Corrupt-a-wish

[Seimimac]

You have a Death Note, but it's in Chinese, which you can't read, so you give it to your Chinese friend, and the first name he reads out is yours! Bye!

I wish I knew the numbers for the next Euromillions draw.

[Jezzron]

You do, but so does everybody else so you win seven pence. Becasue of the disappointing prize many people start to riot and your computer is stolen.

I wish I have Super powers!

[CrysaniaMajere]

but you don't get to choose which power, so you suddenly become invisible but you have nobody to tell you how to swith back so nodoby can see you and you end up alone and having to be very careful when you cross the street.

I wish I could read people's minds

[Willem]

You can read people's minds and are so disgusted by their thoughts you become a recluse. And when you die, your 20 cats eat your corpse

I wish I could tie shoelaces with my mind.

[Ogamis]

You can, but it takes 20 minutes and takes 3 times as much effort to do


I wish my coursework got full marks

[RSoak]

It does, but because you only wished for it you don't know the material as well as your competition and therefore they get the better jobs.

I wish dog poop would pick itself up.

[Ogamis]

It does, and throws itself at you as you pass by

I wish Americans were not stupid enough to vote for Mit Romney

[Square12]

They weren't but a change in the legislative bits and bobs meant that he still became president, something about Florida!

I wish I could have any and as many super power or powers as and when I so chose.

[KnightOfFewWords]

You do! Better get used to that crippling sense of responsibility, demi-god - now everything that does or doesn't happen is indirectly your fault, and you will be blamed for it.

I wish for the perfect beer.

[Square12]

You get a thimble full of the perfect beer, however one drop of it ruins your taste buds for anything else and as such all other food and drink for the rest of your life tastes so bland that they have to invent a new word because in comparison bland is a taste sensation.

I wish I had invented cheese,

[KnightOfFewWords]

Unfortunately, the jealous and wrathful decreed that you should be tied to a giant bagel and consumed by goats each day, in punishment.

I wish the Star Wars prequels had never been made.

[Square12]

The Star Wars prequels were never made because an airplane crashed into George Lucas' house the day he woke up and thought I'm going to make a film called Star Wars thus none of the original trilogy were made either but by some strange coincidence there was a film called the Jar Jar Binks story.

I wish all I liked healthy food

[MrsWizzard]

And it is done. You like all healthy food. And you know what? They've grown rather fond of you too. You spend every day together. The fruits, the veggies, you make time for 'em all. You've never had better friends in all your life. Then one night you're out at a restaurant and you meet a nice salad. She's lightly dressed, and you can't keep from noticing her ripe round *ahem* tomatoes. You two decide to settle down together, make it official. Then one evening, it happens. She walks in from work to find you nibbling on the leaves of Caesar, the "friend" you met at grocery store last month. You try to deny it, say it's not how it looks, but she can tell you're lying. The evidence has been there all along, how you come home late nights with bits of cucumber in your teeth, the blotches of Thousand Island she's found on your collar. She tells you it's over and tosses you out. You're left forever plagued by rejection. Word gets around the bars of what you did, and even the croutons won't give you a second glance. In your downward spiral you've lowered your standards so far that you pick up a bag of potato chips, and, well, you never can turn back again.

It should be noted that it's 2 AM over here, and I haven't slept much in the past couple of days, so when I ask the little voice in my head if a seductive story about a salad is a bit silly, he just kind of shrugs and says "eh, go for it."

That being said, I wish I could sleep as long as I want and wake up without any actual time having passed