by MongoGutman » Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:48 am
Two swing songs - the first is for a crooner, say a young Sinatra -
My Big Baby
My big baby's as fat as a pig
The whole world shakes when she does a jig
A blimp's as round but not as big
To count her chins you need to use some trig,
I really love, I really love her so.
My big baby, she's such a wide load
When she goes out she blocks the road
She got a letter from the city, whaddya s'pose:
She's been given her own area code.
I really love, I really love her so.
This feller couldn't feel better
She's massive and she's passive
I chased her and I caught her
But when she sat on my lap
She nearly squashed me flat!
My big baby's always in an eating mood
For anything baked fried boiled or stewed
And if you don't want to see them chewed
Better keep your fingers away from her food.
I really love, I really love her so.
My big baby, I don't think
Would ever drown if she fell in the drink
For though the ocean might turn pink
All that blubber could never sink
I really love, I really love her so.
This feller couldn't feel better
She's massive and she's passive
I chased her and I caught her
But when she sat on my lap
She nearly squashed me flat!
Me and my baby we love to spoon
Her sloppy kisses they make me swoon
When we go out she eclipses the moon
But I'm going to her soon
'Cause I really love, I really love her so
She's my baby and I'm her bloke
I've lost count of the chairs she's broke
She could eat a turkey whole and never choke
When she stood on some scales they started to smoke.
I really love, I really love her so.
I really love, I really love.
Every.
Sweaty.
Wobbling.
Pound of her so!
~finis~
- and this one for a smallish band, Louis Jordan style
plain text: vocalist/band leader
italics: shouted questions from various band members
CAPITALS: all band shouting together.
That Woman
That woman, she aint no good for you
No, that woman, she 's just no good for you
- So what is she good for then?
She's good for a drink, good for a time
Bur when morning comes you gonna be cryin'
'Cause that woman, she aint no good for you.
That Woman, she don't care 'bout you
That Woman, she just don't care 'bout you
- What do she care about, Boss?
She cares for your money, cares for your dough
And when it's all gone, why then she'll blow
No, that woman, don't care nothing for you.
That woman, she won't treat you right
That woman, she aint gonna treat you right
- How is she gonna treat him?
She'll treat you like a fool, treat you like a dog
Treat you to a lesson from the school of hard knocks,
That woman she just won't treat you right.
That woman, she's too fast for you
That woman, she's much too fast for you
- Just how fast is this broad?
She's fast as a twister or a hurricane
Fast as a bullet straight to your brain
That woman's far too fast for you.
-- instrumental interlude with clarinet solo --
That woman, she aint no good for you
No, that woman, she's just no good for you
- What should he do then Boss?
But I gots you covered, don't have no fear
You just up and SEND HER OVER HERE!
'Cause that woman, she's no good for you.
She's no good for you
Just send her right on over, boy,
Yes sir!
- finis -
...Mongo
Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change? ~~ Oddball