File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Quatermass » Fri Nov 09, 2012 10:39 am

Maybe they're worried that they'll say "Nice planet. We'll take it."
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Quatermass » Fri Nov 09, 2012 11:36 am

I've lived for over 2000 years, and not all of them were good ones. I've made many mistakes. And it's about time I did something about that.

-The Twelfth Doctor, Doctor Who: Deep Breath
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Bouncy Castle » Fri Nov 09, 2012 11:47 am

Ugh indeed.

How those creatures could call themselves christians is beyond me.
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Quatermass » Fri Nov 09, 2012 11:52 am

Bouncy Castle wrote:Ugh indeed.

How those creatures could call themselves christians is beyond me.


Just as readily as any bastard of any creed identify themselves with said creed.
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Tonyblack » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:00 pm

It has long occurred to me that these priests who take part in this sort of thing must either:

1. Not really believe in God and judgement after death, or they'd be too terrified to do it.
2. Must believe that having sexual intercourse with children is somehow not a sin and therefore they have clean consciences.

Now we know that the Bible comes down hard on people that have sex with animals and is dead against witches, homosexuals and even the disabled, but what does it have to say about sex with children?

It appears from Leviticus that priests can have sex and can even father children:

God wrote:21:9 And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.


Apparently, it's ok for a priest to father a daughter, but if the daughter sleeps around then she should be burned to death. :naughty:

But there are some pretty weird ideas in Leviticus, even though it is supposed to be the Word of God as passed from God to Moses.
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Dotsie » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:07 pm

I only know of one example of incest in the bible, and that is where the daughters seduce the father :roll: But then, women are pretty unclean creatures.
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Tonyblack » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:15 pm

Well of course! Didn't you know that baby girls are twice as dirty as baby boys? It must be true because God said so!

God wrote:12:1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
12:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.
12:3 And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised.
12:4 And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled.
12:5 But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.
12:6 And when the days of her purifying are fulfilled, for a son, or for a daughter, she shall bring a lamb of the first year for a burnt offering, and a young pigeon, or dove, for a sin offering, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, unto the priest:
12:7 Who shall offer it before the LORD, and make an atonement for her; and she shall be cleansed from the issue of her blood. This is the law for her that hath born a male or a female.
12:8 And if she be not able to bring a lamb, then she shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons; the one for the burnt offering, and the other for a sin offering: and the priest shall make an atonement for her, and she shall be clean.
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Quatermass » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:16 pm

So, in the Bible, we have incest, rape, murder, genocide, and the main character is a jealous, petty megalomaniac with a literal god complex. All over a period of thousands of years.










...Hmm. Sounds like the plot of a soap opera, actually.

*rimshot*
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Bouncy Castle » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:26 pm

Hmmm. Can you translate that into English, Tony?

I never could understand most of what was written in the Bible, not that I read it much. :lol:
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Dotsie » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:30 pm

Basically, if a woman has a baby, she's dirty (things go into, then come out of, her twinkle. Dirty dirty dirty!). But if the baby is a girl, she's twice as dirty. For bringing another twinkle into the world, presumably.
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Bouncy Castle » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:33 pm

But what does all this mean?

......her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.


Separation? Blood of her purifying?


And just what would they all do if all the babies were boys, and there were no more twinkles?
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Quatermass » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:36 pm

Here, let me try...

And the Supreme Cornholio said to Moses,
Tell those SOBs that, You have a woman up the duff and she delivers a boyo, she shall be ostracised like a nerd amongst chavs for seven days. 'Cos I said so. On the eighth day, take the kiddie's winkie and cut a bit off the end. The bird will have to remain off-limits for another 33 days. 'Cos I said so. If she delivers another goil, then she's got to be locked away for two weeks with the kid, and then left alone for 36 days all up. 'Cos I said so. Oh, and when she's done, either way, she's gotta bring me a present, capisce? Need a lamb and a dove. Give it to the priest. Oh, but if she can't bring a lamb, bring a coupla turtles or doves. Or turtledoves. Whatever.

Amen, melonfarmer.
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Tonyblack » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:36 pm

Yeah! What Dotsie said. :lol:
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby Tonyblack » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:39 pm

And what Q said. :lol:

"Separation" in this case means (I think) after the baby is born: separated from its mother's body.
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Re: File this under "Headlines that left you speechless"

Postby cheery_j. » Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:45 pm

Professor Brian Cox said the BBC was concerned the experiment, to be staged live on air during his show Stargazing Life, broke the corporation's health and safety rules.


I would like to quote Stephen Fry: "health and f*ck*ng safety!"
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