Ankh-Morpork Times (Editor's Desk)

[Hvitveis]

(Classifieds -Lonely Hearts )

Igor wltm thientitht. mutht have GThOH and own laboratory

[Tonyblack]

Those are great, Mongo!

[deldaisy]

Yeah! Give us more Mongo.

[HobbitFeets]

Ankh-Morpork Sports Page

By Jon Motsoon

Albert’s Buns Pack a Punch

Albert Anvil was victorious in The Annual Battle Bread Throwing Contest. He picked up the prestigious Granite Scone award for a whopping 12.6 metre throw. Mr Anvil put it down to “good grub, regular training and a good quaffing of ale afterwards.” Reginald Darkbeard was disqualified for illegal use of a baguette.

The Results
Sponsored by Grit and Bear it Bakery. ‘The Bread that keeps you going.’

1st –Albert Anvil – 12.6 metres.
2nd – Basil Stronginthearm – 11 metres.
3rd – Cheery Littlebottom – 10.4 metres.
4th - Athur Ironfist – 10 metres.

Football Results

Unseen Academicals 2 Brazeneck College 1
Ankh Morpork United vs Nac Mac Feegle FC. Match abandoned due to crowd trouble form the away fans, and players being drunken dis-orderly.

The local football has seen a new team which started a few months ago, Nac mac Feegle FC. There first match saw the game abandoned, as a riot broke out due to ‘Cut Me Own Throat Catering’ running out of beer and the sausage in a bun. None of the home fans were affected as they just stood and watched the entertainment for themselves. Mr Dibbler commented. “I’ve never seen anything like it, the sausages went within a matter of minutes. Mind you I think my mistake was putting a happy hour on the beer. That was cutting my own throat.”

White Lightning in a Stew

The local Rat Racing Race Meetings are launching a full scale investigation into ‘White Lightning’s’ owner, Percy Peasbody. An allegation of using magical influence as surfaced so both rat and owner have been banned from all meetings until the investigation is completed

[HobbitFeets]

Classifieds……….

Employment wanted

Artimus Shovel seeks work

Skills
Bulls De-knackered, Swamp Dragons Muzzled, Trolls Fought, Virgin’s Converted, Buccaneer, Drag Queen, Hunter, Impersonator, Arm Wrestler and Curry Cook.

No job too small. Rates negotiable.

[HobbitFeets]

Dear Sir

I wish to speak my mind at my annoyance. I was at the local Ankh Market today and I found a strange little fellow selling 'Learning Pills' ten for $1. Even though I thought this was steep I thought I would try some. I paid my $ and tried one straight away. "yuk those are disgusting, they taste like sheep pooh," said I trying to get the awful taste out of my mouth. The grubby little fellow just smiled back at me and said "Your learning..." I must say that this stall needs looking into and the chap's customer service is plain dreadful.

Yours a not so eager to learn

Dorris Madcap III

[Tonyblack]

[HobbitFeets]

:lol:

I thought someone would like those