Imaginary casting convo -
Hey don't get us wrong! We think the Death character is a right-on guy - which is why we're currently in negotiation with Mr. Gibson's people...
TP PR guy:
Wow! Hey that's wonderful! Mel with the Ultimate Lethal Weapon - love it! Inspired! Sorry I'm interrupting... what were you saying about the wardrobe problems?
: We're getting feedback from Mr. Gibson's agent - he's a devout catholic y'know and there is a slight problem with the cloak - it's far to dark for a character who they think is more angel than a creature of nightmares... Plus Mel doesn't do black much as you may have noticed - well not so much since Hamlet anyway...
: Oh... but I loved
him in Hamlet! And in Braveheart. Weeeell we don't have to be married to the black - how about a nice midnight blue? Deep purple? Hey! What about a nice wicked
deep blood red!??
: No! No!! No!!! No dark colors and especially
: No red? Why ever not - Mel'd look gorgeous in red - how about a nice burgundy then? What???
* Are you kidding!!
The guy's a nightmare when he's on the sauce! Watch my lips - no alcohol whatsoever OK!
: *going a bright Rioja colour
* OK! OK!! I get the point...
- but I meant the colour! Like erm... clar... umm... maroon
: No red, man! Capisch? Oy! No color at all - he wants white
* So when he does the thing with the blade it's gonna look wunnnnnderful with all the gore and blood see? Plus it'll look really cute if it gets cut up a bit and the wimmin get little glimpses of the pecs and the malibu tanned face when he tosses the hood back and does that thing with his curls swaying - FAB! I can really see this, man - he'll get that big box office pull back again...
: *shaking head and looking puzzled
* But the scythe doesn't go anyway near
people's bodies - it cuts the soul away from the body... *looks even more confused
* And as for white and tossing hoods back - he's gonna be masked up so you won't get the dramatic contrast between the ivory of the skull and the cloak - and there can't be any tan. Gods I hate talking to these LA movie airheads
: *goes white with fury
* Hey! You think we're puttin' Mel Gibson in a MASK
you know-it-all g*ddamn pansy - he's a farm hand
... for the love of Pete - save me from smartarse Brits!
: *back to the Rioja...
* He's a bloody skeleton
for f*cks sake! And anyway the actual character's features are CGI surely - and so's the action sequences! Mel's just doing the f*cking voice-sync surely?
: *so angry he's hissing
* Hey! This is a class production - *dripping venom
And anyway Disney has an unbreakable contract on his voice talents. What the hell d'you mean Death's a skeleton - he's like a noble warrior! A ronin! An Action Hero you dumbass!
: ........... F*cking hell! He's the Grim Reaper you moron - not a f*cking combine harvester driver...
and so on