a thread where we write one after another? here goes!

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a thread where we write one after another? here goes!

Postby NightOwl » Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:33 am

Vetinari looked out of his window. Down below, the scaffolders were erecting a wooden structure.
"Come!" intoned Vetinari as Vimes reached for the door handle.
"how does the bugger do that?" thought Vimes as the door swang inward without any apparent contact from the esteemed ruler of Ankh-Morpork.

"Look at that Vimes!" exclaimed Vetinari, as he gestured towards the scaffolders' work. "Don't you just love it?" he added, with a tone that made even Vimes' hairs stand on end.

Vimes glanced out of the window to the sight below...
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Postby mspanners » Wed Feb 25, 2009 7:55 am

On the planking were hundreds of little blue Men,scurrying around and all at work on restoring the facade of the Palace under the watch of the Artificers....

"Ach cribins tis nay as easy Money as I were told" Came a voice from below.

The soot burns were being washed with White Paint and the Gargoyles were returning to their normal places around the outer edges of the roof.

"Looks like they have a lot of work ahead of them Sir." Said Vimes.

"Yes Sir Samuel, just wait until I find out Whom had thought it funny to celebrate Hogwatch by having a BBQ and letting it get out of hand...."

Vimes Coughed on His Cigar.
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Postby Jan Van Quirm » Wed Feb 25, 2009 12:32 pm

He knew it had been a mistake to let Nobby loose on cooking duties but then he had brought along some 'proper' sausages - as in not the sort 'Throat would have on his tray. And some lovely Brass Bridge rolls. And a marvellous new sauce from Bhang Bhang Duc called Cat's-Up. How were they to know that one of the main active ingredients in the delicacy was the black powder known as Agatean Fire...

Nobby had been singing the praises of the sauce.
Harga's bin sellin' it as a main course wiv chips - the dwarves is wild for it! They've even bin puttin' it in their beer. Goes wit' anythink it does!"
Well it had certainly tasted wonderful spread on the rolls and for once Nobby was King of the Grill, producing gleaming tobacco gold sausages that nestled decorously on the soft white bread. A hefty dash of Cat's-Up was the pure genious ingredient inna flavour sensation.
So all the Watch were munching away quite happily over the merry Hogswatch brazier in Pseudopolis Yard when disaster had struck as Cheery had taken a huge chomp on her sausage roll, squirting a little glob of Cat's-up towards the brazier just as Nobby was giving the coals a good prod...

The following sequence of disasters meant that nobody was quite sure how a fiery arc of flame and thick black smoke had risen majestically over the Yard and leapt like a nebulous salmon towards the Patrician's Palace. They'd been too busy trying to douse Cheery's beard which had caught a side blast of exploding Cat's-Up as Nobby knocked the half-full bottle into the brazier. By the time they'd found Nobby's eyebrows little wildfires were sprouting all along the trajectory path of the Cat's-Up fireball...
"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.” George Bernard Shaw
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Postby mspanners » Fri Feb 27, 2009 8:03 am

"I may have to rethink the suggestion of yours about a full time Fire Brigade, Sir Samuel" Said Vetinari.

"Would be an advance on the ad-hoc system we rely on at the moment Sir." Responded Vimes.

"And do you know anyone whom can be trusted to oversee such a Department... Someone that will not be currupted and demand payments not to set Fire as happened last time a Fire Department was formed?"

Vimes thought, He puffed on His Smelly Cigar and His forehead wrinkled with the effort.....
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Postby mspanners » Sun Mar 01, 2009 7:12 am

As He leaned out of the window Vimes flicked His cigar to get rid of the Ash that had built up on its end.............. as He did this the Ash and a Tiny patch of glowing Embers spiraled down into a pot of Paint Thinners parked on a wooden plank platform that one of the Feegles had been using to clean some Paint Brushes, Foul Old Ron had not got His hands on it yet so it was full .......
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Postby Jan Van Quirm » Sun Mar 01, 2009 2:20 pm

Whoompff :!:

Warghhhhh :!:

The hapless shrieking Feegle who had been about to take his clean(ish) brush out of the pot of thinner shot into the air followed by quite a respectable little dark plume of incendiary turps smoke, over Vime's and Vetinari's head and then on his downward tumble grabbed the Commander's cigar-bearing wrist which had frozen halfway to his mouth. Rather inelegantly, but swiftly, the Feegle swung himself onto the copper's arm and bounced furiously up onto Vimes collar and shook the lapels fairly impressively.

"Ya gurt fat-nazed BIGGER!" as usual the wee folk's famed chippiness rose to the occasion and Vimes involuntarily flinched away from the spitting ball of blue fury "look wheeee-er ye're fleckin' year smellay fag ash will yea!
"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.” George Bernard Shaw
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Postby Lady Vetinari » Sun Mar 01, 2009 9:11 pm

Vimes blinked. This strange being was too much even for Ankh Morpork. At least Dwarves, Vampires and Werewolves ( the latter most of the time) were a normal colour, this weird ... imp, for want of a better word, was blue! No sane hu ... being was blue! He thought he had seen everything up until now.

"Excuse me, what are you?"

"Och, yer wee biggie! Ha' ye never heeard of the Nac Mac Feegles?"

Vimes stored this in the filing cabinet of his mind: What the hells?

"A what?" he asked.

"A Nac Mac Feegle!"

Vimes clutched hold of his head, this was a prolonged drunken hallucination, wasn't it? Or maybe it was that salad he had the night before; he'd tell Sybil about this.

"No, I can't say that I have," he answered gruffly but politely.

He was about to leave when Carrot ran up to him. Carrot peered down at the blue Feegle and smiled at him. The Feegle peered down at the floor... something not too hard for it to do, if he had stared down any further his face would be on the floor.

"Hello, Sir, I see you met Rob Anybody?" Carrot said.

Vimes groaned, that's all Ankh Morpork needed; a small, tiny, blue theif with a bad temper. Vimes wished he had not got out of bed this morning, it was so tempting to stay at home with Sybil and young Sam.

"So, Captain, anything to report?"

Carrot frowned. He appeared to be looking into the middle distance.
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Postby WannabeAngua » Sun Mar 01, 2009 10:32 pm

"The thieves guild's been having a bit of a bother, sir," Carrot said.
"Apparently this morning the boy who cleans their common rooms found the library in disarray, but....I'm sorry sir, do you need an ashtray?"

Vimes looked at his sigar and hurridly, with his free hand, caught the ash falling off the tip before it his the carpet in Vetinaris study.
"Oh Gods," he thought, "I would never have heard the end of it had I burnt a hole in his precious Djelibeybi imported rug."

"Carry on Captain," Vimes said while he wiped his hand on his trousers. "You were about to say something more about what's been happening over at the thieves guild."

"Ah, yes." Carrot looked at his meticulously written notes. "This boy, sir, the one who first entered the room, he swears he had to use his key to unlock the door. There are no windows in this room, and the only one who has a key besides the cleaner is the head of the thieves guild sir."

Vimes looked puzzeled. "So," he said, "was anything stolen?"

"Hard to say," Carrot aswered. "The person to ask that must be the head of thieves guild. But you see sir, he was found on the floor...passed out, and his keys were still in his pocket."
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Postby mspanners » Mon Mar 02, 2009 7:45 am

Vimes smiled at the thought of Boggis crashed out on the floor and the library turned over, all the books in that place must have been stolen anyway.............

"So Boggis had a funny turn, wrecked the Guild library and collapsed due to fatigue....... or maybe the lad is telling us a fib?"

"Could be Sir, could be......we only have His word that He found Mr. Boggis there in a locked room, Mr. Boggis may have disturbed the lad going through the Books and the lad poleaxed Him......" Said Carrot.

"This shady tale gets deeper and deeper Carrot. If the lad was turning the library over I would like to know what book He could have been searching for..."

Carrot looked perplexed...... what book was worth the risk of running the up against The Thieves Guild.

"HO NO....... The Summoning of Dragons went missing from the Unseen University again!" Shouted Carrot an a excited voice.

"Gods NO. And Errol never came back after running off with the first Dragon......... if that boy has summoned a Dragon..........." Said Vimes.
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Postby Lady Vetinari » Mon Mar 02, 2009 2:10 pm

Carrot frowned going through the story in his head before he spoke aloud his theory.

"I doubt Noggs knows how to read, Sir, so it could have just been a smash and grab. In the surprise he took what was to hand."

"Noggs may not know how to read but he probably knows a hundred people who can. It could be that the Theives and Assassins are in it together. Good gods! The whole damn city could be in on it, you know the upper crust want Vetinari removed. They've tried everything, they are bound to have a go with a dragon."

Carrot sighed. He hoped not, that was his first case in Ankh Morpork. He remembered it like it was yesterday.

Vimes went in for a distraction: "How are you and Angua?"

"We're fine, sir, why?"

"Lad. You and I really need to talk sometime."

Carrot peered at his boss, and sighed. "Angua just had a very bad transformation that's all."

Vimes tipped his head to one side and shook his head. That was not the problem. Angua was getting tired of waiting he knew that.

"Whatever you say, Captain, whatever you say!"
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Postby Jan Van Quirm » Tue Mar 03, 2009 3:36 pm

In a Place that is no Place and swathed in Time that is never relative, for it cannot move in any direction, nor indeed travel through any dimension you'd care to name, all was as it should be. Or was it...

They were not free, though neither were they imprisoned here. They only slept, though there was a certain awareness still, waiting patiently for a sign or a call to awaken. This was their natural state in this existence and so they were neither happy nor sad.

They simply waited and slept, dreaming reptilian dreams...
"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.” George Bernard Shaw
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Postby mspanners » Tue Mar 03, 2009 7:52 pm

Carrot and Vimes made their way to the Yard, Vetinari had instructed them to dig deep and find out if the fire that had scorched the outside of the Palace was indeed caused by the BBQ accident or ......... A Dragon.

"Carrot we need to interview the lad Who said He had found Boggis in the Thieves Library......... if He has used the Book to Summon A Dragon then Gods Help him. Vetinari will go spare on Him!"

Carrot Nodded in agreement.

In the cells the Young Boy was manacled to the Wall, He looked as frightened as could be.

"Un-Manacle Him Fred and bring Him up to Carrots Office will you, and a Nice Pot of Tea and a few Figgins please." Said Vimes to Fred Colon.

"Ho..and send Nobby up to Carrots office too."

"Right you are Sir." Said Fred....

The Boy and the Tea arrived in Carrots office in due coarse........ Nobby stood in one dark corner and puffed on one of His Dog Ends.

"Sit down lad, cup of Tea and a Figgin?" Offered Vimes to the Boy.

The lad took the indicated seat.

Vimes poured the Tea, and put a Figgin on A Cake plate.....

"Here you are.... now Son I want, in your own words, to know exactly what happened............" Said Vimes the the Good Policeman.
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Postby Tina a.k.a.SusanSto.Helit » Wed May 06, 2009 7:39 pm

The aforementioned Boy, looked askance at the cuppa and figgin on the table next to him. Brother Fingers had spoken of Figgins being placed upon a spike in hushed tones. It came as a suprise to see one, a small cake with raisins, lying on the small plate.

He was thinking very rapid and confused thoughts. This was not a normal occurence in his short life. Thinking was not part of his job. Normally, he was mostly being ignored or beaten on a regular basis. Now, these people were talking to him in nice tones. He was used to being bellowed at and the nice tones were confusing along with the offer of real food, not rat based at all, was frightening to say the least.

"Noggs," said Captain Carrot. " 's " replied Noggs in a very small voice. "Do you know why you are here?" Noggs shook his little head. The Ever Patient Captain Carrot prodded the lad gently. " Have a sip of your tea before it gets cold. The boy shrank back, shaking his head violently. " Here now there's naught to fear from a little cup of tea" Captain Carrot picked up the cup and took a sip to dispel the lad's fear of poisoning, or worse.

" See, it is very safe " said Captain Carrot gently. At this proof, the boy grabbed the cup and gulped it in one swallow. He looked longingly at the Figgin. " Go ahead. " urged the very tall dwarf, " I find them very delicious. " Though not as good as Rat on a Stick with Ketchup, he thought privately.

The lad poked the Figgin to see if it poked back, when satisfied with its' lack of concern, he picked it up and took a small bite. A wondrous smile spread over the grimy little face, as he began to set to with a vengeance.

" You see Nobby, it only takes a little kindness." said Captain Carrot nudging the Corporal, who began to choke and blow smoke out of his ears at the same time.

After much ado, and pounding on Nobby's back to release the aforementioned Dogs' End from his throat which he promptly returned to the legendary spot behind his ear.
Aha! So, Bob's yer uncle... very clever.
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Postby Cheery » Wed Jun 24, 2009 1:32 pm

Carrot already turned around to face Noggs and continued to speak, as if nothing had happened: "Now Mr. Noggs, It would be very important for us if you would answer a few questions about the... events in the library."

Noggs dropped his figgin and suddenly went pale. His gaze jumped from Carrot to Vimes and back again, wishing he could disappear in a cloud of smoke. He gripped the edge of the table with trembling fingers and tried to think. He certainly couldn't tell the truth. No, if he did, brother Fingers would go totally spare. If he didn't tell the truth though, he would have to lie. And Noggs wasn't good at lying.

But he had to say something. Finally Noggs looked up, opened his mouth...
and got inerrupted by a loud knock. Well, not really a knock, rather a loud thump, that bent the door hinges.

Vimes vimes leaned himself back in his corner and sighed. "Come in, Detritus."
Sergeant Detritus opened the door and stepped into the room. He glanced at the nervous boy in front of carrot and watched him uncertainly.

"What is it, Sergeant?", Vimes said, trying not to sound too annoyed.
The troll saluted, his hand bouncing off his helmet with a loud 'clang' "Strange happ'nin's in der shades, sir. Thougt you should know dat."
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Postby mspanners » Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:46 pm

"This something wouldn't involve flashing lights, bouts of flames and mysterious spontaneous fires would it Sergeant ?" inquired Vimes, with a touch of sarcasm in His voice.

"Now dats amazin Sir, how did you know dat?" said Detritus....

"Just a lucky guess."

Both Carrot and Vimes turned back to the trembling Boy, waiting for a response.

"I am sorry sir but I was ordered to obtain The Summoning of Dragons by Head of Guild Mr Boggis, but I could not find the book." volunteered the Boy in a weak and reedy voice.

The two watchmen looked at each other and back to the lad.

"So please explain why we are suffering the effects of a Dragon attack if you could not find the book.....?" Vimes asked.

"Well Sir I thought as the shelves extend into L space I could nip into an alternate Universe where the Book still existed on the shelves.... I have no idea where the original book is kept... so I went in and brought one back here..."

"And Boggis tried to summon a Dragon from an alternate Universe for gods know what reason....." said Vimes as he slumped in His seat, head in hands.

"There is something that I have to mention seeing as I have already confessed to involvement in this, when I opened the door to find Mr Boggis on the floor I felt something brush me aside......... I think the Dragon although small enough to pass through the door is.... in fact.............. invisible !"

"Ho dear." exclaimed Carrot.
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