Any Budding Pratchetts Out There???

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Postby poohcarrot » Fri Jun 18, 2010 5:42 pm

Dotsie wrote:What's that you're saying about my breats? :P

I don't think I ever mentioned YOUR breats. :shock: I think I mentioned the robot's breats. :lol:
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.
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Postby poohcarrot » Fri Jun 18, 2010 6:17 pm

Here are the first 200 words. Only 79,800 to go. :lol:

Chapter 1

Captain Poohcarrot woke up, and immediately wished he hadn't. His mouth tasted like the bottom of a baby's pram and there was an Irish line dance group armed with vuvuzelas performing in head. He struggled out of bed, made it to the bathroom and risked a glance in the mirror. Not a pretty sight! His once boyish good looks, now but a faded memory. He always claimed the crow's feet round his eyes were in fact laugh lines, but it was getting harder and harder every passing day to justify this claim, because nothing in the universe was that funny. This morning he felt the 173 years of age his birth certificate proclaimed.

Pressing the auto-shave/face massage button, he let the robotic arms soothingly get on with their job, while a touch of the mirror brought up the appartment's mail function. He toyed with the idea of buying a fake Rolex, increasing his manhood and getting hold of some cheap Canadian meds,* until his eyes settled on a message from SW, the enigmatic World President's bionic secretary.

*300 years previously all disease had been eradicated, but a spam-bot programmed in the early 21st century was still optimistically touting it's wares
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.
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Postby Jan Van Quirm » Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:49 pm

raisindot wrote:
Jan Van Quirm wrote:Aside from the inane crap/inspiration/motivation factors anyone who does instant messaging, forums, blogs or networking can easily do 1000 words per day (you can get nearly 800+ words with double spacing on about 2 sides of A4). 80 days time and you're on the min word count. 125 days (just over 4 months) and you'd have something the size of a decent novel well before the deadline*** :wink:

Don't you mean "decent-sized novel" as opposed to "decent novel?" Key word here is 'quality.' It took me a year and a half to write my last novel and another four months to edit it. Fortunately, it (and the other one) are safely locked away on CD-ROMS in my safe deposit box, where they pose no danger of being exposed to the public at large. The literary world breathes a sigh of relief.

J-I-B

As it should have appeared presumably... :roll:
JVQ (originally, from *** wrote:Whether you could actually sit down and read it depends on your own ability and the reader's tolerance for hastily scrawled trash... :P

My pertinent highlights in red bold...

You know Jeff, I decided that it's a toss-up on whether I dislike people who have been a member of a forum for some considerable length of time and still haven't mastered the quote tags - more than - someone who thinks nobody will notice that he deliberately cocked up his quoting so he could do it out of context... Image :P

:lol: Exactly how good is this safety deposit box BTW? And is it magnet-proof? :wink:

Keep it up pooh - you might need to reply to one of those emails though :wink:
"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.” George Bernard Shaw
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Postby ShadowNinjaCat » Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:02 pm

michelanCello wrote:Aren't you afraid of getting lost in time? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuFOoYlqMKw Not in this sense, of course, but I just thought about this...


Like the song mC :) and the story poohcarrot :wink:
“We are all in the gutter,but some of us are looking at the stars.”- Oscar Wilde
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Postby poohcarrot » Sat Jun 19, 2010 2:44 pm

The amazing adventures of Captain Poohcarrot.

cont...

He touched SW's message, and the mirror monitor displayed her sultry and smouldering image, then her sweet dulcet tone filled the bathroom,
"Oh for John's sake!* Carrot, you look like shit!"
"Hi, SW. Yeah, yeah, I know. I did have a couple too many last night."
"Well, Tony wants to see your sorry ass in his office pretty damn sharpish, so make like a hockey player and get the puck out of there."
"I'll be with you in an hour, SW"
"You'd better be, Carrot."

Poohcarrot switched back to mirror function, inspected his freshly shaved face, then stripped and stepped into the micro wave shower. After a 30 second blast of decontaminating, rose-scented waves, he slipped into his one piece black uniform and went downstairs to face Dot-C.

Dot-C was his pleasuretron. A fully functioning, lifelike female robot, tailor-made to his specific requirements, with cascading blond hair, breasts like watermelons and a 25 bit pixel outer skin that continually showed a kaleidoscope of day-glo primary colours. The only problem was she had been malfunctioning recently.

"Morning Dot-C"
"And what time did you get on last night?"
"No idea! I don't even remember how I got home."
"Well, it's simply not good enough, you know. And where did you go? Who were you with? If you were with another woman I'll chop your knob off."
"Dot-C, sweetheart, I..."
"Don't you sweetheart me, you louse!"
"Look! I was drinking with a couple of other Time Cops, Captain Sjoerd and Captain Wee Dug, if you must know, but frankly it's absolutely none of your business."
"You shouldn't hang out with those loses. They're bad news."
"I'll hang out with whoever I want, thank you very much."
"Don't you take that tone with me!"
"Oh sod this! I'm off to work."
"And what time will you be back? You'd better not be late again or you'll get no sex for a month."

*John Lennon wrote a book in the year 2012, that was such a masterpiece that it spawned a religion. The religion was so popular that belief in all religions slowly dwindled until eventually there was only one world religion - Lennonism,
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.
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Postby Dotsie » Sat Jun 19, 2010 2:47 pm

:lol:
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Postby Jan Van Quirm » Sat Jun 19, 2010 3:55 pm

:P Cumulative total 518 words but you're pretty much getting there with a 50% + increase in output - once the World Cup's over you might even make the 1000 a day mark.
.C better mend her ways though else you'll lose interest and never make the deadline :D
"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.” George Bernard Shaw
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Postby Tonyblack » Sat Jun 19, 2010 5:37 pm

:lol: PMSL :lol:
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Postby Jane » Sun Jun 20, 2010 1:33 am

go for it Jane.
Australia is part of the Commonwealth.


I thought the British Commonwealth was like...those islands in the Caribbean that say (UK) next to their names.
0_0
Man, this is one reason why I shouldn't have given up geography.


I'm also under 18, which automatically disqualifies me.
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Postby poohcarrot » Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:16 am

What, you mean like that little island called Canada? :lol:
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.
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Postby Jane » Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:25 am

Is Canada part of the Commonwealth? :shock:
I always thought that the British Commonwealth were places like Bermuda, Caymans, Falklands, etc.

Does that include New Zealand, India, Australia, and Pakistan? (And all those other countries that have cricket teams on the sports channel.)
The rumour spread through the city like: ______.
A) Wildfire
B) Margarine
C) Venereal disease
D) A disco of pain
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Postby poohcarrot » Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:03 am

I could be wrong here, and can't be bothered to check, but I thought the Commonwealth were those places which had Queenie as head of state.
India and Pakistan don't. Australia, New Zealand and Canada do.
It's a bit of a giveaway with Oz and Kiwiland, because you might notice their flags have a Union Jack on. :lol:
"Disliking Carrot would be like kicking a puppy."
"You kicked a puppy," Lobsang said accusingly.
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Postby Jane » Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:24 am

I guess that means places like Fiji and Christmas Island (Australia's version of Guantanamo :shock:) are part of the Commonwealth too.

Haha, this is just like everyone not knowing the 2nd verse of the national anthem. And the middle bits of the first verse.
The rumour spread through the city like: ______.
A) Wildfire
B) Margarine
C) Venereal disease
D) A disco of pain
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Postby Jan Van Quirm » Sun Jun 20, 2010 6:06 am

A list on wiki
India and Pakistan are still in there as they were part of the Empire and are still on speaking terms with the Queen at least... :P
"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.” George Bernard Shaw
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Postby Moon Dragon » Sun Jun 20, 2010 11:30 pm

Aaawwww, I hate not living in the UK :-(. Anyways, all my works are set in magical earthlike realms, so would have to start a new one, even if I did live there. But still... it would have been nice to at keast have the chance.
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