Corrupt-a-wish

[Willem]

You are transformed into Susan Boyle.

I wish I could play the piano.

[captainsmog]

You can play piano, but as you 're playing Rachmaninov's Prince Rostislav,
the piano lid close suddenly, cutting your precious pianist fingers!

I wish I d'be a space explorer.

[Lady Vetinari]

You are transformed into Susan Boyle.

I wish I could play the piano.

Willem there's a flaw in your corruption of the wish ... I happen to like Susan Boyle ...

Your wish is granted - unfortunately you brought yours from a dodgy second hand piano dealer who has made it impossible to re-tune it so you'll always be out of tune.

I wish I was Liv Tyler.

[Willem]

Sure, Susan Boyle's likeable enough... wouldn't want to be her though Didn't she get all kinds of stress-related health problems after the programme ended?

To combine the two previous wishes: you are now Captain Liv Tyler, space explorer. This retroactively changes the plot for the 1998 movie Armageddon - Liv's character Grace Stamper goes up into space instead of Bruce Willis's character Harry Stamper. Consequently Harry doesn't sacrifice himself to save us all and Earth gets smashed by the big scary meteorite. You spend the rest of your days in orbit around a ruined planet with only Ben Affleck and Steve Buscemi for company. And Steve just got a funny look in his eyes...



I wish the Easter Bunny was real.

[Quark]

The easter bunny is real, but he gets the eggs by committing armed robbery at candy stores.

I wish for a fish. (Let's hope you get this one right )

[mystmoon]

You get a shark with the fins cut off.

I wish that my uni application will be accepted

[Quark]

It is, but you've applied for the Unseen University. Worse, you end up with room 7a.

I wish I was a better writer.

[Lady Vetinari]

You become a better writer but then the estate of Charles Dickens grabs you for plagiarism and successfully sues you for thousands and thousands of pounds leaving you penniless in the streets.

I wish that Han Solo rescues me.

[Quark]

What from? Where?

[Mysticsypher]

Chewie then howls in your ear, bursts your eardrums and you are now deaf.

I wish that I worked in a chocolate factory.

[bikkit]

You are now an oompa loompa (from the first film)

I wish for 100 more wishes

[Quark]

You get them, but you waste almost all of them by accident and spend the rest of your life agonizing over what to use your 100th wish on, as it is the only wish in the world, because your wish depleted the world stock of grant-able wishes and you are hauled off by djinn to high court for cheating.

I wish factorizing was easier.

[Willem]

I wish factorizing was easier.

Factorizing is made relatively easier by making everything else even harder. Factorizing is now the easiest thing in the world, but you can't figure out how to tie your shoelaces anymore.

I wish for my cold to wear off.

[Quark]

A world cure for the common cold is produced, but it is so quick and cheap to produce that everyone has it, and you no longer have an excuse not to go to work/school.

I wish I could sleep for an extra four hours every night.

[mystmoon]

You can sleep for an extra 4 hours every night, unfortunately, you still take the same amount of time to drop off, making you permanently late in the mornings

I wish that Photoshop didn't take so long to load