What you guys have experienced is horrendous. My heart breaks for anyone who has been bullied. OH COME ON... lets us the right word here.... ABUSED!
I dont remember any bullying as a small child... but then I lived in VERY tiny towns and if you put a foot wrong in a very tiny town then someones mother/father/big brother etc would pull you up pretty fast... THEN you would have to deal with your own parents. The one saving grace to living in tiny towns is that you learn to get along with everyone. You have to.
Do you think the fact that I had 6 older brothers helped? Mind you ..... I personally think the older sisters were more terrifying.
And lets face it.... if I could survive being no: 11 of 12 I could survive school. Hell... I think our family was larger than some schools.
Yes I got bullied once I hit the bigger cities for school. But I was a total geek, tallest in the class, socks pulled up, tie in the right place, fat/skinny at times, gold rimmed glasses. I didnt understand it. Just got on with what I had to do. Looking back I was like that kitten that has a large ferocious dog barking at it looking like its going to tear it apart and the kitten just looks non-plus at it and walks off. And you know me. Talk under water... I was shy as a mouse but was taught "manners" so always said a cheery hello
and asked after everyone... even the bullies. Tended to throw them I think.
I was this tall skinny girl who ate like a horse when my brother was killed in an accident when I was 14. I suddenly became the tall fat girl. I always remember walking down the school drive in high school and seeing all these kids lined up in a row. When I walked past they all raised their hand... like you do when you hail a bus. THAT joke got a bit much after the first few weeks... but then I got deadly sick at school one day, ambulances and sirens and stuff and after a few weeks in hospital came back as the tall skinny girl. Think it scared them a bit so they dropped it
so all in all I had it easy to what you guys did.
MY girls on the other hand...
My oldest was very much like me... the tall geek.. well thats how she saw herself, but the same, she didnt understand it and just got ON with school. Mind you... I turned up at her primary school in grade 3 and found her being beaten up something shocking.
Pulled her out there and then and put her in another school. Best thing I ever did. She bloomed at the new school! I could have only done it because a family around the corner from me drove her to the new school every day for me as there were no buses from my area.
In high school she just hung out with the other "geeks" (still does). A mass of geeks is a formidable thing! They will debate you into submission!
She lost her beloved dad as a teen so I think she was battling with that so much that the bullying was just a minor annoyance. She actually suffered bullying as a young adult in share housing (which is common here for students and such). She is still an "alternate" kind of girl and has found her place in the world at 25 and her friends are the BEST people I could hope for. All of them have been bullied to massive lengths and support each other tremendously. The sad sad sad part is that so many of them are on medications as adults because of what they suffered as teens.
My middle child... ohhhh dear... she actually had to leave high school in senior as the bullying got so bad. Destroyed her. Totally destroyed her. She suffered from massive depression and I feared for her. It was a dark dark time for her. I personally wanted to string the kids up. Mental care here is abmismal but on the plus side she was SO bad that we got treatment for her and managed to break into her depression to the extent that she finished her high schooling at a college where other kids attended who had dropped out of school (mainly because of bullying). Because they had suffered they all understood each other and it was the last thing on their agenda. As she put it... "School without the bullsh*t!" So she at least got her schooling... but I feel her world would have been wide open if she had had a more formal education.
Funny thing... and I include you lot in this.... I wished it had never happened... but the kids she attended school with and the older daughters friends; they are all strong young adults. The kids who DID the bullying in high school are still idiots; dont seem to have life dreams or plans, just bopping along with the same high school idiots who idolised them, still immature. The ones who GOT bullied seem a whole lot more mature and have a better world view. Yeah?
As for Hayden....
She had no speech for so long and her speech is still blurred and hard to understand; and intellectually impaired. The earlier years broke my heart when she came home from school with her lips trembling and then her bursting into tears. Kids can be cruel to different children. But I realise that those years were a piece of cake compared to the teenage years in high school. This is the biggest trial of all and I feel powerless to help in so many ways. At least as a special needs kid she is on the radar and the school has stepped in early if its reported... but you know kids... they are a sly bunch and manage to get around the authorities.
They pretend to be nice to her and then set her up for a massive fall emotionally. I worry about boys too. It turns out that H's safety is the no: 1 consideration in her condition
Thats so wrong! We shall see what happens.... I am taking it one day at a time for the moment. I am at a loss. I had a lady serving me in the chemist last night who recognised Hayden and who left the counter to talk to me about H's school. She has a special needs teen son who is suffering shockingly at his high school and wanted to know how H's was for bullying. That desperate look parents get in their eyes.... I know it well. All we want is a safe place for our children who have SO much already to deal with.
And yeah chilli... I know EXACTLY where you are coming from (and there are other parents on here going through the same thing.... another thing this forum is wonderful for ... support!)
I still hate the "bullying" word. Its abuse and the correct word should be taught to children AND adults from the earliest age.
Just keep swimming... just keep swimming.. just keep swimming....