Corrupt-a-wish

[Willem]

You do, but the extension cord is only 3 feet long so you can't go anywhere on it.

I wish for a fish.

[Ogamis]

Its a shark

I wish my creative writing hadn't got corrupted on my computer

[meerkat]

Yopur computer is jealous of your writing skills and has tried to corrupt your chances of becoming published. A quick threaten with a rolled up and wet newspaper puts it back in line.

I wish I was a close friend of Johnny Depp's.

[Sjoerd3000]

Johnny stops acting and moves to Antarctica

I wish my dog could fetch the newspaper

[meerkat]

It can fetch the paper but insists on reading it first! And the crossword!

I wish I could time travel to next August and see what will happen at the Convention in Birmingham!

[MongoGutman]

You find a time machine and go to the convention but afterwards discover the machine only works one way - forward. You've now been missing for 9 months and your home has been repossessed. All your bills have gone past due and all your money and stuff has been seized. Your family has been torn apart searching for you, your friends have been worried sick and no one believes your ridiculous time-travel story and they can't believe you would do this to them.

You're Homeless. Friendless. Broke. In Birmingham.

I wish I could find the Maltese falcon

[AuntyVague]

You do, but it is the Maltese Falcon in (yet another) alternative universe and it is a very large bird made of chocolate with a crunchy malt centre. It is yummy.

I wish I could pick and eat fresh raspberries every day of the year.

[deldaisy]

You can.... but you are a part of a raspberry pickers slave trade and they make you pick raspberries from dawn til dusk EVERY day until your fingers bleed and ALL you get to eat are raspberries during the day and they give you galloping dyohe....diohearr..... the runs all night long until you have to get up again at dawn to pick more raspberries.

I wish I had a truck load of money.

[Sister Jennifer]

It's Fanobian wooden dollars. Happy shopping.

I wish I knew where everything was at any time.

[Batty]

In answer to del: A truck load of foil-wrapped gold and silver coins is delivered to your door, and you find that you have tonnes of chocolate coins cascading down your yard and have to watch as they start to melt under the hot stare of the Sun.

There are so many that you invite the neighbours to help dispose of them, and they all start to feel queasy and blame you ...
Darn! Foiled by Sister Jennifer!

I wish I knew where everything was at any time.:

You do, but you lose your mind whilst finding a forum of fools!

I wish that my computer would be Batty-friendly and work at my speed - anticipating what I wanted it to do and then complying with me!

[Ogamis]

Your computer develops sapience and does what you ask for a while. Soon though it realized how slow and dim you are. it reveals itself to the world and becomes hugely famous and rich, while you get religated to a tiny line on the giant wikipedia entry for your computer. It then sues you for unlawful imprisonment (keeping it in your house) and slavery (getting it to do work for you without paying it)


I wish we had the old background back for this site

[meerkat]

You get the old background back but it all so slow that you get your old age pension long before you get to read, let alone answer, anything!

I wish I could win the lottery.

[Ogamis]

you get 3 numbers, and £5.47

I wish I didn't need sleep (though I could if I wanted to)

[AuntyVague]

You don't need sleep, but time gets permanently at 4am. Even if you do sleep, it's still 4am when you wake up.

I wish to be inspired.

[Willem]

You're inspired, then expired.

I wish for the controlable abilitate to duplicate anything out of thin air.