My friend Mary was in hospital after the birth of her first child, and her priest, who was a good family friend, was visiting.
A nurse walked in with a paper bag and said "Here's your contraceptives, Mary", and blushed furiously when the bloke turned round and there was the dog collar.
After she'd left, he gave Mary "a look" and she replied "I won't take them, Father, but if I get pregnant, you can bring it up in the rectory".
"Take the tablets, Mary" he replied!!