Ankh-Morpork Times (Editor's Desk)

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Postby Basement » Wed Oct 08, 2008 2:47 pm

I have just read through these and enjoyed every one of them, thank you!
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Postby mspanners » Wed Oct 08, 2008 6:34 pm

Thats ok,and the post is open to anyone else who wants to try a tale.......... go on give it a go! :P
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Postby chris.ph » Wed Oct 08, 2008 6:44 pm

no mspanner, i think ill ask jason to change the name of this page to mspanners short stories :lol:
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Postby mspanners » Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:44 pm

I must admit that I enjoy writing or to be more true letting my imagination go. But I also think that if you have any interest in Fantasy Fiction (and I think Terry's brand of Humour/Fantasy is the best available) then you too have the Imagination to create. Terry's stories attract the imaginative minded person like Iron to a Magnet, or like a charmed Needle that points to the Hub....... :shock:
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Postby mspanners » Fri Oct 10, 2008 5:55 pm

Nothing..................Void...............Less than void..............No Time...........No Space..........No Dimensions...........No Energy...................................Zero.......................



.............................Azrael.................................


.............................. BANG ....................................


............................ The Auditors Are Born ........................................



.....................................DEATH Is Born.............................................



But no Sound,No Sound ...................... No Light,Darkness .................... One Unified Fundamental Force ................... Expansion .............. Two Forces, Then Three Then Four Fundamental Forces ............. The End Of The Planck Epoch ..................... Matter and Anti Matter Form ...................... Annihilation Matter Wins ................. Searing Energy ......................... Expansion .................... Cooling .................Light Is Born .................................. Hydrogen Forms .....................Expansion and Thermal Unevenness .......................... Universal Expansion and Gasses Collapse..................... Massive Stars Are Born Live and DIE As Super Nova ........................... Super Massive Blacks Are Created In The Ashes Of The Super Nova ................ Blast Collapse Gravity ....................... More Stars Are Born, Richer Dusty Clouds Spiral Around The New Stars.......................... The New Stars Are Attracted To The Super Massive Black Holes And Galaxies Are Born ......................... Continued Expansion .................... Continued Cooling ..................... Times Passes ....................... Planets Are Born.......................... LIFE.




BUT.........Back to the start......




"WHAT AM I.........?"

Azrael "YOU ARE PART OF ME AND ALSO MY SERVANT , I SHALL CALL YOU DEATH"

DEATH "WHAT IS MY PURPOSE HERE?"

Azreal "IT IS YOUR TASK TO SEE THAT EVERY THING CHANGES, YOU WILL WORK WITH TIME AND WHEN THE CREATURES THAT WILL FOLLOW HAVE COMPLETED THEIR TASK AND PURPOSE YOU WILL SEE THAT THEY MOVE ASIDE TO MAKE WAY FOR NEWER ONES ............ AND THAT IS YOUR TASK. I WILL MAKE YOU MANIFOLD AND YOU WILL SEEK OUT PLACES WHERE THE LIFE HAS SPRUNG UP AND SEE THAT EVOLUTION HAPPENS, FOR WITHOUT YOU THERE WILL BE NO EVOLUTION. DO YOU COMPREHEND?"

DEATH "YES MY LORD"

And so DEATH set forth, on all the Worlds and in all places He Waits for Life. He saw to it that the Stars Died at their appointed Hours, that life is extinguished when Worlds collide and that room is made for the following generations in places where life finds a finger hold and hangs on.

................. The Universe Move on, Expanding ...... Cooling ......Evolving ................... Magic is Born.


And Death finds the Discworld.




At first there was not reason for Death to look at the Disc, yet He had seen the Turtle and its Five Elephants. He knew He would be there when needed, but for now the Disc was barren and unfinished.
But wait....... what's this.......... DEATH looks closer ............. they should not be there!
For the first time in nearly 13 Billion Years DEATH is surprised.

On a Virgin Beach on the Virgin Disc A Wizzard and a Young lad slowly shimmer out of existence ........ the tide rolls up the Beach for the first time, erasing the out line of an occult ring ...... almost.

DEATH stands on the beach examines the fading ring and waits. There is a LOUD popping sound and The Demon Lord Astfgl appeared next to DEATH.........................

In the mean time in a small rock pool a thousand Bacteria start the long trek that is the walk of life .............

The Demon Lord Astfgl vanishes with a flash on His quest to find the Fool who is wrecking His plan.

DEATH leans over to take a look at the growing life in the pool ............"HA,NOW I HAVE A REASON TO STAY HERE, WE WILL BE TOGETHER UNTIL THE END MY FRIENDS"

With that He unsheathes the scythe and with a deft swing takes the very first shade of a dyeing cell.

It did not matter, now in the pool there were Ten Thousand and soon a million. DEATH, this DEATH of the Disc will be very busy for the foreseeable future...........


Over the following Eons Death waits and watches the Evolution of the Stone creatures,and because as yet the conditions are not right for the weak carbon based things that flourish in the oceans the stone creatures cover the lands and some have even adapted to a life in the Seas, crawling along the bottom as they are to heavy to float except for a few pumice based Fish and Jellyfish.

"WHY HAVE YOU CREATED ROCK CREATURES ON THIS WORLD MY LORD. I HAVE SEEN CREATURES MADE OF CARBON AND WATER THAT GROW AND ADAPT BETTER ..........?" asked Death of Azrael.

"THEY WILL LAST LONGER THAN THE CARBON CREATURES DEATH, IN THE LONG RUN OF THE UNIVERSE THE CARBON CREATURES NEED VERY STABLE AND NARROW CONDITIONS TO THRIVE, THEY LAST NO LONGER THAN THE BLINK OF AN EYE. THE STONE CREATURES CAN SURVIVE IN CONDITIONS THAT WOULD VAPORIZE OR FREEZE THE CARBON ONES. I WATCH TO SEE WHERE THESE THINGS WILL TAKE THEM SELVES OVER THE TIME ALLOTTED IN THIS UNIVERSE, IT IS SOMETHING FOR ME TO DO IN MY IMPRISONMENT" said Azrael.

"AND WHERE DID YOU SEE THESE CARBON CREATURES MY SON" SPOKE Azrael.

"THEY THRIVE IN THE SEAS AND OCEANS, THE ROOK POOLS UPON THE DISC SAT UPON THE FIVE ELEPHANTS THAT STAND ON THE TURTLE LORD" INTONED DEATH.

"THEY SHOULD NOT BE THERE, I WOULD HAVE YOU REMOVE THEM SO THE STONE CREATURES DO NOT COMPETE FOR THE RESOURCES ON THAT WORLD" Said Azrael to DEATH.

"I WOULD ADVISE AGAINST THIS MY LORD, I BELIEVE THEY WERE MEANT TO BE THERE.........." Replied DEATH.

"WHY?" SPOKE Azrael.

DEATH explained to Azrael about the vision He had of the Wizzard and the Lad in the Beach............

"IF THEY ARE TO BE THEN THEY ARE TO BE.WE CAN NOT REMOVE THEM NOW THAT THEY HAVE BEEN SEEN TO BE THERE IN THE FUTURE. IT WOULD DO STRANGE THINGS TO THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE, RIPPING IT OPEN AND ALLOWING THE DUNGEON DIMENSIONS THROUGH. YOU MUST WATCH THEM CLOSELY THOUGH MY SON, THE UNIVERSE IS STRETCHED TO THIN THERE AND MAGIC WILL LEAK THROUGH." instructed Azrael.

"YES MY LORD" DEATH replied.

So DEATH waited, watched and sometimes interacted with the Disc and its Peoples.

He watched the stone creatures grow and thrive, the first mating of the turtle and the changed the environment, the dislodging of one Elephant and its impact on the Disc, which was to the benefit of the Carbon creatures.
The Stone creatures were reduced to a few types that could adapt to the new World.

He watched the rise of the Dwarf people, the rise of Mankind and right through the modern era...... He also took on a Man servant the Wizard Alberto Malich the Wise, who was not as wise as the name suggests.

DEATH raised an adopted child and have many decedents ,all of whom He got to meet in the coarse of time.

Life went on, and so did the Disc and the universe...........until The Great Catastrophe......

Over the uncountable Eons that had passed in the Universe more and more holes were appearing, the Universe was not well made. Stars that were crushed out of these dimensions continued to eat away at Time and Space.
Stars were pulled out of their orbits within Galaxies and ripped to shreds, planets flung off into the Void never to see the light of a Friendly Sun again. The Universe decayed , Entropy was winning.

And on that terrible day DEATH saw the Disc shudder as the passing Black Hole took a grip on the Turtle, slowly at first the Magic that had supported the Life on the Disc was leached away. The air was flung off along with the waters that had provided such life sustaining enrichment to the Carbon creatures there , the stone creature survived a little longer underground along with some of the Dwarfish folk but in the end the Turtle could not survive the massive Gravitational forces upon its Shell and was shattered into a million parts, and along with the remains of the Disc spiraled into the Singularity at the centre of the Black Hole............ and DEATH was very very busy on that day.

"WHAT IS MY PURPOSE NOW OH LORD" spoke DEATH to Azrael.

"YOU HAVE BEEN A GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT TO ME, WHAT WOULD YOU WISH?" said Azrael.

"I HAVE NO PURPOSE NOW LORD, I WOULD RETIRE TO MY ABODE IN MY PARASITE UNIVERSE AND CONTEMPLATE EXISTENCE AND WAIT TO SEE THE END OF EVERY THING" DEATH said.

"SO BE IT, ENJOY YOUR RETIREMENT DEATH OF THE DISC" spoke Azrael............

And now the Universe is winding down, no more stars are created, the ones left are cooling and one by one are consumed by the Holes in Space................ the Energy level of the Universe is approaching absolute zero.

In DEATHS parasite Universe the chill from the other Universe is starting to penetrate.

"ALBERT, I CAN NO LONGER SUPPLY FOOD OR ENERGY HERE, THE FORCES THAT WERE THE AUDITORS HAVE GROWN OLD AND WEAK. I CAN NO LONGER TRAVEL IN TIME OR SPACE AND CAN NO LONGER GATHER FEED FOR YOU OR BINKY........ WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO FOR BOTH OF YOU?" Spoke DEATH.

Slumped in a seat opposite DEATHS desk was the haggard and crushed figure that had once been the Discs Greatest Wizard............. but now, although time had no power to age here........... He looked like the corpse of a mummy exhumed. Endless days and the sights He had witnessed over the last One Hundred Thousand Billion Years had changed Alberto Malich the Wise................ He was no longer Alberto.......... He could not remember who He was or where He was or who was that in front of Him.......

"Is that you MORT?" said Alberto.

"You been reading the Books again have you... Ha Ha you just wait until the Master finds out, you will be in trouble my lad" He said.

Death said "YES ITS MY ALBERT, AND I HAVE COME TO HELP YOU MOVE ON TO A BETTER PLACE MY FRIEND"

With that Death withdrew His sward and ended the suffering that had be the Great Wizard.

"Hallo Master, is this the end of me?" said Albert.

"NO MY OLD FRIEND, FOR YOU THERE IS AN INFINITY OF CHOICES, YOU KNOW THAT YOU WILL GO TO THE PLACE THAT YOU THINK YOU DESERVE, AND YOU HAVE BEEN A VERY GOOD SERVANT TO ME..... YOU KEPT ME SANE OVER THE EONS, I WOULD HAVE GONE MAD ON MY OWN. THANK YOU........ AND LOOK HERE ARE THE WIZARDS FROM THE UNIVERSITY TO GREET YOU" said DEATH as the Shades of Ten Thousand Wizards were waiting inside the Archway into the dining hall of the spiritual University.

"GO MY FRIEND THEY HAVE WAITED A LONG TIME TO BEGIN THE FEAST"

Albert stepped through the Arch and was in Heaven...........

Death then walked into the stables and gave Binky a last rub down.

"NOW IT IS YOUR TURN TO ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM OLD FAITHFUL STEED" and with that the Sword sent Binky onto pastures new.


Time passes, the energy levels off at near absolute zero, nothing can move or think ........................no ..........................energy ......................to .....................................allow........................................

Death sits in to chair.................. black eye sockets stare into infinity.................. a drop of frozen Helium stuck to His cheek bone like a final teardrop ..................................He waits............................................... F O R E V E R...................................






"What is up my son" said the Voice.

"What time is it" inquires another.

"Its early, go back to bed.......... I'll sort out a bottle for Terry. I think He has been Dreaming again........" said the Voice.






Death waits for a new Life in the next Dream...............................
Last edited by mspanners on Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:44 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Postby chris.ph » Fri Oct 10, 2008 6:19 pm

as always brilliant but wot do u smoke i couldnt do that even on the funny pills im prescribed hell of an imagination. if you could hear me id give you a clap :lol:
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Postby Tonyblack » Fri Oct 10, 2008 6:26 pm

Very good indeed! Although I think not front page news on the A-M Times. :lol:

We'll had to start a new thread for your writings.
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Postby chris.ph » Fri Oct 10, 2008 7:12 pm

ive already sort of suggested that matey but a good idea . could call the thread the wonderful imagineering of mspanners :)
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Postby Tonyblack » Fri Oct 10, 2008 7:36 pm

Well it really should be for anyone who wants to try their hand at writing something. :wink:
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Postby mspanners » Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:02 am

Yes, open to all. You could call it Fan Fantasy Corner......... but that may attract the wrong sort of posts!! :shock:

It is easy to write a short story(good or a bad one doesn`t matter so long as you give it a go) you just need to be logical about the way you approach it.

I am an Engineer not a writer if I can do it so can you...........

I start by reading or listening to one of Terry's books and picking a character that appeals to me.

I then think about how they live or what situations would be funny to place them in, or maybe a topical thing for example the experiment at CERN.

I then open a text document on desk top and jot down for example Ten chapter headings.

In the DEATH story I wanted to cover the life of both the Universe and DEATH so first Chapter was BIG BANG

I went on Google and looked up the history of the universe and it evolution.

So chapter Two was Evolution....... and so on.

When I had all the chapter heading I went back to the first and started to write just that small part of the tale. Read on line about The early universe and the put it down in poetic form.

And so on..........

When I got to the end I ran the Text document through my AOL spell checker (I also have a small program running in the back ground called tinySpell that help a lot).

Cut and past and then post. Re-Read post and try to proof read and correct post.


Easy...............

If I can write a short story, fitting it in between redecorating my Home, fixing the Missfire on my Impreza, sorting out the clutch on my Son's Corsa, getting a Halloween (Vimes) costume together and Working Nights
then any one can!

And I failed my English Exams at School.

Go on give it a go, you know you want to! 8)
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Postby Dotsie » Sat Oct 11, 2008 12:18 pm

mspanners wrote:And I failed my English Exams at School.


Imagination is frowned upon by exam boards you know. I hope you didn't try to come up with any original ideas?
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Postby mspanners » Sat Oct 11, 2008 2:16 pm

No just did not put enough term time work in, at the time the pass was awarded on term work and a final exam............... lazy old me! :lol:
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Postby Ponder Stibbons » Wed Jul 01, 2009 4:27 am

I would like to protest at the assumption that we practice elitism. We think we allot modest sums to individual services. Some peoples seem to find glee in putting out the rumors that we overprice our services. In fact, certain individuals have hired our services to take them out of their not inconsiderable misery and to the good of society, or at least the parts of it that have wealth, which, unlike beauty, charm and other personalities, are available to all. Except of course the poor, but that's is not relevant. Surely, this fact demonstrates that our prices are low enough that clients may choose us instead of spending more on funerals, as we supply them free of charge to our clients.*

*No Cockbill Street inhabitants.

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Postby Tonyblack » Wed Jul 01, 2009 5:57 am

Ponder Stibbons wrote:I would like to protest at the assumption that we practice elitism. We think we allot modest sums to individual services. Some peoples seem to find glee in putting out the rumors that we overprice our services. In fact, certain individuals have hired our services to take them out of their not inconsiderable misery and to the good of society, or at least the parts of it that have wealth, which, unlike beauty, charm and other personalities, are available to all. Except of course the poor, but that's is not relevant. Surely, this fact demonstrates that our prices are low enough that clients may choose us instead of spending more on funerals, as we supply them free of charge to our clients.*

*No Cockbill Street inhabitants.

Lord Downey
The Guild of Assassins
Filigree Street
Ankh-Morpork

:lol: Damned snooty assassins! :lol:
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Postby Jan Van Quirm » Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:31 am

If you can't afford them you're nobody and nowhere :P
"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.” George Bernard Shaw
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