So there`s this bird called Mary, yeah?
She`s a virgin ("Wossat then?") She`s not married or nuffink, but she`s got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an` that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.
One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She`s like `Oo ya lookin at?` Gabriel just goes `You got one up the duff, you have.` Mary`s totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large `Stop dissin` me yeah? I ain`t no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!`
So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who`s six months gone herself. Liz is largin` it. She`s filled with spirits, Bacardi Breezers an` that. She`s like `Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I`m well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an` that we are gonna get.` Mary goes `Yeah, s`pose you`re right`.
Mary an` Joe ain`t got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an` go dahn Befflehem on that. They get to this pub an` Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an` that. But there ain`t no room at the inn, innit?
So Mary an` Joe break an` enter into this garridge, only it`s filled wiv animals. Cahs an` sheep an` that.
Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their `eds. They`re like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus`, an` say they`re wise men from the East End. Joe goes: `If you`re so wise, wotchoo doin` wiv this Frankenstein an` myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?`
It`s all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an` sez he`s got another message from this Lord geezer. He`s like `The police is comin an` they`re killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.` Joe goes `You must be monged if you think I`m goin` dahn Egypt on a minging donkey` Gabriel sez `Suit yerself, pal. But it`s your look out if you stay.`
So they go dahn Egypt till they`ve stopped killin the first-born an` it`s safe an` that.
Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an` Jesus turns water into Stella.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.
The rest of us are a bit crap.