The Leonard of Quirm Renaming of Everyday Objects Thread

[Fortune Clutterbuck]

Make you fat quicker substance


Ironing board

[Sister Jennifer]

The household device for helping women drink wine & catch up on their 'to watch' movie list.

Underpants.

[Del]

Things one of my brothers learnt to wear after the second trip to the emergency room by ambulance.

Hair brush.

[Fortune Clutterbuck]

Device for torturing small children with long hair



pencil

[Batty]

The object that inspired Willian Shakespeare to write a speech ...

... 2B, or not 2B. That is the question ....???

drawing pin.

[Del]

Thing that will fly off noticeboard and in kitchen and no matter HOW long you look for it you will not find it. ........ until 2 am, when it will mysteriously turn UP (pointy end first) an exact number of footsteps between your bed and the toilet. Pointy part is long enough to penetrate deeply enough to cause excruciating pain and horror, but not long enough to require sympathy.

Extension cord.

[Fortune Clutterbuck]

Device for taking electrical things from nearer to further away

[MongoGutman]

To get the thread moving again ...

rename alarm clock

[Seimimac]

Alarm clock - device for aggravating the hell out of you whilst also rousing you momentarily from sleep, though not enough to make you get up straight away*

*Add 'snooze' function so this process of aggravation can be repeated several times.

TV remote control

[Sister Jennifer]

The Big Boy Pacifier.

satellite navigation.

[Del]

Speaking device in car that will tell you in its posh English voice to turn left at the next intersection when, although you admit you dont know where you are going eventually you DO know you way around THIS area to get there and you know DAMN well you need to turn RIGHT! SO YOU CAN JUST SHUT UP BECAUSE I AM TURNING RIGHT!

Said device is also constantly warning you of bears!

Ceiling fan.

[Batty]

An object on the ceiling that twirls slowly around, refusing to gain enough speed to create a cool draught, while stirring and aiming warm air in your general direction.
Is also used by the evil dust bunny clan as a merry-go-round, as they hide from any attempts at dusting the thing.

pencil case

[Seimimac]

Pencil case - Spawning ground for all writing instruments before they begin their migration to under the sofa, behind books on the bookshelf and the floor, at which time the process begins all over again with the familiar cry of the pen Gods - 'Why don't people just put the *@#! pens back in the #@!8 case!? Right! That's it! I'm putting these new pens in here now! People had better put them back after they've used them!'

Coffee cup.