Jokes - Part Deux

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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Tue Aug 21, 2012 6:22 pm

Did that just slip out. :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chillicamper » Tue Aug 21, 2012 7:27 pm

Top ten jokes from the Edinburgh Festival 2012

The top jokes were:

1. Stewart Francis - "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."
2. Tim Vine - "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. "
3. Will Marsh - "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister."
4. Rob Beckett - "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case."
5. Chris Turner - "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know Y."
6. Tim Vine - "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze."
7. George Ryegold - "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating."
8. Stewart Francis - "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!"
9. Lou Sanders - "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad."
10. Nish Kumar - "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances."


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Tue Aug 21, 2012 7:46 pm

I must admit I don't find them that funny 2,3,4 and 6 did make an attempt but no coconut. :|
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Dotsie » Wed Aug 22, 2012 5:39 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: Hilarious! Especially no. 7
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Bouncy Castle » Thu Aug 23, 2012 11:23 am

A man suffered a serious heart attack, while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911, when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital, where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns, at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?", she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative, who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby ChristianBecker » Thu Aug 23, 2012 11:24 am

:D
On with their heads! I'm the clown prince of fools
if you don't get the joke it's your loss
Love and laughter you see are the new currency
'cause greed's coinage is not worth a toss

Exile yourself to the unforgiving continent of Wraeclast!
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Thu Aug 23, 2012 11:38 am

:lol: :lol:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby jaznbonnie » Thu Aug 23, 2012 3:18 pm

:laughing-rolling:
Be careful what you wish for as you just might get it.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby Penfold » Wed Aug 29, 2012 11:22 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.


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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chillicamper » Fri Aug 31, 2012 6:29 am

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really upset.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby ChristianBecker » Fri Aug 31, 2012 8:32 am

Poor Bob :D.
On with their heads! I'm the clown prince of fools
if you don't get the joke it's your loss
Love and laughter you see are the new currency
'cause greed's coinage is not worth a toss

Exile yourself to the unforgiving continent of Wraeclast!
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby ShadowNinjaCat » Fri Aug 31, 2012 9:12 pm

Bob had it coming. ;)
Natural selection and all that.
“We are all in the gutter,but some of us are looking at the stars.”- Oscar Wilde
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby chillicamper » Sat Sep 01, 2012 6:57 am

Here's a couple to groan at....

An injured dog limps into a bar on three legs, and says, “I’m lookin’ for the guy who shot my paw!” :roll: :lol:

A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and says............'Audi' Image :lol:
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby jaznbonnie » Sat Sep 01, 2012 8:10 pm

chillicamper wrote:Here's a couple to groan at....

An injured dog limps into a bar on three legs, and says, “I’m lookin’ for the guy who shot my paw!” :roll: :lol:

A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and says............'Audi' Image :lol:


Very punny, Chilli. :roll: ;)
Be careful what you wish for as you just might get it.
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Re: Jokes - Part Deux

Postby spideyGirl » Sat Sep 08, 2012 7:33 am

:lol: @the dog one
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