Jokes

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Re: Jokes

Postby Ghost » Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:54 pm

:lol:
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Mon Apr 14, 2014 1:19 pm

:lol: :lol:
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Thu Apr 17, 2014 10:31 pm

Time for a snigger. :mrgreen:

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He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby meerkat » Tue Apr 22, 2014 10:32 am

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

Born free, taxed to death.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Re: Jokes

Postby michelanCello » Tue Apr 22, 2014 1:17 pm

meerkat wrote:Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

Sounds like something Lu-Tze could have said :D
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Re: Jokes

Postby janet » Tue Apr 22, 2014 8:08 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Jokes

Postby meerkat » Tue Apr 29, 2014 8:49 am

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)..

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead
chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.

The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with
airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.


American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on
the Windshields of their new high speed trains.

Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American
engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken
shot out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed
it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the
engineer's back-rest in twoand embedded itself in the back wall of the
cabin like an arrow shot from a bow..

The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the
experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the
British scientists for suggestions.

Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo: "Defrost the chicken."
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:46 am

:lol: :lol: :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Sister Jennifer » Wed Apr 30, 2014 11:38 pm

My sister bet me that I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti.

Well, you should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
Undead yes -
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Thu May 01, 2014 6:49 am

groan....
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

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Re: Jokes

Postby janet » Thu May 01, 2014 8:26 am

:lol: :mrgreen:
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Re: Jokes

Postby Sister Jennifer » Thu May 01, 2014 12:56 pm

The Mad Collector wrote:groan....


Ha!
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Re: Jokes

Postby wicked woman » Thu May 01, 2014 2:54 pm

meerkat wrote:MEDICAL STUDY ABOUT LONGEVITY

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. :D

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Of all the forces in the universe, the hardest to overcome is the force of habit. Gravity is easy-peasy by comparison.
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Re: Jokes

Postby chillicamper » Sun May 04, 2014 6:29 am

Had a dream last night that I had a past life in ancient Egypt.

I was a shop-steward for Eunuchs throughout Egypt.

I lead asuccessful strike about a dispute over severance pay :shock: :lol:
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Re: Jokes

Postby janet » Sun May 04, 2014 8:54 am

Ouch :shock: :lol:
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