Jokes - Part Deux

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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Del » Mon Oct 08, 2012 1:08 pm

Who's Wee Dug wrote:This made me laugh. :mrgreen:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/9wm-Ge8LL7o?rel=0


:laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling: :laughing-rofl: :laughing-rolling:
Just keep swimming... just keep swimming.. just keep swimming....
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Quatermass » Mon Oct 08, 2012 1:11 pm

Bouncy Castle wrote:A woman and her son were taking a taxi in London city centre. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings.

"Mummy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, "Heck lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mummy?"
His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mummy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"

"They mostly become taxi drivers," she replied.

:lol:


Owned! :lol:

Bouncy Castle wrote:A man gets hold of some Viagra.

Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from work, but in his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open on the table and his parrotl eats all of them. Seeing the results and panicking the man grabs the bird and stuffs him into the freezer to cool off.

Unfortunately, his Viagra kicks in just as his wife comes home and it is hours later before he remembers the cockatiel. He runs and looks in the freezer expecting the worst, only to find the bird breathing heavily, drained with sweat and totally exhausted.

"What happened?" the man asks. "You were in there for hours and yet you're not only alive but you're sweating like crazy?"

The parrot pants, "Man, have you ever tried to pry apart the legs a frozen chicken?"


:shock:

Del wrote:
funnies fetish.jpg


:lol:


Not a joke, but a comedy sketch (by The Frantics) about a will reading that turns out to be a Last Will and Temperament, animated using images from Phoenix Wright...

"What have you been doing since you stole that antique TARDIS of yours, since you first landed on Skaro? Shouting 'Look at me!!! I'm not fighting a war!', while you battle the Daleks all the way through space and time."

-the Master
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Fri Oct 12, 2012 12:33 am

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a regiment tie instead? They are only £5."
The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over- priced useless tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that,
and that I am a much better human being than you.
Sir, If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need."
Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
.
Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration and rasped . . . . .
"They wouldn't let me in without a f-------g tie! :lol:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Bouncy Castle » Fri Oct 12, 2012 7:09 pm

The owner of a golf course in Cheshire was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Leeds and I need some help. If I were to give you £20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chillicamper » Sat Oct 13, 2012 6:50 am

:lol: :lol:
Wooden stuff at www.iwoodlovethat.co.uk
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby The Mad Collector » Sat Oct 13, 2012 9:14 am

:lol: :lol:
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

http://www.bearsonthesquare.com
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chris.ph » Fri Oct 19, 2012 2:33 pm

viagra have just brought out a tablet for the launch of the new james bond film, it doesnt do much it just makes you roger moor :whistle: :whistle:
measuring intelligence by exam results is like measuring digestion by turd length
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby The Mad Collector » Fri Oct 19, 2012 3:08 pm

groan
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

http://www.bearsonthesquare.com
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chris.ph » Fri Oct 19, 2012 3:12 pm

another sex scandal has just broken at the bbc, its emerged that morph was a playdophile :whistle: :whistle:
measuring intelligence by exam results is like measuring digestion by turd length
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Fri Oct 19, 2012 6:36 pm

Image
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chris.ph » Fri Oct 19, 2012 7:00 pm

"What's that beeping?" asked the wife.
"That's my seat belt alarm." I replied.
Wife, "How can you ignore something so annoying?"
Me, "what did you say" :whistle: :whistle: :whistle: :whistle:
measuring intelligence by exam results is like measuring digestion by turd length
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Joolz » Fri Oct 19, 2012 7:08 pm

chris.ph wrote:another sex scandal has just broken at the bbc, its emerged that morph was a playdophile :whistle: :whistle:


Robbed that :lol:
Tune the world out, turn the radio up
Sing along to my freedom song
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Fri Oct 19, 2012 7:08 pm

Image :lol: :mrgreen: Chris
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby The Mad Collector » Fri Oct 19, 2012 7:30 pm

:lol: :lol:
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

http://www.bearsonthesquare.com
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chris.ph » Sat Oct 20, 2012 3:54 pm

My laptop is knackered. It just keeps playing "Chasing Pavements" over and over again.

Probably because it's a Dell.

:whistle: :whistle:
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