......
FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Sat Dec 01, 2012 2:50 pm

Little Johnny are good for a laugh. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chillicamper » Sun Dec 02, 2012 7:43 am

:shock: :lol:
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby MongoGutman » Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:55 pm

One morning old man is fishing by the river when a young guy walks past carrying a big roll of duck tape, swinging it from side to side. The old man asks "Where you going with all that duck tape, son?" to which the young man responds "I'm going to catch me some ducks." The old man laughs and says "You can't catch ducks with duck tape! They call it duck tape because it's waterproof, not because you hunt ducks with it!" The young man sticks his nose in the air and says "Oh yeah? So you say! I'll show you!" The old man laughs again and says "You do that, good luck to you." The young man, somewhat mollified, says "I will: you'll see." and he carries on his way along the banks of the river. Later in the afternoon the fisherman sees the young coming back in the distance. As he gets closer the old man is astonished to see that the young man is dragging behind him a great ball of ducks - at least a dozen - all wrapped up and stuck together with duck tape. As he passes the young man grins and winks at the fisherman open mouthed gape. The next morning the old man is fishing again at the same spot and he sees the young man coming towards him waving a thin branch or switch in front of him. "What have you got there this time, son?" The old man asks. "Got me length of pussywillow here, pops." the young man replies to which the old man says "Hang on: I'll get my hat..."
Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change? ~~ Oddball
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Tonyblack » Thu Dec 06, 2012 5:27 am

I thought it was called 'duct tape'. :?
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Del » Thu Dec 06, 2012 7:11 am

Tish tosh Tony.... its a joke.
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