Jokes

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Re: Jokes

Postby Sister Jennifer » Wed May 21, 2014 12:21 am

My new favourite.

Undead yes -
Unperson no!
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Wed May 21, 2014 7:06 am

Sister Jennifer wrote:My new favourite.



Thanks for that, I was going to be productive this morning but have just spent an hour watching QI clips :roll:
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

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Re: Jokes

Postby michelanCello » Wed May 21, 2014 9:06 am

:lol: :lol:
Listen.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Sister Jennifer » Wed May 21, 2014 1:14 pm

The Mad Collector wrote:Thanks for that, I was going to be productive this morning but have just spent an hour watching QI clips :roll:


I'm bloody glad you wasted time as well.

I love QI.
Undead yes -
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Re: Jokes

Postby Penfold » Wed May 21, 2014 1:25 pm

It's probably one of my favourites as well. :D
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.


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Re: Jokes

Postby Ghost » Thu Jul 03, 2014 6:00 pm

Waxing is not a cure for lycanthropy
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Re: Jokes

Postby Tonyblack » Thu Jul 03, 2014 6:54 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: Love the Philip Glass joke.
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Fri Jul 04, 2014 9:45 am

Tonyblack wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: Love the Philip Glass joke.


so do I, although it probably should go on for another 500 lines :lol:
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

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Re: Jokes

Postby hnorwood » Fri Jul 04, 2014 8:19 pm

How do you tune a banjo? - No one knows!

BTW I thought the onion one referred to bagpipes...
Huge Neuroid

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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Sun Jul 06, 2014 11:07 am

A few to lighten the weekend. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:


SIX

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one
carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it
the first time.

My work is done here.

------------------------------------------------------

Water in the carburetor

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool"

===========================================

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST
WORRYSOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

HE MUST PAY

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with
me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Today's Short Reading from the Bible...

From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be
found in all corners of the earth."

Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed!....Ü
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby chris.ph » Sun Jul 06, 2014 12:14 pm

love the first one, i would do that :lol: :lol:
measuring intelligence by exam results is like measuring digestion by turd length
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Re: Jokes

Postby Penfold » Sun Jul 06, 2014 7:58 pm

As above, me too. :lol:
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.


Len Brook Photography
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Re: Jokes

Postby =Tamar » Mon Jul 07, 2014 2:18 am

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Re: Jokes

Postby Tonyblack » Mon Jul 07, 2014 10:54 am

OMC! :lol:
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Tue Aug 12, 2014 11:12 pm

:mrgreen:
Short, Sweet & Sometimes True!!!

I dialled a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but
thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes."

~~~~~
( I LOVE THIS ONE! )
My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.

~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~~~
The irony of life is that, by the time
You're old enough to know your way around,
you're not going anywhere.

~~~~~
God made man before woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer for her first question.

~~~~~
I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one.

~~~~~
A woman asks a man who is travelling with six children,
"Are all these kids yours?"
The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory
and these are customer complaints".

~~~~~

Nominated as the best short joke this year...

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles
while taking a bath.
"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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