The discworld Patent office

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The discworld Patent office

Postby unseenu » Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:12 pm

If you lived on the discworld what would you invent given the technology available? Please use this format :

Invention Name:

Invention description:

Notes:(optional)

Also if someone posts something which you recognise as already existing in a discworld novel please point it out by saying "Patent Rejected!" to them
Proof that L-Space exists in this universe

Fact 1:Heavier things distort time and space more
Fact 2:A page with ink on it is heavier than an unprinted page
Conclusion:A book distorts time and space more than blank papers
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Postby unseenu » Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:16 pm

Invention Name:DPS(Discal positioning system)

Invention description:An imp in a box equipped with various atlases,sextants and compasses which continually updates a crude chalk map,showing you exactly where you are on the disc.Several towers with known coordinates and unique serial numbers on them will be placed around the disc so the imp can use them to get a bearing

Notes:The device works best when in line of site of one of these bearing towers,when there isn't one around it may write on the board "Please wait No Signal"
Proof that L-Space exists in this universe

Fact 1:Heavier things distort time and space more
Fact 2:A page with ink on it is heavier than an unprinted page
Conclusion:A book distorts time and space more than blank papers
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Postby deldaisy » Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:51 pm

:D :D
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Postby Tonyblack » Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:02 pm

Nice idea for a thread! :D I'll have to give it some thought.
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Postby Tonyblack » Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:41 pm

Invention Name: The Frake™

Invention description: A long-handled, fire-proof muck rake designed for ease in cleaning out swamp dragon pens with minimal risk to the rakee.

Notes:(optional) "Frake™" is a combination of the words 'fire' and 'rake'. What makes the Frake™ different from ordinary rakes is the use of hardened, tubular steel for the construction, making it virtually fireproof. Scientific research had determined that by painting the Frake™ with cornflower blue* paint makes the Frake™ less threatening to the dragons, which in turn causes less stress to the dragon and therefore less chance of ignition.

*The use of cornflower blue was discovered after considerable research using a wide variety of colours and numerous testers and dragons.
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Postby unseenu » Sun Mar 20, 2011 2:26 pm

Approved :D

Lady Sybil would probably buy one
Proof that L-Space exists in this universe

Fact 1:Heavier things distort time and space more
Fact 2:A page with ink on it is heavier than an unprinted page
Conclusion:A book distorts time and space more than blank papers
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Postby unseenu » Sun Mar 20, 2011 2:52 pm

Invention Name:The Literary Perpetual Energy Mabob

Invention description:A stack of books arranged in such a way that the dimensional energy they generate continually turns a wheel,thus producing infinite motion.

Notes:This engine works on the L-space principle which proves that books generate physical forces.The L-space equation is included below.Please note that there is a considerable risk of the engine opening a portal which will allow things to enter our world from dimensions men were not meant to wot of.Wotting of such dimensions will void warranty.

Image
Proof that L-Space exists in this universe

Fact 1:Heavier things distort time and space more
Fact 2:A page with ink on it is heavier than an unprinted page
Conclusion:A book distorts time and space more than blank papers
unseenu
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Location: Hull,uk

Postby poohcarrot » Sun Mar 20, 2011 3:18 pm

:lol:
You're very good at this unseenu. Both have been excellent. I had a think and couldn't come up with anything, but I'll have another think shortly. :P
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Postby Tonyblack » Sun Mar 20, 2011 3:25 pm

Very good! :D
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Postby poohcarrot » Sun Mar 20, 2011 3:30 pm

PS Tony's was good too! :lol:
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.
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Postby unseenu » Sun Mar 20, 2011 6:44 pm

poohcarrot wrote:Laughing
You're very good at this unseenu. Both have been excellent. I had a think and couldn't come up with anything, but I'll have another think shortly. Razz


Thanks very much,maybe i'm in the line of fire of inspiration particles coming from the discworld. :lol:.Heres another Idea I just had.Hopefully the last for today:

Invention Name:Walky Clacky™

Invention description:A small handheld clacks system operated by an imp.Simply speak and the imp converts your words to clacks signals which can be observed by an imp in a nearby Walky Clacky™.This imp will then speak the words as they are typed,thus sending your voice over distance.If several Walky Clackies™ are in the area multiway conversations can be held.

Notes:Limited range,may be marketable as toys
Proof that L-Space exists in this universe

Fact 1:Heavier things distort time and space more
Fact 2:A page with ink on it is heavier than an unprinted page
Conclusion:A book distorts time and space more than blank papers
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Location: Hull,uk

Postby unseenu » Fri Mar 25, 2011 5:16 pm

still no other contributors :( In the meantime here is the the latest product from the disturbed mind UU inc

Invention Name:Port O privy ™

Invention description:A small wooden booth containing a seat with a hole in,this unit rests on a sapient pearwood platform creating a privy on legs.These constructs can then be herded to wherever portable toiletry solutions are needed,for example music with rocks in concerts or other outdoor events.With proper training these privys will know to run off and empty themselves when they are full.A dirty job but someone has to do it.

Notes:Do not annoy the Port O privy ™ during use,you may find it locks the door on you and runs away with you inside.Always wash your hands using the small basin and pump provided,they don't work but you can have fun trying.Use of the Port O privy ™ is free for event guests as the cost of sapient pearwood is covered by the Port O privy ™'s ruinous rental price.

Please note that during the first roll out of this product a small group of them broke away and are now renting themselves out with no human input whatsover,if you see one of these rogue privy tribes please return them to Port O privy ™ HQ
Proof that L-Space exists in this universe

Fact 1:Heavier things distort time and space more
Fact 2:A page with ink on it is heavier than an unprinted page
Conclusion:A book distorts time and space more than blank papers
unseenu
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Posts: 414
Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2010 10:51 am
Location: Hull,uk

Postby Tonyblack » Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:32 pm

:lol: This last one has really got my inventive juices flowing. :lol:

Up in the Ramtops, people there have privvies
where a hole has to be dug and the privvy placed over it. After some time a new hole is dug and the privvy is moved. My first thought was: the privvy could move itself. But then I thought, if the privvy had similar properties to the Luggage, it could dispose of its contents straight into the Dungeon Dimension (or where ever else it disposes things to).

Not only would it be hygienic, it would also be extremely environmental. Unless the environ you lived in was the Dungeon Dimension of course. :lol:
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Postby unseenu » Sat Mar 26, 2011 2:20 pm

After finishing Light Fantastic today another inspiration particle has hit me

Invention name:Thaumus® Flask

Invention description:A sealed metal tube covered in runes and protective octagrams, similar to the room in which the octavo was kept.Because the interior of the flask is magically isolated from the world around it it is guaranteed to keep magic objects magical and ordinary objects mundane.

Notes:We are aware that the prestigious crackpot inventor Leonard of Quirm invented something very similar which merely kept the temperature the same,if you own one of these do not confuse it with your Thaumus® Flask or you may find yourself drinking ancient magical energy instead of your morning coffee
Proof that L-Space exists in this universe

Fact 1:Heavier things distort time and space more
Fact 2:A page with ink on it is heavier than an unprinted page
Conclusion:A book distorts time and space more than blank papers
unseenu
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Location: Hull,uk

Postby Tonyblack » Sat Mar 26, 2011 2:26 pm

I like it! :lol:
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