Being a witch is about much more than just wearing a black pointy hat and turning people into green slimy things. In Discworld they deliver babies, treat warts and keep an eye on troublesome kings, vampires or incursions from other worlds, which they do not hold with.
There are more witches on the Disc than you could imagine – and dealing with them all is like carrying a tray full of marbles.
But which witch do you most closely resemble? Find out by taking this quiz . . .
Of course! A witch needs to notice everything.
Well then, you can stop right here - life as a witch is not for you!
All witches are nosy - it's part of what being a witch is.
You love to feel the buzz of a city around you. Vibrant, full of life and people, throbbing with energy, you can’t imagine being anywhere else and would hate to live in the country surrounded by nothing but animals and mud. You know where you fit in the city, have all the right connections and have gained everyone’s respect by standing out as only you can.
You are most like . . .
MRS EUNICE PROUST.
‘When Mrs Proust gave orders they tended to be obeyed.’
I Shall Wear Midnight
A city witch in the mean streets of Ankh-Morpork, Mrs Proust enjoys the respect she can command by looking exactly like a storybook evil witch. Her shop, indeed, is stuffed with the very accessories that can help a witch look exactly the way people expect them to look: fearsome and grotesque! But Mrs Proust herself needs no accessories and her powers are strong helping her navigate the choppy waters of a city teeming with superstition and troublemakers.
Likely to say:‘Imagine how it feels to lie down on an ancient flagstone and feel the power of the rock buoying you up against the tug of the world? And it’s mine to use, all of it, every stone of it . . . I’m part of it.’
I Shall Wear Midnight
You simply love paraphernalia – books, trinkets, jewellery, accessories and anything you can find to show the world exactly who you are.You love to see things done properly, with suitable ceremony and will ensure that everyone else knows how things should be done, even if you have tell them a thousand times where they’re going wrong. Deep down, sometimes, you aren’t quite so sure you are doing things right ...but you’re certainly not going to let anyone else see that!
You are most like . . .
ANAGRAMMA HAWKIN.
‘Annagramma could tell herself stories that she literally believed. And she could bounce back like a ball . . .’
Wintersmith
With the aid of a bit of Boffo, Annagramma Hawkin is a young witch with her own steading. And that suits her fine, for Annagrama knows she is destined for Great Things, especially where the Higher MagiK is concerned (she’d rather leave the messy bits of birthing to a village midwife for instance, whilst she sets the calming runes and does the special chants).
Likely to say:‘We must distinguish the higher MagiK from the everyday sort . . . none of that mumbling in hedgerows for us.’
A Hat Full Of Sky
You know how amazing you are... talented, stylish, classy and clever. But it never hurts to make it clear with just the right outfit to let everyone know who they’re dealing with. Others may think they’re the natural leader, but anyone would be hard put to question your authority!
You are most like . . .
LETICE EARWIG.
‘She didn’t just have rings on her fingers. Some fingers had sort of silver finger gloves, designed to look like claws. She gleamed like the night sky . . .’
A Hat Full Of Sky
Letice Earwig – a force of nature – is a witch who believes in advertising her trade – occult jewellery, curse-nets, crystals, silver stars, black plumes, a hat so tall doorways have to be adapted and all the other trappings.Arrogant, bossy, hating to back down on anything, Mrs Earwig nevertheless has a core of steel and is highly resistant to any attempt to influence or manipulate her.
Likely to say:‘It’s pronounced Ah-wij!’
A Hat Full Of Sky
You have itchy feet and
like nothing more than heading out into the wide world, travelling and . . . noticing. People fascinate you and, while you may also have a tendency to lecture at times, you have a definite interest in helping to nurture talent others where you can see their untapped potential.
You are most like . . .
MISS TICK.
‘Oh, I wish I had a blackboard . . .’
Wintersmith
A peripatetic witch who travels the country looking for girls with talent who might be trained in the craft, Miss Tick is a firm believer in Education as a Good Thing. She’s also highly skilled in the useful arts of untying knots and swimming underwater, since her work often brings her into contact with the superstitious. She also always has useful things in her pockets – often something like a small cheese, since you can’t do good magic without a decent snack.
Likely to say:‘If you trust in yourself and believe in your dreams and follow your star... you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.’
The Wee Free Men
You don’t want the world, just a small part of it, which you can keep safe, and you feel a fierce responsibility towards those who ask you for help. Not one to push yourself forward or stand in the spotlight, you nevertheless command respect simply by being very good at what you do.
You are most like . . .
GRANNY WEATHERWAX.
Everyone in the mountains had heard of Granny Weatherwax. If you didn’t have respect, she said, you didn’t have anything . . .’
A Hat Full Of Sky
Everyone knows that witches don’t have leaders, but Granny Weatherwax is the best leader they don’t have, generally considered (including by herself) as the best witch on the Discworld. A witch through and through, stern and sharp-tongued, Granny doesn’t do nice – she does what is needed. And she believes in using hard work rather than magic wherever possible – though she isn’t averse to moving herself into the body of a bird or animal when she wants a different view of what is going on.
Likely to say: ‘Do you know what a part of being a witch is? It’s making the choices that have to be made. The hard choices...’
A Hat Full Of Sky
You like to be rooted firmly in everyday life – a big family, a man [or two], a good party now and then. But although people might think of you as a jolly soul with a big warm hug, there is a lot more to you than that, and woe betide anyone who underestimates you.
You are most like . . .
NANNY OGG.
‘She was generally thought of as a jolly old soul, but there was a lot more to the old woman. Nanny knew all the old dark, stuff – old magic, magic that didn’t need witches, magic that was built into people and the landscape.’
The matriarch of a huge family, fond of a drop or two of scumble, a bawdy joke and a good singsong, yet beneath the warm, comforting appearance, Nanny is a witch with huge natural ability and the willingness to stand strong and kick into touch any threats or enemies. If you need help with an affair of the heart, Nanny is your witch – she has been there, done it (worn out several husbands, some of which were even her own), and got the . . . commemorative cushion stitched by a doting daughter-in-law.
Likely to say: ‘Human being first, witch second; hard to remember, easy to do.’
I Shall Wear Midnight
You sometimes feel inexperienced, not quite sure what to do . . . but deep down you know who you are and where you come from and that gives you strength to trust in yourself and your talent.
You are most like . . .
TIFFANY ACHING.
‘This land is in my bones . . .’
The Wee Free Men
Born on the Chalk, a witch who gets her strength from her home turf, Tiffany is a hard worker who fears letting other people down. Proud of her skills, glad of the help she gets from the Nac Mac Feegle,Tiffany is a witch with immense natural power who can draw on the very elements to help her do what is needed. For if there is a problem to face,Tiffany will always walk towards the problem, accept the duty that comes with being the witch of the Chalk.
Likely to say: ‘This is my problem. I will sort it out.’
I Shall Wear Midnight
Happiest with your wellies on, up to your knees in muck, you have a real affinity for animals – well, they’re much nicer than people most of the time! You’re kind and generous, trying to see the best in people even if they are bossing you about, and though you may hesitate to speak up and show off, once you’ve found your talent there’s no stopping you.
You are most like . . .
PETULIA GRISTLE.
‘Petulia had got it all worked out . . . she had rolled up her sleeves and made it happen, up to her knees in ‘oink’ if necessary’
I Shall Wear Midnight
A good friend to Tiffany Aching, Petulia combines being a witch with marriage to a pig farmer – and, in fact, specializes in treating pigs, with a particular talent for pig- boring. She always like to think the best of everybody (which is worrying if the person she is trying to think nice thoughts about is you), and hates disagreements between witches.
Likely to say: ‘Um . . .’ [unless talking to a pig]
A Hat Full Of Sky
You are caring and thoughtful, preferring
to stay in the shadow
of others than stand out as a leader.You love the outdoors and have an affinity with nature and healing... But don’t be deceived – you may seem gentle but if anyone should threaten you or your loved ones they’d better watch out for you have an inner strength that can surprise!
You are most like . . .
MAGRAT GARLICK.
‘She travels with a vague air of good-natured hopefulness.There are flowers in her hair, but they’re wilting slightly, just like her . . .’
With years of experience of making the tea for Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax, Magrat is now semi-retired from witchery after marrying King Verence of Lancre and becoming a Queen. Yet when called upon, Magrat is ready to bestride the broomstick once again and gird up her loins (literally, in the armour of Queen Ynci) to defend her land. She’s a strong believer in the goodness of Nature, especially the value of herbs and is keen to be a good role model to her young daughter who should see her mother as a working woman in her own right.
Likely to say: ‘That arm looks bad. Let’s get down to the kitchen and I’ll splint it . . .’
Carpe Jugulum
You don't really believe you are anything special. You’ve been bossed around your whole life and know that girls like you have to follow the path they’re given. But you have a natural talent which is hard to hide and could be more useful than you think, and if you just give it a little encouragement, who knows what you could achieve.
You are most like . . .
LETITIA KEEPSAKE.
‘Girls of the princess persuasion don’t normally help out distressed headless ghosts by giving them
a pumpkin to carry...’ – Tiffany Aching.
I Shall Wear Midnight
Letitia doesn’t really believe she is a witch. After all, surely everyone can wave a stick about and create a little magic, or would give a teddy bear to a sad phantom? Married to the Baron of the Chalk, Letitia is anxious to do a good job as a Baroness, visiting new babies and tenant farmers, painting watercolours, supporting her husband... but the witchy talent is within her, and with training Letitia could be formidable.
Likely to say: ‘This is where I do my little bits of magic.’
I Shall Wear Midnight
