Jokes - Part Deux

[Joolz]

My laptop is knackered. It just keeps playing "Chasing Pavements" over and over again.

Probably because it's a Dell.

Pick a window..You're leaving

[ChristianBecker]

Groan!
←

[Who's Wee Dug]

A conversation in Heaven



SYLVIA:
Hi! Wanda.

WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

SYLVIA:
I froze to death.

WANDA: How horrible!

SYLVIA:
It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA:
So, what happened?

WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman
there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive.

[Bouncy Castle]

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' you get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live.

[Tonyblack]

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' you get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live.

I didn't realise you were married, Bouncy . . .

[Bouncy Castle]

[Tonyblack]

[Dotsie]

Hey, no judgements here! But you should be nicer to the missus

[Del]

My laptop is knackered. It just keeps playing "Chasing Pavements" over and over again.

Probably because it's a Dell.

Pick a window..You're leaving

[Del]

How do you piss off a hitch-hiker?

Pick him up and do a U-turn.

[Who's Wee Dug]

Grooaan

[Del]

Baby Boomer Blues

It was fun being a baby boomer... until now. Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby Boomers. They include:

Herman's Hermits--- Mrs.. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.
Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
Abba--- Denture Queen.
Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.
Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again

[Who's Wee Dug]

good ones Del.

[spideyGirl]

How do you piss off a hitch-hiker?

Pick him up and do a U-turn.

[Joolz]

How do you piss off a hitch-hiker?

Pick him up and do a U-turn.