This is one I heard a long time ago, and had to track down on the internet...
Words were the big topic of the million dollar television quiz show where Professor Geewhiz challenged the audience to stump him with a word he couldn't put into a sentence.
"Garn!" shouted a bloke in the third row.
"Garn?" said the professor, "Garn? It's not a swear word, is it?"
"No," said the punter in the third row, "Garn."
Time elapsed, the buzzer went and the crowd applauded.
"You've stumped him," said the MC, "How do you use the word, sir?"
"Garn get f***ed," said the punter who was immediately thrown out and the show closed until further notice.
It took the network twelve months to get over it. Finally they had the gumption to start it up again with the proviso that they would have to screen the audience in future.
On the opening night they scrutinized each member of the public as they arrived before asking for the first word.
A man is the third row wearing a vicar's collar a beard put his hand up. "Smee," he said.
"Smee?" said the professor, "Smee?" The seconds ticked away and he was forced to concede on the very first word.
After the applause had died down the MC asked the punter, "How do you use the word?"
The punter stood up, pulled his false beard off and said, "Smee again - Garn get f***ed!"
Four minutes? That's ages! What if I get bored? I need a television, a couple of books. Anyone for chess? Bring me knitting.
-The Eighth Doctor, defiant in the face of death, in Doctor Who: The Night of the Doctor