However, he heard you can't stand textese and since his name contains a 1 instead of a I, he takes this personally
Technically, putting numbers in a word to replace letters is called 'l33t'. Textese is the stuff like 'LOL, C U AT PRTY L8R?' (Note that the '8' is an abbreviation, not a replacement for a letter).
God, I'm such a geek
You are married to Willy Wonka, but he constantly gives you chocolate.
Especially the particular kind you really hate!
I wish someone would transfer NetHack to a calculator.