TWONKEY! A dramatic whodunnit in up to 3 acts

[Morty]

I am still a virgo intacto

So how come you have a love child?

Methinks you be telling porkies.

A fine upstanding erect Morty tells the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth and he gets accused of talking Toot.

Ahhhhh Ooooooops Bugger......I have an appointment in Manchester I have to go

[poohcarrot]

Two newcomers to this game decide to have a p*ssing contest to see who can get the furthest. Unfortunately one of them is a killer. The one who isn't a killer says he's going to "get" the other one in the next round.

To seal the deal, the innocent one says;

Bah! Azzabannanana doesn't scare me

Directly daring Morty to kill him.

Morty HAD to kill DJ. He had no option.

(Sjoerdy-pops, let's make a pact for the next game that if DJ plays, we won't kill him or vote him off in the first round. He was really good, but unlucky that he was accidently baiting the wrong person.)

[Sjoerd3000]

Why are you calling me Sjoerdy-pops?
I do agree that it's a shame DJ got killed by that backstabber Morty so ok let's not kill or vote DJ off in the first round of the next game

[poohcarrot]

Mr Sjoerd

In the first round you led by example. You were the first to cast all your votes for Bikkit, then everyone else followed suit. Granted it wasn't the best person to vote off because Bikkit was innocent, but hey, we weren't to know.

Now "Cometh the hour, cometh the man."

Would you like to have the honour and lead by example again this round?

If you do (unless you were lying to me) I guarentee 100% the game will be over. I am so sure, that if I am wrong I will donate 20 pounds to Alzheimers and post a copy of the receipt on this very thread.

You vote twice more for Morty, I vote once more for Morty and that's it. We could be finished by Sunday.

But if you have a better plan, then please tell me.

[Sjoerd3000]

O.K. sounds like a good plan to me, it's obvious that Morty is the killer
But I want to know why you called me Sjoerdy-pops

I vote for Morty
I vote for Morty

[poohcarrot]

O.K. sounds like a good plan to me, it's obvious that Morty is the killer
But I want to know why you called me Sjoerdy-pops

I vote for Morty
I vote for Morty

I VOTE FOR MORTY with my final vote too.

There can now only be one outcome to this game. It is impossible for anything else to happen.

"Sjoerdy-pops" is a term of endearment. Just like "Dotsie-pops".
Stick a "y" on the end of someone's name then add "pops".
I have been calling you Sjoerdy-pops because I knew you were innocent.

[Sjoerd3000]

Aah Thanks Poohy-pops

[Dotsie]

Flippin' 'eck, I feel like I'm being unfairly represented here! I haven't done it with everyone in Manchester you know! Proximity is not necessarily a turn-on! And I'm only 38, thank you!

Dotsie-pops

[Morty]

Well sweet......
No word from Dotsie or Crysania about my innocence but voted off as a killer by an A Team partner and a bent Inspector........Well flippin sweet.

In the good book in Forums Chapter 14 Verses 12 to 23 when Jesus is being stoned he cries out Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. OK maybe Jesus never actually got stoned but that’s just nit picking and thinking about it I have not read of anyone taking Marijuana along with Bread and Wine.

Maybe the stunningly attractive Lauryn Hill can shame you two scoundrels as she echoes the words of our Lord and saviour.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTQL42onK08

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us
Although them again we will never, never, never trust

Dem noh know weh dem do, dig out yuh yei while dem sticking like glue,
Fling, skin, grin while dem plotting fah you,
True, Ah Who???

Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do

Beware the false motives of others
Be careful of those who pretend to be brothers
And you never suppose it's those who are closest to you, to you
They say all the right things to gain their position
Then use your kindness as their ammunition
To shoot you down in the name of ambition, they do

Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do

Why every Indian wanna be the chief?
Feed a man 'til he's full and he still want beef
Give me grief, try to tief off my piece
Why for you to increase, I must decrease?
If I treat you kindly does it mean that I'm weak?
You hear me speak and think I won't take it to the streets
I know enough cats that don't turn the other cheek
But I try to keep it civilized like Menelik
And other African czars observing stars with war scars
Get yours in this capitalistic system
So many caught or got bought you can't list them
How you gonna idolize the missing?
To survive is to stay alive in the face of opposition
Even when they comin' gunnin'
I stand position
L's known the mission since conception
Let's free the people from deception
If you looking for the answers
Then you gotta ask the questions
And when I let go, my voice echoes through the ghetto
Sick of men trying to pull strings like Geppetto
Why black people always be the ones to settle
March through these streets like Soweto

Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus, Jesus and Judas,
Backstabbers do this

Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do

It took me a little while to discover
Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers
Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves, to themselves
A friend once said, and I found to be true
That everyday people, they lie to God too
So what makes you think, that they won't lie to you

Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them, forgive them
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them, forgive them

Gwan like dem love while dem rip yuh to shreds,
Trample pon yuh heart and lef yuh fi dead,
Dem a yuh fren who yuh depen pon from way back when,
But if yuh gi dem yuh back den yuh mus meet yuh end,
Dem noh know wey dem do,
Dem no know, dem no know, dem no know,
Dem no know, dem no know wey dem do


I’m not expecting sympathy from Dotsie as I did accuse her in a moment of madness but quite what Crysania will make of this two man lynch party I shudder to think.

The only good thing to come out of this is that the Alzheimer’s Association will be 20 quid better off.

With a clear conscience and an honest heart I will take my shattered and limp body to church where I won’t pray for my limbs to get stronger or my speech to return to normal I will pray for you Sjoerd and you Inspector Pooh and ask forgiveness for your unspeakable (well unspeakable for me) sins in blaming an innocent old cripple with a speech impediment who lives off benefits and charity and who has to cook by the heat the candle gives off, the candle that also provides my lighting. When you two sit down tonight and flick a switch which turns on your central heating and you lean back to watch your 50’’ LED state of the art television sets in the lap of luxury I will still be praying for you.

When I’ve finished praying for you I will light my candle and warm my soup. The soup I made from some of the dried cat food that Aley has given me. When its luke warm I will switch on my battery operated black and white television and try to relax before I climb into my sack cloth bed.

But I shall sleep easily and wake in the morning with a song in my heart as a new day dawns and I can walk tall and look the world straight in the eye as an innocent man. A good man who can forgive those who choose to accuse me of things that would never cross my mind.

Somebody I can’t remember who started a thread (so that will probably be me then) called ‘’What goes around comes around’’ I expect to see you two mentioned quite heavily in that thread fairly soon. Both of you seem to have forgotten one of life’s golden rules.....Be nice to people on your way up as you will surely meet them again on your way back down.....Do not fear me Sjoerd, Do not fear me Pooh.....When we meet again I will turn the other cheek.
One final thing. On Monday evening at Morty’s cafe and Bistro we will be serving Cheffies latest gastronomic delight. Humble Pie. Lots of Humble Pie. In fact more Humble Pie than the Humble Pie factory in Humble Pie by the Water can produce in an average year of producing Humble Pie. A table for two will be reserved and you are both invited as my guests.
I rest my case.
I know tonight how Jesus felt when Peter denied knowing him in Forums Chapter 56 verses 2 to 6. Tonight I have not one but two Peters that have disowned me. I shall rise again and I shall put on many new threads and spread the word that the book of Forums is the way. I will post again and I will share with the members how I forgave my accusers and I know who will be exalted and I know who will be cast out. But I will not allow that to happen and I will pray that The High Priest Tonyblack will show pity on your soles and allow you to remain in the bosom of the forum.
I will leave now and no doubt see you pour scorn on my words but I know you know not what you do and I forgive you..................

Brother Morty.
Sorted that picture of Lauryn will get Sjoerd back on my side

[Jan Van Quirm]

It would depend on what sort of stoned you meant with this lot Morty (some of the 'gentlemen' at least... )

[Morty]

It would depend on what sort of stoned you meant with this lot Morty (some of the 'gentlemen' at least... )

I only know of one meaning for the term ''Stoned'' any other definations of the word are not to me as I am a clean living boy.

Maybe ''Boy'' was pushing it a bit and no doubt will give more reasons for Judas and Iscariot otherwise known as Sjoerd and Pooh to come and accuse me of murder.

HOW VERY DARE THEY

[Jan Van Quirm]

That's the ticket - go down all gobby.

Told you you'd like this game!

[Morty]

:lol: That's the ticket - go down all gobby.

Told you you'd like this game!

GO DOWN ALL GOBBY

GO DOWN ALL GOBBY

Madam I shall ask you to immediately retract that statement.
I HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF GOING DOWN AS I AM AS PURE AS THE DRIVEN SNOW.

As the director of this production your statement suggests that I might not be featured in round 3.

I have faith that I will be found to be an innocent man and I am unanimous in my decision.

I do not expect to see both Judas and Iscariot in the next round but I have fitting THIS VERY EVENING LUVIE for the costume I shall be wearing on the final night. Its a very subtle off the shoulder number inspired by Elton John and Eddie Izzard

[Sjoerd3000]

I´m sorry Morty but in this game there is no room for friends And the way I see it you are Brutus AND Cassius in one, Pooh and myself are of course Mark Antony and Octavian (later to be known as Augustus)

[Morty]

Alas, poor Sjoerd! I knew him well; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at it