Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby poohcarrot » Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:24 am

18 The Man With X-Ray Eyes

Acquiring X-ray vision in a scientific experiment that went wrong, seemed more like a curse than a gift.
He couldn't sleep because every time he closed his eyes, he was engulfed in brightness.
Physically and mentally exhausted, he decided death was the only escape from the madness.

But then he discovered lead! Lead was impervious to his vision.

He had several sunglasses custom-made with differing thicknesses of lead for different occaisions, won $5,000,000 playing poker in Vegas, then retired to sunny climes where he now lives in the lap of luxury.

Moral

Never trust anybody who wears sunglasses inside.
Last edited by poohcarrot on Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby Quatermass » Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:26 am

poohcarrot wrote:Just a couple of points Q 8-)

a) You are a native English speaker, yet freely admit that you are incapable of writing a 100-word story. :ugeek:

b) A third of the entries so far are from people whose first language ISN'T English. :ugeek:

Sorry to disagree with you yet again, but I think that non-native English speakers who are brave enough to submit an entry should be applauded and encouraged, not ridiculed. 8-)


I didn't ridicule them. I made a single snarky remark about one, and precisely one, story. I actually enjoyed another story, the one on the Fourth Crusade, and made my praise clear. I restrained from comment on every other story. It's probably too much to expect you to stop talking sh**, but if you're going to taunt me, make the effort to be more accurate.

As for being incapable of writing a 100-word story, I chafe at limits. I feel short-changed if I write a story that isn't substantial or doesn't feel right. A story is hard to fit into predetermined limits. I speak from experience. That's why I'm having so much trouble writing for the TP Prize.
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby poohcarrot » Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:13 am

You've commented on two stories Q.
You admit you were "snarky" to the first one, so how's anyone meant to know you weren't being "snarky" again? :roll:

My apologies if you weren't being "snarky" to the second one, but if you hadn't been "snarky" to the first one, nobody would have thought you were being "snarky" to the second one, but you were, so people did. 8-)
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby pip » Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:14 am

Love the Pooh Logic :lol:
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby DaveC » Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:18 am

pip wrote:Love the Pooh Logic :lol:



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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby poohcarrot » Mon Jan 30, 2012 11:03 am

19 BERNARD

Too close, far too close, alien fronds creep down Poet’s Corner. Once, three men, now an amalgam, plus something completely other. And soon, worse was to come. Infection of everything, if it couldn’t be stopped.

He looked bleakly into the camera as it panned over to him. An experiment is an operation designed to uncover some unknown truth. It is also a risk. It was his experiment that brought this calamity upon the Earth, three very long days ago. His responsibility, and his alone.

He needed to tell the world the worst. And hope for their forgiveness. Nothing else mattered.
Last edited by poohcarrot on Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby poohcarrot » Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:06 pm

20 Swear

‘SH*T!’ I dropped a saucepan on the kitchen floor. That word came so naturally, got me thinking of the first time that James swore. He’d been playing with older friends and had come home for tea. He stood by the door and said, ’What does f*ck mean?’ It came as such a shock that I smacked him around the head. He burst out crying, he was six. Some kids grow up with swearing parents but I tried to keep foul language away from mine. Now he’s twenty he still doesn’t swear much, he tells other people off for it, though.
Last edited by poohcarrot on Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby poohcarrot » Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:08 pm

21 THE HOLLOW MAN 2.0 (with apologies to TS Eliot)

Tubes for breathing, tubes for feeding, tubes for waste, tubes for drugs. Wires in the head, delivering instant gratification. Eyes stare blankly at something they can only see within the warm porridge within the skull.

Something breaks. Within or without, it matters not. But the last takes their last breath, and it is a strange noise, echoing through emptying tubes.

Was it fear of death, or was it their last electric pleasure that caused them to make that noise? Who can tell? The dead won’t speak.

This is the way the world ends.

Not with a bang, but a whimper.
Last edited by poohcarrot on Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby poohcarrot » Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:09 pm

22 NUCLEAR CHECKMATE

The board goes flying, pieces briefly under the delusion that they are capable of flight before gravity takes over. The loser/winner gets to his feet in a rage. “You cheated!” he bellows.

The winner/loser looks smug, further inflaming the rage of the loser/winner. “I chose the nuclear option. Nobody wins.”

“You just tipped the board over!” the loser/winner snarled.

“And nobody wins. Everybody loses.” The winner/loser stands up, before slipping on his own pawn, and ending up with the loser/winner’s king in his skull.

Everybody laughed at the hospital, except for the winner/loser, who survived, but was definitely a loser.
Last edited by poohcarrot on Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby poohcarrot » Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:27 pm

23 ZYGOMATICUS MAJOR MUSCLES ONLY

“Have a nice flight,” the stewardess said, giving me that practised smile. It is said that it takes more muscles to smile than to frown. But she isn’t really smiling. Just enough muscles contract to show her teeth in an assembly-line smile.

I wonder what it is like, beneath the veneer of that superficial smile. I wonder what stresses and strife plague her. I wonder what it is like when smiling is a routine, where happiness, or the appearance thereof, is compulsory.

A real smile wrinkles the face. But her smile doesn’t. It’s rather sad. She’s certainly not happy inside.
Last edited by poohcarrot on Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby poohcarrot » Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:46 pm

ATTENTION ALL COMPETITORS

I am absolutely gobsmacked by the quality and quantity of the stories. :shock: :shock: :clap: :clap:

So I'm going to change the rules. It's my game, so I can do what I want! 8-)

There will not be a Forum Writer of the Year. :shock: :shock: :cry: :cry:

There will be THREE forum writers of the year. :clap: :clap: :clap:

There will be two native English speakers and one person who uses English as a second language. :dance: :dance: :dance:

And because deciding which story to vote for is becoming more and more difficult, I might send all the stories to Colin Smythe (I have his email address) and see if I can persuade him to choose the best three. 8-) 8-)
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby Quatermass » Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:47 pm

...

What.
I've lived for over 2000 years, and not all of them were good ones. I've made many mistakes. And it's about time I did something about that.

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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby poohcarrot » Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:00 pm

Quatermass wrote:...

What.

Well he answered the last two questions I sent to him, so he might. :dance:
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby Batty » Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:22 pm

Quatermass wrote:
Pyramids has an excellent first part with Pteppic's test and life in the Assassin's Guild. The rest of the book is dreary and tired, much like the country of Djelibeybi. In other words, it's a load of bollocks.

Whereas Making Money lampoons the banks and economics in a very timely manner, and has Moist! Moist von -ing Lipwig! The knob gags are secondary :P
:dance: :dance: :dance:

Totally agree with Q!
When I first read Pyramids I was really disappointed with the ending. It felt rushed as if there was a deadline to meet, and the book had been hastily ended.
I enjoyed it more the second time I read it, although it still doesn't stand out as a 'great' book.

Each to their own. We'd be boring if we always agreed with each other!
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Re: Forum Writer of 2012 Competition

Postby Batty » Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:24 pm

poohcarrot wrote:
Quatermass wrote:...

What.

Well he answered the last two questions I sent to him, so he might. :dance:

The one and only time I contacted him I also received a prompt response!
What a lovely man he is! :clap:
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