The discworld Patent office

[poohcarrot]

Still haven't thought of one.

[deldaisy]

These are brilliant unseenu

[meerkat]

I need some time to think and haven't got five minutes today. Will have a think tomorrow! There MUST be something out there!

[unseenu]

Maybe I should organise some sort of roleplay thread where people can use the technologies posted here

[Tonyblack]

I don't do roleplay. It's hard enough trying to be me.

[deldaisy]

Oi! Tony! Change your sig!

[Tonyblack]

Oi! Tony! Change your sig!

Not yet!

[unseenu]

Invention name:Walky Clacky™ Mark II

Invention description:An improvement over the original Walky Clacky™ design.Because of these modifications the device is now slightly larger,about the size of a large shoebox with the clacks panel on top.Range has been improved with the addition of a very powerful internal telescope visible only as a glass disc on the outside allowing the imp to observe transmissions much further away.

The quality of sound has been improved by giving the imps simple instructions,all transmissions now start with a coded letter that tells the receiving imp what accent the speaker is speaking in.They can then do an impression of this accent as they read which achieves a closer match to the speaker's voice.

In addition to this the lamp has been surrounded by glass painted octarine meaning that only imps,wizards and possibly cats may listen in on your transmissions.If you have no magical skill it is like your voice is being transmitted invisibly through the air.
(got to go but will post noteslater)

[unseenu]

Notes:The device is now of more use as a serious means of communication,one use suggested by our research team is to allow ships to talk to ports even when they are miles out at sea.

Apologies that the imp has an annoying tendency to go "KshhhhhhhhhhKshhhhhhhhwhirhshhhhhhh" to itself when not reading transmissions

[meerkat]

APPROVED!!

[archerinwood]

seconded!

[unseenu]

Invention Name:BARDIS (Books And Relevant Dimensional Insertion Spell)

Invention description:

The crowning achievement of high energy magic,a craft which allows travel in almost any dimension including time.Its mechanisms are complex so will be examined one at a time.

Firstly its exterior,as will become apparent,is very a different thing from its interior.Outside it is a small wooden booth which has several spell books built into its walls,one of them contains a semi sentient spell which senses the craft's surroundings and uses shape changing magic to turn the booth into an inconspicuous object.Please note that this chameleon spell as it is known is prone to error and will often break down entirely,during tests for some bizarre reason the craft ended up stuck looking like an Ankh Morpork city watch box.

The second exterior spell warps the very warpable fabric of space to ensure that inside the booth is as big as a large room,it is of course much much larger than this one room but we can't talk about that because of budget cuts.From here the craft can be controlled using the circular control panel in the centre.

What follows is an explanation of how the craft flies,the controls on the panel are used to signal the small stack of sentient spells in its core.A very powerful teleport spell is used to transport the craft and its pilots into the winding infinite library that is L-Space,from here lesser levitation spells can be used to pilot it through the corridors and bookworm holes to any location in the multiverse and at any time.Throughout this process the spells indicate their understanding of what you want them to do by spasmodically levitating a crystal column in the centre of the control panel.

Notes:Because of the risk of materialising in a universe which lacks sufficient magic(it sounds crazy but believe me they do exist),several gigantic Thaumus® flasks are built into the ship which act like fuel tanks.Simply materialise momentarily in an area with a high magic concentration such as gnarly ground,open the tanks and let them fill with thaums.Close them up and you can carry a magic supply with you.

Also do not attempt to open the control panel to read the spells for yourself,doing so will result in an unpleasant death after several moments as an all powerful demigod.Alternatively you may turn into an egg

[meerkat]

APPROVED! APPROVED!

[unseenu]

Invention name:Walky clacky ™ mark III

Invention description:The third generation of these portable communication devices.The main improvements include a small keyboard which allows the user to send clacks messages without the assistance of the imp.The receiving imp can then type up the transmission using a miniature typewriter that has been added to the hardware,alternatively you can send one of these 'Text' messages directly into the clacks system by lowering the octarine filter and pointing it at a clacks tower(note you must have a Cmail account or your transmission will be ignored).We are in talks to get clacks staff to carry the devices so they can relay you a reply to right where you are standing.

The other major improvement is the inbuilt iconography system,by simply giving our new generation of imps some art lessons they can now be instructed to draw a picture in coloured chalk on a board divided into little squares that can be transmitted to another walky clacky™ using the clacks's existing paint by numbers notation.Why not send your friends a picture of yourself holding the device backwards with a stupid look on your face?

notes:a slot can be opened for an extortionate price on the side of the box to insert your gooseberry or other disorganiser which will add all its functionality to the Walky Clacky™ system.There is a possibility that the two imps will argue instead of working together,in this case the two devices are known as 'incompatible'.If this happens we will be glad to perform brain surgery to make the imps compatible(for an extortionate price)

[unseenu]

Invention name:Sonic tool

Invention description:A chunky metal tube which is a compressed version of the BS johnson organ,the device is fed by a miniature tank of compressed air which can be refilled simply by pulling a plunger.Simply adjust the pitch,volume and shape of the soundwaves using the various dials and then point it at whatever you are working on.Can be used to open doors,unscrew screws,change molecular structures and many other things besides.

Notes:For an additional fee the core of the device can be fitted with a magic wand allowing you to solve any problem,no matter how hopeless or nonsensical,simply by waving it about and pointing it at things.