Jokes - Part Deux

[Del]

This made me laugh.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/9wm-Ge8LL7o?rel=0

[Quatermass]

A woman and her son were taking a taxi in London city centre. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings.

"Mummy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, "Heck lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mummy?"
His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mummy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"

"They mostly become taxi drivers," she replied.

Owned!

A man gets hold of some Viagra.

Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from work, but in his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open on the table and his parrotl eats all of them. Seeing the results and panicking the man grabs the bird and stuffs him into the freezer to cool off.

Unfortunately, his Viagra kicks in just as his wife comes home and it is hours later before he remembers the cockatiel. He runs and looks in the freezer expecting the worst, only to find the bird breathing heavily, drained with sweat and totally exhausted.

"What happened?" the man asks. "You were in there for hours and yet you're not only alive but you're sweating like crazy?"

The parrot pants, "Man, have you ever tried to pry apart the legs a frozen chicken?"

funnies fetish.jpg

Not a joke, but a comedy sketch (by The Frantics) about a will reading that turns out to be a Last Will and Temperament, animated using images from Phoenix Wright...

[Who's Wee Dug]

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a regiment tie instead? They are only £5."
The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over- priced useless tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that,
and that I am a much better human being than you.
Sir, If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need."
Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
.
Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration and rasped . . . . .
"They wouldn't let me in without a f-------g tie!

[Bouncy Castle]

The owner of a golf course in Cheshire was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Leeds and I need some help. If I were to give you £20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

[chillicamper]

[The Mad Collector]

[chris.ph]

viagra have just brought out a tablet for the launch of the new james bond film, it doesnt do much it just makes you roger moor

[The Mad Collector]

groan

[chris.ph]

another sex scandal has just broken at the bbc, its emerged that morph was a playdophile

[Who's Wee Dug]

[chris.ph]

"What's that beeping?" asked the wife.
"That's my seat belt alarm." I replied.
Wife, "How can you ignore something so annoying?"
Me, "what did you say"

[Joolz]

another sex scandal has just broken at the bbc, its emerged that morph was a playdophile

Robbed that

[Who's Wee Dug]

Chris

[The Mad Collector]

[chris.ph]

My laptop is knackered. It just keeps playing "Chasing Pavements" over and over again.

Probably because it's a Dell.