TWONKEY! A dramatic whodunnit in up to 3 acts

[Morty]

Mmmm interesting theory Pooh that a man with a completely paralized right arm who falls over if he takes his left arm of his crutch should be blamed

I’m ARMless Guv onest I is

I ask myself who likes Donuts to the extent they would kill for them and for the first time around I vote for my fellow Mancunian Dotsie

I can feel a new thread coming on but first I have a Bish to Bxxxer

[poohcarrot]

Going for the sympathy vote?

Claiming innocence? As a matter of principle I never claim I'm innocent. Last game Sjoerd claimed he was innocent but was a killer. Crys claimed she was innocent but was a killer. As far as I see it, anyone who claims they are innocent is guilty.

Immediately trying to deflect my accusation by going after Dotsie?

It does seem a trifle odd that in the first 4 days you only made 2 short posts, but already after only one hour you've posted twice the amount of words you did in the first 96 hours all together. You're obviously watching what happens in this game.

Were you and Crys late pm-ing Jan your decisions because you were arguing about who to kill?

And how long will it be before you start trying to get your fellow "A-Team" members to side with you? (although I have a feeling that one of them is already on your side nudge nudge)

And looking at the gobby efficients of everyone, is it just a co-incidence that Morty and Crys both have posted the least?

[Morty]

Would it confuse things if I told you that Sjoerd was the secret love child of Dotsie and I

[poohcarrot]

So not only a killer, but a womaniser AND you've just inferred that Dotsie is a loose woman AND that Sjoerd is a b*stard!

[Morty]

Ah......A rare slip there. I always try to be very polite and gentlemanly on this forum so I offer an unreserved and sincere apology to Dotsie. I offer the same apology to Sjoerd and offer my hand in a gesture of friendship.

Tis possible that for my first game I may be trying to run before I can walk and it may be best upon reflection to adapt the policy of the first round and go back to being the strong silent type. Maybe I should switch on my MP3 Player where I have several Terry Pratchett audio books to listen to and become a Discworld expert over the next few days until the heat dies down and that infernal forum detective Inspector Pooh of the Sûreté leaves me alone. I never expected a man of Inspector Pooh’s integrity to go after the crippled old man.

Maybe a trip to Lourdes is in order to immerse my broken body in the miracle waters and return to the forum as I once was, the stunt double for Mel Gibson.

Possibly if I were to get my Aston Martin DB7 out of moth balls and once again donned my trademark white tuxedo and arrived at the door of the fair Lady Dotsie I could make amends for my cheap attempt to throw Inspector Pooh of the Sûreté of my trail. Surely as husband and wife Dotsie and I would have a better chance of making it to the next round.

All this skulduggery is driving me crazy......I am not crazy I am as sane as the next man as long as the next man isn’t Inspector Pooh of the Sûreté. He is clearly insane for ever thinking that a cripple could possibly be capable of murder.

What could have driven Inspector Pooh of the Sûreté mad? Could it be jealously thinking that I had had carnal knowledge of Dotsie? I have seen things written by Inspector Pooh of the Sûreté and it has been obvious to me that he has been trifling with her affections. This is probably the reason why there appears to slightly more of a confrontation whenever Jan and Inspector Pooh of the Sûreté lock horns on a thread.

Could it be that this mystery is all based on love? Ah how many crimes have there been where the love of a good woman has been the real reason for a crime of passion. Maybe Inspector Pooh of the Sûreté has solved more than the odd one or two crimes of passion in his illustrious career who knows. Somehow I can’t see Inspector Pooh of the Sûreté laying his heart on his sleeve as I have done. I try to keep all my posts to the absolute minimum to save bandwidth and so that I don’t bore the backside off the other members.

I always do my very best to keep strictly on topic as I have done in this very post. I have apologized for most ungentlemanley remarks and have offered the hand of friendship to Master Sjoerd. For the rest of the time I have tried to offer some help in unravelling this mystery and have not rambled so as to make everyone think I am mad.

However if the crime was indeed a crime of madness committed on a forum well known for its madness would that make any difference. Can an insane man be tried for a crime when it is obvious to all that he is not fit to stand trial? Similarly can a mad Inspector from the Sûreté stand before a Justice of the peace and give evidence.

And that raises a very good question. Has there been any evidence, have any clues been left. Have the officers of The Sûreté anything to go on or do they rely on local innkeepers to allow them to use their conveniences. Is there only Inspector Pooh of the Sûreté who has a key to the executive bathroom?

Then we come to the silent majority. Those who have chosen not to speak in this round. Have I gone on a tad too long and they have given up waiting for me to finish .....Have they died of old age? Maybe the murderer has died of natural cause while I have been trying to get myself off the hook ....I mean make sense of all this madness.

So where do I go from here. Obviously a guilty man in the eyes of Inspector Pooh of the Sûreté me thinks that no longer engaging in verbal intercourse with him might be a good idea. I can’t see the fair lady Dotsie being too friendly towards me and the same can be said for Master Sjoerd. So that leaves the Fair Maiden Lady Crysania of Italy

Maybe the Fair Maiden Lady Crysania of Italy has a hilltop château where I could visit to listen to my audio books and come back a revived person ready to make my final vote.

Finally are mad men allowed to vote? If not how did the present government get into office how was George Bush allowed to declare war on half the world and how on earth did we end up with the BNP party.

For my next vote I vote for a break .....Have a break have a Kit Kat.....Meerkat.com....Market.com ...Simples...... Nuts, whole hazelnuts! Cadbury's take 'em and they cover them in chocolate."....... A finger of fudge is just enough to give your kids a treat......

The Milky Bar Kid is strong and tough
And only the best is good enough,
The creamiest milk, the whitest bar,
The goodness that’s in Milky Bar
Nestlé’s Milky Bar.

The Milky Bars are on me!

I’m going to abstain for a while to allow me to ponder.....Ponder....Ponder Stibbons who let him in is he like one of those celebrities they fly in on Big Brother ....excuse my French.......Ah I’m losing it ......

I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.

A darkened room that was it a darkened room and imagine your swimming with Dolphins. Why do I always end up swimming with Sharks.....Why do I see the lights in my head and the voices don’t mention the voices I didn’t you did.....I thought I was alone.....Move over so did I......Shark Shark

[Doughnut Jimmy]

In an eerie voice floating around the theatre:

You've deaded me, you rotten swine you

[poohcarrot]

That was toot and a half and no mistake.

Interesting tactics though. Baffle 'em with bulls**t, then run away and hide.

[Sjoerd3000]

Would it confuse things if I told you that Sjoerd was the secret love child of Dotsie and I

WHAT Dotise is much too young to be my mother! and I'm as Dutch as.. as.. I'm just very Dutch! How dare you!!! This is so obviously a lie that you must be Wanda or Azabanananana!!!!! and therefore Pooh is right!!

I vote for Morty

[Morty]

This is so obviously a lie that you must be Azabanananana!!!!!

I thought it was The Librarian that Azabanana And have you read what Doughnut Jimmy is saying about you

[Morty]

That was toot and a half and no mistake.

Ha...... A fine upstanding erect Morty tells the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth and he gets accused of talking Toot. I'll have you know Inspector Pooh of wherever your from I am most affronted Sir.

I have a jolly good mind to vote for you but I'm too much of an honest, decent,
ethical, virtuous, reputable, trustworty, honourable, lawabiding, veracious, scrupulous, chappie to be so spiteful.

I feel like I'm being blackballed in a vicious campain to sour my good name and therefore I'm picking up the stumps, tucking my trusty willow under my arm (My one good arm) and walking off the pitch in disgust and I would imagine to huge raptuous applause from the decent chaps who can recognize a real gentleman when they see one.

Fingers crossed that gets them of my back for a while

[poohcarrot]

WHAT Dotise is much too young to be my mother! and I'm as Dutch as.. as.. I'm just very Dutch! How dare you!!! This is so obviously a lie that you must be Wanda or Azabanananana!!!!! and therefore Pooh is right!!

Good point Sjoerdy-Pops.

Dotsie is only 39, you are 24 (or 25) which would mean that Morty had sex with Dotsie when she was 14 or 15.

My gods! He's stacking up those offences. Murder and now sex with minors!!

[Sjoerd3000]

I'm 24 It means Morty isn't the gentleman he claims to be which can only mean he is Azabananananananananana

[Morty]

sex with minors!!

This is becoming ludicrous I have never had sex with cars.



I admit to taking this fine model to the pictures but we only cuddled on the backrow on a Saturday night.....I can feel myself(which is all I did) DRIFTING off into song......Saturday night at the movies La La La La La La.....When your hugging and a kissin on the backrow on a Saturday night......WITHOUT the kissin....I am still a virgo intacto

[poohcarrot]

I am still a virgo intacto

So how come you have a love child?

Methinks you be telling porkies.

A fine upstanding erect Morty tells the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth and he gets accused of talking Toot.

[Jan Van Quirm]

yeah right...

Keep going -you'll all get there eventually no doubt