THE CARROTS "LIVE"

[Quatermass]

Can I throw rotten tomatoes?

[poohcarrot]

If you have a very long arm, yes!

[Quatermass]

If you have a very long arm, yes!

I have a strong arm. Not very accurate, but I can throw hard enough.

Observe.

*spltch!*

Oops. Sorry, Del!

[CrysaniaMajere]

[poohcarrot]

THE 2012 CARROT AWARDS

And...cue intro music...3...2...1

[poohcarrot]

Good evening/morning/afternoon (delete where inapplicable) ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2012 Carrot awards for the Writer of the Year competition. We have in store a night/day/afternoon (delete where inapplicable) of high drama, revelations, fireworks, triumph, shattered dreams, laughter and tears.

The competition has been a resounding success and with over 5,000 views on the main thread alone (in just over one month), has proved to be one of, if not the, most successful and popular threads ever on the Transworld Terry Pratchett forum. Not bad for a competition that was banished to the wastelands of the forum to die a slow and painful death.

It would have been even better if more people from the Broken Drum had participated in the story-writing and voting, but I quite understand why they didn't - it's because they're all grumpy and boring.

So shortly we'll get down to the real business of the night/day/afternoon (delete where inapplicable), the dishing out of awards to the competitors, with the grand finale being the award of the GOLDEN CARROT to the Writer of 2012 - a writer selected from this group of his/her peers.

[Quatermass]

Thematically appropriate, but this is a much better awards ceremony theme: bombastic, a little snarky, and with way too many horns and saxophones:

[poohcarrot]

MVP Carrot

(apologies for re-posting - it just deserved to be here)

In all major competitions nowadays, the award of MVP (Most Valuable Player) is awarded to the competitor who has had the biggest impact on the tournament. It's a tradition, or an old charter, or something.

So without further ado, I would like to award the MVP to the writer of the story "The Puzzle."

The Puzzle

So I sat in my chair, the magazine stretched across my lap;
“Only ten minutes given this time”, I pondered, clasping my pen tightly.
Dispelling all other thoughts from my mind, I would concentrate on the task before me.
Until I emerged victorious!
Kicking off, I placed the first, with the second soon following, and then the third......Time flew by!
Utilizing only one to nine, I would finish with just seconds to spare.......and then;

Suddenly I saw my error!
Using one twice!
“C*ck!” I shouted.
Knowing I could never find the mistake in time, I screamed in rage;
“SODUKU SUCKS!”

I must confess that even though I read this story on several occaisions, I spectacularly failed to notice its sheer inventive brilliance, with the first letters of each sentence spelling out the final line. Amazing! Jano also failed to spot this, for when she put it into a word document, she altered the lay-out, so instead of saying "SODUKU SUCKS" it said "I AM THE DAUGHTER OF SATAN" (or something a bit like that. )

When this was brought to my attention (and rightly so) by the author, I apologised profusely and Jano restored it to its former glory.

So the writer of "The Puzzle" is hereby awarded the MVP in the Writer of 2012 competition.


However, MVP on this occaision stands for "Mike Verily P*ssed-himself-laughing," because something suddenly dawned on me.

This writer clearly has as twisted and devious a mind as Professor Moriarty riding a helter-skelter with a pocketful of corkscrews, but unfortunately has the spelling ability of an ant!

SODUKU??! SODUKU??!
Shouldn't that be SUDOKU?

And the winner is...

[Sjoerd3000]

The excitement is getting to much

[poohcarrot]

MVP CARROT

PINFLOD!

[poohcarrot]

Unfortunately Pinflod couldn't be here today because he had far more exciting things to do such as watching traffic lights change colour, and paint dry.
But here's one he made earlier.

Ackseptanse Speech

Wel its tyme to addmit that the persson hoo can't* spel Sudoku is nun uther than myselph! In my deefense, I woz thinkin abowt crikkit at the tyme and a "soduku" is a allturnitiv naym for a "Carrom Ball".** Allso, Speling haz allways bean a probblem as mi manajer at the caseeno sed wen he sore mi rekord-keeping on the payperwerk.

Enyway, I am honord too reseeve this awawed and wood lyke too thaynk evrywon hoo took prat, espeshally Poo and Jan four awl there hard werk too mayk it the suksess it haz bean!

Wunse agane,
Thaynk-yoo awl.

Pinflod.***

[poohcarrot]

Carrot for "Best story with a 5-letter title written by a projectionist living in Bristol"

This category proved to be one of the toughest for the judges to decide. In the end it boiled down to either "Zygomaticus Major Muscles Only" or "Swear." It could have gone either way, but in the end the judges came to their decision based on the fact that the former didn't have a 5-letter title, wasn't written by a projectionist (or an ex-projectionist), and the writer lived as far as way from Bristol as is humanly possible while staying on the same planet.

The winner is...

[poohcarrot]

CARROT FOR BEST STORY WITH A 5-LETTER TITLE ETC ETC

DAVEC!

[poohcarrot]

By the way, everyone who wrote a story will win a Carrot. So get working on those acceptence speeches!

[Quatermass]

...Why would I want to live in Bristol?