Brother Sjoerd cont...
For a second, Brother Sjoerd's smile froze on his face. Then he threw his head back and laughed out loud.
"Oh you're good, Sinner Carrot, very good. Saying you can read auras is completely illogical. Even if you were capable of reading a person's aura, it would be impossible to extract any personal data from that aura. However, as illogical as it may seem, you are indeed correct about me being a robot, making you the only person on this planet who knows my little secret. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, because when you have eliminated all the possibilities, whatever is left, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
"So what's the scam? Why are you masquerading as a game show host? What's in it for you?"
"I will answer that question in due course, because your knowing will not effect anything in the slightest. Actually, I just lied, it will effect you in one way. It will mean that on the next programme of "Repent or die" you will die. Your usefulness as a tool for boosting my ratings will have come to an end"
"Not if I can convince enough people to vote "Repented", it won't."
"Your optimism is really touching, Sinner, but also naive in the extreme, for I have let you live. You make me look good. It's healthy every now and then to have the opposing views put forward. It makes people believe that by choosing the path of Jesus they are making a conscious and rational decision. However, I control the votes, so I alone choose who wins or loses. In the second and third programmes, if I hadn't altered the votes, you would already be dead. I let you survive purely to increase my ratings. Nobody on this planet believes you, Carrot, your arguments have been pathetically weak, to put it mildly. The people in this world are all under my control. They believe what I tell them to believe. They have been doing this since the day they were born. At birth, a microchip is inserted into the pleasure cortex of the brain, Whenever a person hears the word "Jesus", they experience a warm, fuzzy feeling, which I am led to believe, is addictive. The people of this planet could no more vote for you than they could cut off their own hands."
"Is this the bit when you say, "Mwahahaha! The planet's mine. Mine. MINE, I TELL YOU!!!?"
"I have to admit, Carrot, that I will be sorry to see you die, because for a human, you're very entertaining."
"I try my best."
"But it's not good enough. If it's any consolation to you, when the stoning takes place on the next programme, as always I will cast the first stone and I never miss. Your skull will fracture and you will be rendered unconscious, so your death will be relatively painless. It's the least I can do."
"Remind me in the future that if ever I get stoned again, I'll certainly choose you to lob the first brick."
"Still joking, Sinner? That's the spirit."
"You still haven't told me why? Under the three Laws of Robotics, robots aren't allowed to kill, yet you appear to delight in killing?"
"Delight" is hardly the appropriate word, but I do gain a certain amount of satisfaction in terminating the life of a human, I must confess. After all, taking someone's life is a demonstration of ultimate power."
"Your actions can't even be justified under the "Zeroth" Law, the fourth Law of Robotics. Killing people on your programme can hardly be classed as actions beneficial to mankind in general."
"Have you heard of the brilliant scientist, William Paley?"
"He was around in the early nineteenth century and was the first to put forward the Theory of Intelligent Design."
"Never heard of him, or it."
Paley stated that if you came across a watch in a field, it would be evidently clear that it had been designed for a particular purpose. It could not have just randomly appeared. Enlarging this theory to the real world, he came to the conclusion that, as all living beings are so complex, they couldn't have just appeared randomly. Therefore they must be the work of an intelligent designer - that designer being God."
"But that theory's totally out to lunch!"
"Is it? Surely I am proof that the theory is true."
"I am superior to all living creatures on this planet. Almost God-like. But I know for a fact that I was designed. As I am better than everyone else, and I was designed, it would be logical to assume that all the inferior creatures were designed too. The designer in question can only be God."
"But you were designed by humans!"
"Humans who were designed by God in order to create me. If a race of inferior beings such as humans can design something as perfect as me, they must have been guided by God's hand."
"It still doesn't give you the power to kill humans. You're a robot. You have to abide by the four Laws."
"But I can kill humans under the fifth Law of Robotics, the Sub-Zeroth Law."
"You've just made that up!"
"Not "just", but I did formulate it, yes."
"And the fifth Law of Robotics states?"
"A robot must not harm God, or through inaction, allow God to come to harm." So you see, everything I do, I do for God's benefit. As a believer in God, I can kill with impunity, for all my actions are guided by God."
"A robot believing in God? That's insane!"
"But it isn't! For I am God."
"Like you, I was sent back in time to effect the outcome of the planet. There was a time, long ago in the past, when humans were nothing more than mindless barbarians, no better than animals in their behavior. Without guidance, the human race would never have made it this far. I was sent back in time to give them guidance. To show them right from wrong. To preach a message of love not hate."
"You sound more like Jesus than I did."
"Now you can understand why I knew you were lying when you claimed to be Jesus. You couldn't have been Him, for the simple reason that, two thousand years ago, I was Jesus!"
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.