I like it. It's good. Very atmospheric.
But I had a bit of a problem in the first paragraph with his eyes.
Nat wrote:he glared at the desk in front of him, eyes fixed in space.
He placed his fingertips together, peered over them and resumed his glaring. For many minutes he his eyes remained unfocused, unblinking.
You can't glare at a desk with your eyes fixed in space, unless it's a flying desk.
If you are glaring at something, your eyes aren't unfocused, they are focused, on the thing you are glaring at.
on a point