Uberwald [RPG]

[Jezzron]

Winter has hit Uberwald hard which is nothing out of the ordinary, this will no doute cause many problems for travelers, farmers and most people in general. But it seem more so for vampires, werewolfs and undead since most of them have been reported missing. The city guard don't know a thing, but is this because they can't find anything or they don't want to know whats going on?

Rules:
On your first post please describe your character/s, tell us about him/her/it/them and the reason why they are in bonk in the first place either in the RPG thread or the OCC thread.
I'd like your first character to be one of your own creation. There will be time later on in the thread for you, if you wish, to play as one of the main characters from the books.
IC in this thread, there will be a OCC threat for questions and OCC chat so please later on if the thread catches on. ((so untill then if you have any OOC questions and stuff put them in brackets like these ))
And lastly have fun

[Tonyblack]

Welcome to the site, Jezzron! I know these sort of games were popular here some time ago, so good luck with it.

[michelanCello]

Welcome, Jezzron! This is quite an entrée

[MrsWizzard]

As per request, I bringeth you the OOC Thread! viewtopic.php?f=8&t=4868

If you wanna discuss things outside of your character, please do it there so as not to clutter up the actual game thread, same goes for if you're lurking around this game and wanna make a comment on it.

I'll probably make my first post tomorrow or something, as I'm very eager to get the RPG's going again

[MrsWizzard]

[I totally lied, I'm posting tonight anyway]

IGNATIUS MAGI HARPWELL?

Iggy began shivering as the stoic voice breathed a windless chill through him. Then he realized there was no longer any point to it and stopped. He fingered vaguely his arm where he was quite certain there was once a broken bone, and then his ribs where he was sure there were five. His whole form still seemed primarily solid, though he figured it was just his memory playing tricks on him, for not only were his bones not in tact - they weren't any longer there.

Perhaps you don't take them with you, he thought. Just as well. Kind of useless, taking along bones you won't need and are busted, anyway.

He turned slowly, though not theatrically so, hoping to be pleasantly surprised. But he'd learned long ago keeping your hopes up for anything wasn't much worth it. This was one of those cases.

He studied Death for a moment, not at all surprised his appearance was exactly that of the pictures found in fairy books and tarot cards. The death of Ignatius Magi Harpwell had been sudden in a way, but neither shock nor disappointment suited his countenance.

"One bloody day?" he shouted. "Really?

Death shrugged, inevitably theatrically given his shoulders didn't have any of that bothersome flesh or muscle to get in the way of a good solid shrug.

I AM NOT THE ONE TO ANSWER TO THAT.

"Well then where bloody is he? I got'sa bone to pick with him, excusing your prescence o'course. He's got some bloody nerve -"

AS IT WOULD APPEAR, SO DO YOU.

Iggy paused in his storm to take a last glimpse at the fading form of what was formerly his physical being. Had he still been inside, the sight of himself would have made him retch. He didn't bother now. He didn't want to give neither Death nor that bastard up in Cori Celesti the satisfaction.

"So what, you just his delivery boy? He can't even move his arse out of his igloo to come get me himse-"

"IGNATIUS MAGI HARPWELL!"

Now Iggy gave in and gulped at the voice he knew was not Death's. He could feel the quotation marks. Though invisible to this proverbial footnote between life and the back cover, he could hear thunder and lightning dueling it out in some unseen distance. Then he realized fear was another pesky emotion he could abandon now. He held on to anger, though. He quite liked that one.

"Yeah, I'm here," he called to either the nonexistent or infinite ceiling. "And I'm sayin' you got some bloody nerve taking me away now. We had a deal!"

"That I fulfilled," came the divine voice. "You had your night."

"You're getting me on a technicality, here!"

"And yet, I get you nonetheless. I have held my end of the contract. You are in no position to decline yours."

Now thunder surrounded Iggy, circling his soul to keep him from running to nowhere. Clouds of celestial nothingness closed in and took hold of him. Iggy fell to what can only be conceived by the living human mind as the ground and writhed in a painless agony. He yelled at the top of empty lungs,

Finally, a small set of wings, quite like those of a grasshopper sprouted neatly from his back. They sparked faintly when they fluttered open. Iggy sat up and cursed.

"Never deal with gods," he said.

AH, A SENTIMENT I CAN SHARE.

[Jezzron]

Herp ran into a nearby alley to escape the cold that was nipping at his skin and the snow that was slamming into his face like a barrage of needles. Once in the alley he looked around for a space that he could throw himself down and protect him from the cold. He managed to find a space between two crates, once inside he place a dirty brown blanket over the lap making a make shift tent for himself. He moved his bowler hat over his eyes once he was protected from the unforgiving wind and wrapped his arms around himself to rub warmth into them. As he shifted his legs in the pile of snow attempting to get comfortable but to no avail, even though he was only there for a moment the snow had already made a thick layer upon his blanket shutting out the little light he had to begin with. Herp sneezed. He has spent too long in this cold and if he doesn’t find warmth soon he’ll end up like the rest of his family, he would shudder at the thought of becoming a goblin-sicle if he wasn’t shivering violently.

Herp was tall for a goblin and almost came to what could be said dwarf height. His clothes were the remains of a dark grey suit, to make it fit he had rip off the ends of the sleeves and trousers. Upon his head of a grubby bowler hat that he found outside a close by haberdashers, it fit quiet well but caused his pointy ears to point out at an angle of his head. He liked it, I made he feel almost like he belonged here.

“Okay enough rest, it’s time to find shelter” he thought to himself as he stood up, he grabbed his make shift blanket roof and shook off the snow before rapping it around him like a cloak, he then resumed his search for an abandoned building or some sort of heat source.

[Jezzron]

The blizzard picked up, Herp could barely see his hand in front of his face from the onslaught of snow and in fact he couldn’t feel his hands. But in the distance, when he was about to give up all hope and collapse, he saw a golden light and it looked so warm, he staggered towards it with his soul full of hope.
When he got closer he could make out the light was coming from the inside of a large building with its back door wide open revealing a kitchen where a very fat human dressed in pure white and a long chef’s hat stood in the doorway directing two others who were bringing in tons of fancy cakes, finger foods and other fancy foods that you’d only see at the highest class and richest of dinner parties.

Greedy over powered Herp as well as his survive instincts. He had to get inside somehow without them noticing; he didn’t have to be in there long, just long enough to fill is belly, warm himself up and make sure he was strong enough to face the blizzard once again. He slowly made his way to the light and hide out of sight by some bins; he scanned the situation planning his move carefully.

“Now, I could hide in one of them crate and let them carry me in with any effort done on my part… no that’d be too obvious and I could just end up locked in a freezer or something. Wait till they’ve finished their work or for a prime opp-o-tune-ity, and sneak in. That would be the best idea.” He thought.

As he sat there waiting for an opportunity he started to dwell on what could be the consequences of his actions but then again anything beats dying helplessly in the cold and darkness. Herp looks around, the coast is clear, he makes a dash for the door way and dived for cover as soon as he was inside. He ended up behind a sack of apples, sweet sweet red apples. He quickly snatched one and placed it in his pocket whiling scanning the room. The room was filled with humans in white standing at large shiny metal tables all busy with preparing and cooking food and steam spraying up at random places, it’d be foolish to linger here for long though these humans are too busy to notice Herp and he knew it.
His eyes then caught sight of the biggest cake he’d ever seen; it was bigger than him, pink with white icing roses. It was left alone on a trolley with a large cloth covering the side.

“I could hide under that con-trap-tion where not a soul could see me, and I might be able to borrow a piece o’ that heavenly cake and take my leave before any of these chaps are any the wiser” he thought to himself while rubbing together his claws and licking his lips.

He crawled along the floor and slid into the trolley, the first thing he noticed was the oversized knife which looked more like a sword. It was clear that it was going to be used to cut the cake, then then he noticed that this maybe the stupidest plan he’s ever had and it might be time to leave before someone turns that knife on him. But as he pulled up the cloth to exit the trolley he noticed that it start to move, jumping out now would be as stupid as getting in this trolley in the first place. So he pulled the cloth back down and stayed as still as he could so not attract any unwanted attention. He heard double doors open then applause followed by a gentle stop of the trolley. Herp was now somewhere he never thought he ever been in a million years, in the centre of a party filled with the richest and most influential people in Bonk or maybe the whole disc.
Suddenly an arm reached into the trolley and started feeling around. Herp started to panic; did his breathing give him away? Is his smell out of place? Suddenly his claw felt the handle of the knife and he held it in front of him hoping it would scare off the man reaching for him. Instead the hand grabbed it and pulled it from his grasp and then returned to cut the cake. Relief came over Herp like a tide upon the sandy breach, maybe he didn’t see him. But he was still stuck and had no idea what to do next.

“Why do I always end up in these sit-u-rations?” he thought to himself

[MrsWizzard]

"Well, I hope you realize this is all rather new to Me as well. I'm not exactly trained for this sort of thing, you know."

Iggy stood before his god. Well, not his god specifically. Iggy had always been more of a casual believer.* This god happened to be the God of Negotiable Affection, and had just happened to be hovering around the corner the tavern was on when the bar fight had broken out and had simply overheard Iggy and granted a prayer out of boredom.

"I must say, though, it was a rather silly thing to pray for."

Iggy scowled. "I was drunk. There was a shattered bottle at my neck. You were pretty cheap in holding yer own end up, ya know."

The god simply shrugged. "You prayed to survive the night, you bargained, I granted you your wish."

"I didn't mean for me to bite it the next day!"

"You did not pray for a protection plan. Oh, do not give Me that look, you would not have gotten it, anyway. Have you seen your Holy Points lately?"

"Holy Points?"

"Yes, they're very bad." A short scroll appeared in the god's heavily ringed hands and unraveled itself. "You rescued a little girl's balloon from a tree when you were seven, then it all sort of leveled out from there."

"I asked her out afterwards, and she laughed at me and said no all on account of me having braces! It's hard to bounce back from that kinda rejection! And you're telling me you actually keep track of all that stuff?"

"All a part of the Great Game, I'm afraid. Look, I'm not too happy about it either, you've put Me quite a while behind Offler this round, but we all must learn to make due. Shall we find your first assignment?"

Iggy crossed his arms and growled, but gave no further protest.

"Then we shall let the Fates decide!" Thunder rolled as the God of Negotiable Affection raised a glittering hand. Lightning crackled abound, and as he dove his mighty hand down, a comically over sized top hat materialized in its path. The hand went in, rummaged around a little, and reemerged holding a scrap of paper. "Here you are," he said, handing the tiny slip to Iggy. "Now be on your way."

Iggy looked at the paper. "Uberwald?" he said. "I have to go all the way to Uberwald? I bet this guy ain't even somebody."

"I hesitate to point out that neither were you." said the god. "But I feel sorry for you, what with your life having been so pathetic, so I shall release you back to the Disc in Bonk, where you'll find him in great need of your help."

Iggy buzzed his new wings furiously. They couldn't even make him fly.

*All those "Oh, my god's" and "Dear, lord's" had to go somewhere, you know.

* * * * *

Iggy materialized fifty yards away from the mansion's gate. At the door, guests were greeted by a very large man in a suit and let in upon presentation of their invitation. Each one was very finely dressed and wore a mask covering the top half of their face.

"Great," said Iggy. "It's one of them swank affairs." He looked around for a moment and found a suitable alleyway. He disappeared inside, and there was a brief explosion of glitter. Stepping out, Iggy was dressed suavely in a fitted tuxedo, his hair neatly combed, (a first in his recent lifetime), and wearing a goblin mask over his eyes, complete with long pointed green nose. He approached the door and the bouncer snorted at the sight of him.

"Nice wings, boy," he said, giving them a teasing yank that made Iggy wince. "You s'posed to be the Pixie King or something?"

Iggy lined up a snide remark about the bouncer's mother in his head, but restrained himself and merely handed him an invitation that was perfectly identical to the one hundred others he had seen that night. Before he went in, he noticed something peculiar above the man's head. The name "Maxwell Schiebmeister" floated there in neat script. Ah, so that was how he would find his man! He had the name on the slip of paper in his pocket. Now all he would need to do was find the body walking around underneath it.

He walked inside, it seemed, just in time for the cake to be presented. It was rolled out on a trolley into the middle of the room. Iggy looked around at the hundreds of people of clearly several different species in a circle around the cake. There almost was not enough room in the air for all of the names floating above them. The masks would not present a problem in finding this guy, but the size of this crowd certainly would.

[Jezzron]

Herp sat there trying to think of a way out of his current predicament, well suddenly the arm of the chef returned with a knife covered in pink frosting and cake bits pointing right at him, instincts kicked in and told him to run but he more fell out the trolley and fell through another layer of cloth. He laid there for a moment attempting to figure out where he landed, it was dark in here, then suddenly there was a scream that came from above him and his eyes almost popped out his skull and his skin turned red with shame and embarrassment, he crawled out from under the large ladies dress and ran in a random direction hoping to escape watching eyes and dodge the hands reaching out to grab him, it didn’t take long for a group of bouncers to notice the problem, especially when an attractive young lady yells out:
“OoooOooH Help me! Help me! Something has climbed under my dress!”

Herp was fast though, he was used to running away from people and weaving through crowds, he spotted the exit it then ran towards it at high speed, but to his surprize he was lifted from the ground causing his legs to run in the air for a moment. He looked up at tall vampire holding him up with one hand at arm’s length.

The vampire was thin and very tall to an extent he was almost towering over most of the guests; he had thinning silver hair, a paleface and a nose that looked like he could hide a small fortune in it. He was wearing a long black robe with had an arch on his back that looked like it covered a pair of large batwings. The vampire looked down at the goblin though his round specs and raised an eyebrow before being approached by the group of bouncers.
One of the braver bouncers stepped forwards and asked “Sir, would you like me to handle this?”
The vampire looked down at the bouncers, his boding turned on the spot like a crane.
“Oh? And what has this little fellow done?” he asked
“Erm...”
“Hmm?”
“He was trespassing sir, and he’s vermin! And besides... he was…”
“Yes?”
“He was inside a woman’s dress sir” said the bouncer red faced
The vampire shot a glance at Herp who retuned it with a guilty luck then a smile and a shrug of his shoulders. The vampire gave a little chuckle and then returned his gaze to the bouncer who now found himself alone.
“Mr...” the Vampire leaned closer to the bouncer reading his name badge “Fisher, I find myself disappointed that I have to tell you Goblins are valued members of our society” he said as he subtly scanning the crowd now that was now watching him and hanging off his every word. “And I’ve always felt entitled to help out the less fortunate like this little fella here”
The vampire placed down Herp gently next to him and gave him a small pat on the hat, “I’d like Mr…?” he said looking down at the goblin
“Smiles” replied Herp in a voice that had a texture s like cracked leather
“I’d like Mr Smiles to attend this little party instead of being left in the cold to die, after all, this event is for charity” the vampire said to the bouncer with a smile that was met with whispers of approval and followed upon with a small applause from the crowd.
“You may return to your post now Mr Fisher”
“Eh, Yes sir” The bouncer replied standing there awkwardly for a moment before wondering off.

The vampire leaned down to Herp once everyone had returned to their affairs.
“Why thank you sor, I’m very a-pre-she-ative of your kindness” Herp said to him with a large smile on his face, but the smile on the vampires face vanished and was replaced with a stern look.
“Listen Mr Smiles, call me Lord Lumthorne. And I don’t want you to cause any more trouble or you’ll find freezing to death in the snow to be the least unpleasant thing to happen to you tonight” Lord Lumthorne said before returning to full height and attempting to disappear in the crowd dramatically but the effect was ruined by him being about a foot faller then most the other guests.
Herp stood there for a moment trying to work out what to do next, he never attended a party like this before, and the closest he’s ever been was sharing a can of beans with some local homeless people.

Suddenly a voice of a young woman said behind him “So Mr Smiles, what’s it like being a Goblin in Bonk?”
Herp turned and smiled to see a small group of young women leaning down to talk to him.
“I bet it’s just awful how people treat you isn’t it?” said another young lady
“Well ladies” he said as he made his way to an oversized, black leather chair.
He gently took a cigar and a glass of brandy from a passing tray and sat down on the chair where began to explain to them his live story with some twists and with a couple of sentence enhancers he’s picked up over the years that will make his first impression not one to forgotten.

[MrsWizzard]

Iggy watched in amusement as the goblin bolted from underneath the cake and was quickly snatched up by the party's apparent host. He'd never seen a good goblin flogging, but he'd heard word passed around by some of the bar's more eccentric patrons, i.e. the ones already half mad from the drink with lots of scars on their faces and mightily embellished stories to tell, and he chuckled inwardly at the chance of seeing one himself. That laugh turned to an audible sigh when the vampire let the goblin down. Then that sigh turned into a groan when the crowd finally cleared enough for the thing's name to be readable above its head.

"You have got to be kidding me." he said. "That miserable blob is my assignment?" He scoffed as the thing made itself cushy in a big leather chair and was surrounded by women. Psh, I bet I know which god's hanging around those broads, he thought. Iggy looked up to the ceiling which, appropriately, was decored with a mural of naked women on clam shells and cherubs. "Well, he don't look like he needs me now," he called up to it. "Whaddaya want me to do? Leave him a business card?" Like the punchline to a bad joke, a small card appeared in Iggy's hand. It read:

For a magical time, call
Ignatius Harpwell
Just do a little spin and whistle, and all your dreams will come true!!!!!

Five exclamation marks, Iggy noted. Clearly someone's sanity was at stake because of this card, and everything was coming up Ignatius. He pinched the bridge of his false goblin nose, folded the slip into a little paper glider, and blew it from his palm. It flew across the room, weaving through other party-goers, and landed neatly in the goblin's breast pocket. Iggy brushed his hands together at a job lazily done, grabbed a glass of sherry off of a passing tray, and made his way to the open bar.

"Bugger this, I'm getting drunk."

[Jezzron]

The party was coming slowly to an end, most of the guest left apart from the heavy drinkers and the people who had nowhere to go which included Herp who were now washing down the last of the finger foods with another brandy.
Still in his comfy chair that at this point has half consumed him he took a final drag of his cigar and placedthe butt in a near by potted plant as he gazed across the almost emptying room. There were only a handful of people left; none of them were the pretty young ladies he started the party with. He jumped out his chair and landed on his feet swaying a little before tilting his hat to the direction of the bar like he was pointing the direction for his legs to take him. His nose met the bar counter and sat there for a moment sniffing the bar before letting the rest of his head emerge from below.

“Hello my goid man, I would loike one of them droinksh with the oi-live on a shtick!... Noesh! I choige my moind!... Hic! I’ll have what this pretty pixy’s having” Herp said to the bartender before giggling to himself “Wh, What, What’s that you have their pixy man?”

[MrsWizzard]

Iggy, propping his head on his hand to keep the room from spinning, looked beside him where the goblin had now lugged itself onto the bar. He growled quietly in disgust of the reeking thing that didn't so much penetrate the air but mercilessly violate it with the stench of alcohol fermenting from its pores. Ew, he thought. It talks.

"Whattam aye havin'?" he slurred. "A Rude Awakenin'." A Rude Awakening was a kind of drink that consisted of equal parts the bar's oldest stuff on the shelves, filtered through the bartender's left sock (who'd been working a triple shift for this party), chili powder, and a bit of chocolate laxative for a bit of sweetness. Indeed it would lead to a Rude Awakening the following morning for anyone else, but being technically post mortem, Iggy hoped the drink wouldn't notice.

"Give it a double, barkeep," he said, slamming his hand particularly hard onto the bar to attract the bartender's attention. "The way this one's lookin' it'll need a little extra something to wake up tamorrow." Iggy's wings fluttered briefly, leaving a small cloud of pixy dust in the air that surrounded him and shimmered in the half light of the corner in which the bar was in, outlining him like a gloriously drunken angel.

[Jezzron]

Herp stared at the drink in front of him half expecting it to climb out of the glass and sliver across the table. He looked up at the man in the mask with a curious looks then back to his drink. Anyone with half a mind could tell by the look of sudden disappointment, slight curiosity and regret on his face what he was thinking at that moment. He slowly placed a claw around the glass and picks it up gently like he was holding a glass of strong acid.

He gave the masked figure a quick smile and was about to take a sip until he was interrupted by a man walking up next to him “Pardon me Mr Smiles.” Herp turned to face the man; he was wearing a cheap suit and a fedora hat with a slip of paper hanging out with the word “PRESS” written on.
“Have you got time to answer a few questions for the Times?” The man asked as he flourished a notepad and pen from his breast pocket like it was a dangerous weapon.
Herp tried to hide to look of relief on his face but he was never any good at hiding emotions, “Anything for the press my boy” he replied with a smile of sharp yellow teeth as he placed his drink back on the bar.
“Great!” the man said with a smile “Firstly: It has been said that Lord Lumthorne has been trying to gain the public’s opinion for some time, and he’s been doing this by trying to make himself look like “a man of the people” so to say.”
This was true, even Herp would see the Lords face in some of the newspapers he used as blankets and in some cases toilet roll.
“And the main way he's been doing this, it is said, is by highering actors and acting himself. What’s your opinion on these rumours?”
Herp wiggled his nose as he scoured his head for an answer that wouldn’t lead to him with a pale face and two holes in his neck in the morning. “We- eel! The man’s …em, vampires kindness clearly knows no bounds and cloirly from toiking to the m…person foist hand there was no sign of acting, and i'm no actor my shelf...hic! If that’s what you were trying to imploy” he said with a smile and a hiccup.

The reporter scribbled furiously on his notepad trying to keep up and understand what the goblin was saying.
“All right sir! I warned you about asking questions” a voice of a bouncer came behind the reporter “I'm going to have to ask you to leave” he said gentally placing a large hand on the man’s shoulder, this was followed by a large clap sound that echoed through the hall causing the humming of conversation to stop for a brief moment, the bouncer turned to man who placed the oversized hand on his shoulder and came eye to chest with him.
“I wouldn't touch him if I was you boy” said the giant of a man whose voice could make boulders crack, this voice belonged to a bald man oversized man who was covered in scars and burns, he was dressed in a cheap suit like the reporter but had chains wrapped around his scarred knuckles. The bouncer shuffled backwards removing his hand swiftly from the reporters shoulder “L..listen s.sir, I don't m.make the rules here I just.." stammered the bouncer as he slowly shuffled away. Boris folded his arms and stood behind the reporter. The reporter finished his scribbling and handed the bouncer a money small pouch, he thenreturned his glaze back down to Herp as if he didn’t even notice the events that happened behind him. The bribe plus the moutian of muscle infront of him was enough for him to take a hint and quickly walked off like nothing happened.

“Okay next question: w...” The reporter tried to say before he started to cough, he looked over at the drink in the goblins hand “may I?”
Herp not taking his eyes off Boris and with no change with his fearful face nodded slowly; in turn the reporter grabbed the drink next to Herps and took a large gulp of the drink, draining it. “Right so what do you think about Lord Lumthorne adopted human son in Ankh-Morpork?... You know the one he adopted years ago and put in the Assassins guild. As you know this party is in honour of his return yet he hasn’t turned up for some reason, do you even know the boy’s n…” Once again the reporter was interrupted but this time by a bubbleing noise that was coming from his belly. “Excuse me for a moment!” he said as he started to walk in the direction of the toilets, but after a second and more intence bubbling noise burst into a slight run. Boris looked at Goblin and the masked man for a moment then sighed out his nose before walking after the reporter.

[Adie]

Lilah was having a great time at the masquerade party. All the cocktails, and dancing, and small pieces of food being handed around reminded her of how much she had missed this life. So it was good to be back.

Bonk had seemed the right place to go, as they didnt care too much there if you had a Past. Especially seeing as she was an attractive young lady with money. because of this, her dance card was full.

The music came to a halt when the cake wheeled in, and Lilah joined in on the applause. "This is wonderful, isnt it" she said to the person next to her.

All of a sudden she heard people yelling. The next thing she realised was that a goblin had bolted toward her, and hidden under her skirt.

"OoooOooH Help me! help me! Something has climbed under my dress!" she yelled, resisting the urge to drag the goblin out and throttle him. She didnt want to become an outcast here too, and behaving like she used to would have ensured that. Anyway, she was retired from all that.

Teh goblin ran off, and Lilah pretended to faint.

[Adie]

By the time Lilah was allowed to return to the party after fainting, most of the guests had already left. She was mildly annoyed by this, as she'd missed her chance to dance with Cassanunder, who, despite the height difference, was rumoured to be an excellent dancer.

"Could you organise a carriage to get me home" she asked one of the servants, before heading to the bar for one last drink. It was only then she noticed the winged man was still there.

She sat near him, curious as to whether they were real or not.