2013 WRITER OF THE YEAR- OPEN!

[poohcarrot]

You used capital letters, didn't you?

[Jan Van Quirm]

Merde alors

So it's windbag drabbles obviously - 198, 369 and 360 word counts so far not counting the titles....

Back atcha then smartypants

To Irrevocably Knacker

Poohvert and JVQ were celebrating a lacksadaisical Valentine's Day together. Poohvert had cooked a tumescent dinner and they ate in the mire by candlelight.

"My darling," JVQ said, stroking Poohvert's rectum, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Poohvert. "It is but a phenomenal token of my exhaustive love."

Poohvert opened the box. Inside was a saucy ne'er-do-well! He gazed at it busily. Then he gazed at JVQ busily. "It's camp," Poohvert said. "Come here and let me knacker you."

Just then, a resplendent crone sprang out of hiding and cackled and they all rutted like demented stoats until the cows came home. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a frivolous voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

JVQ read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other devilishly as the crone cackled some more. Poohvert's pubes began to tremble. Then JVQ shrugged, pulled out a bludgeon, and hit the crone on her mons venus. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Poohvert said and kissed JVQ embarrassingly. "This is a xenophobic Valentine's Day!"

They merrily burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they knackered each other all night long.


149 words - I come closest so far

[CrysaniaMajere]

That is the same piece that came when I tried it, only with my words in the blank spaces

[michelanCello]

This is just...sad

[Jan Van Quirm]

You should try reading some of the 'fanfic' - well actually don't unless you really enjoy slash

[Sjoerd3000]

It's quite fun

A Dumb Day To Walk

Pooh stepped happily out into the warm sunshine, and admired Klaas's ear. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a jealous sight."

Klaas climbed off the earth and walked silently across the grass to greet his lover. Pooh patted Klaas on the finger and then tried to walk him correctly, but without success.

"That's all right," Klaas said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not brave," Pooh. "Not as brave as the time we walked in a world."

Klaas nodded always. "We were small back in those days."

"Our brains were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Pooh said. "Everything seems angry and large when you're young."

"Of course," Klaas said. "But now we're rich, we can still have fun. If we go about it easily."

"Easily?" Pooh said . "But how?"

"With this," Klaas said and held out a tender snow. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to walk."

Pooh swallowed the snow at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to walk easily. They walked Don't point that metaphor at me!. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

[michelanCello]

Klaas?? Really?

[Sjoerd3000]

It's a good Dutch name

[SimStars13]

This is weird, but amusing... (I used real people, so I substituted with one's from my favourite band [although one is feminised!])

The Adventure Of The Otter

Martin Skarendahl and Samantha Swallows were out for a gorgeous Valentine's walk in a small hole in ground, somewhere far, far away from here. As they went, Samantha Swallows rested her hand on Martin Skarendahl's foot. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so android, Martin Skarendahl was filled with sadly dread.

"Do you suppose it's rotten here?" he asked quickly.

"You hideous silly," Samantha Swallows said, tickling Martin Skarendahl with her fish. "It's completely scrawny."

Just then, a humanistic otter leapt out from behind a mountain pass and stole Samantha Swallows in the collar bone. "Aaargh!" Samantha Swallows screamed.

Things looked tepid. But Martin Skarendahl, although he was wide, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a robot and, like a small, spherical robot that thinks it will die every time it does anything, period, beat the otter smartly until it ran off. "That will teach you to steal innocent people."

Then he clasped Samantha Swallows close. Samantha Swallows was bleeding jealously. "My darling," Martin Skarendahl said, and pressed his lips to Samantha Swallows's broken toe-nail.

"I love you," Samantha Swallows said faintly, and expired in Martin Skarendahl's arms.

Martin Skarendahl never loved again.

[meerkat]

Shabbers and Maximillion
by William Shakespeare (never knew he wrote this stuff - can I have some of what he was taking? )

Enter Shabbers

Maximillion appears above at a window

Shabbers:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the bacon, and Maximillion is the long eared bat.
Arise, cattle long eared bat, and smack the magic chip.
See, how he leans his leg upon his eye ball!
O, that I were a glove upon that eye ball,
That I might touch that leg!

Maximillion:
O Shabbers, Shabbers! wherefore art thou Shabbers?
What's in a name? That which we call an elbow
By any other name would smell as humungous
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "flew like a jet fighter on steroids"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove knob.

Shabbers:
Swain, by yonder magic chip I swear
That tips on a bath plug the grotesque egg--

Maximillion:
O, swear not by the chip, the smudge chip,
That adversly changes in its resplendant orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise resplendant.
Sweet, pen night! A thousand times pen night!
Parting is such effervesant sorrow,
That I shall say pen night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Shabbers:
Sleep dwell upon thy leg, peace in thine eye ball!
Would I were sleep and peace, so shabbily to rest!
cryptology will I to my cattle elbow's cell,
Its help to smack, and my humungous elbow to tell.

[poohcarrot]

Pooh stepped quickly out into the painful sunshine, and admired Jano's bum. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a slippery sight."

"My darling," JVQ said, stroking Poohvert's rectum,

I can't help noticing a certain pattern developing - bums!

I'm sure you've all realised by now that if you make a "drabble" then go back a page and make another "drabble", it's a different one. There are about 8 different ones.

I'm going to have endless fun with my students with this.

[Jan Van Quirm]

Pooh stepped quickly out into the painful sunshine, and admired Jano's bum. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a slippery sight."

"My darling," JVQ said, stroking Poohvert's rectum,

I can't help noticing a certain pattern developing - bums!

Something like tit for tat?

There was something about changing the word criteria once you'd completed a drabble (at the end there was an option to do more but with a different configuration? ) - has anyone managed to do that yet?

[Sjoerd3000]

If you refresh the page you get a different drabble

[ShadowNinjaCat]

I keep refreshing,this site is too funny.

The Glamorous Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Some guy and Shadow went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Some guy hit Shadow in her toe with a big awesome iceball. It hurt a lot, but Some guy kissed it stealthily and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really nutritious snow man!" Some guy said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Shadow said. "That would be more crooked and politically correct."

"I know," Some guy said. "We can make a snow armadillo. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up boldly and made a sentient snow armadillo. Some guy put on a potato for the eyeball. The armadillo was almost as big as Shadow.

"It looks teeny-tiny," Some guy said uselessly. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Shadow said and held up a purple velociraptor. "I found this under a meteor." She put the velociraptor onto the armadillo's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the armadillo, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a pony stealing your onions.

Shadow screamed accidentally and ran but the snow armadillo chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow armadillo poked her patiently.

"Nobody does that to my little weird Cat," Some guy screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow armadillo through the hair. It fell down and Some guy kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Shadow said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The velociraptor lay in the yard until an expensive child picked it up and took it home.

[michelanCello]

Some guy