Jokes

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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Tue Jun 11, 2013 3:17 pm

Dedication and Focus.

http://www.golfbytourmiss.com/gbtm/wp-c ... n-fire.png

It was later reported that his wife got out safely, and that he did indeed par the hole .... he says the divorce isn't going to be that bad, now that there's no house involved!
Last edited by Bouncy Castle on Tue Jun 11, 2013 3:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Ghost » Tue Jun 11, 2013 3:18 pm

sorry the piccy isn't working
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Re: Jokes

Postby pip » Tue Jun 11, 2013 3:19 pm

Whats up with that . All I can see is no image hotlinking
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Tue Jun 11, 2013 3:21 pm

Fine for me. I'll delete the IMG bit.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Tonyblack » Tue Jun 11, 2013 3:58 pm

Bouncy, even with the IMG codes deleted it won't show an image. You are probably able to see it because it is in your cache on your computer.
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Wed Jun 12, 2013 11:24 am

How odd.

It's a picture of a guy on a golf course, taking a shot, and in the background there's a house on fire!

Doesn't really go down so well without the photo.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Wed Jun 12, 2013 9:28 pm

A man and his wife are awakened at three o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring outside!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.

"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?" "I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby raptornx01 » Wed Jun 12, 2013 11:45 pm

:lol:
"The reason an author needs to know the rules of grammar isn't so he or she never breaks them, but so the author knows how to break them."
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Re: Jokes

Postby RSoak » Thu Jun 13, 2013 3:02 am

Two friends are dyed in the wool baseball fans...following the league day in and day out. In their long conversations about the nation's pastime, they wonder if there's any baseball in Heaven.

One day one of the friends is killed in a car accident. That night he comes to his sleeping friend as an angel.

"Steve....Steve! It's me Carl."

"Wow, you're an angel! So...so tell me...is there baseball in Heaven?"

"Well...I've got some good news...and some bad news. The good news is that there is baseball in Heaven!"

"Great! So...what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching on Friday."
It's not who you know, it's who I know. - Dad

The enemy of good is perfect. - Mom
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Thu Jun 13, 2013 8:36 pm

Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the
remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick Basteward!!


The Agony of Aging

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my
aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to
turn your clock back".


SCAM
Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favourite
18 Holes".. Turns out it's about golf.
Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

Best Regards,
Charlie Sheen


Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"
For chrissakes, if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one
made you fart?"



EASYJET
Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight.
The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane. "
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Sister Jennifer » Fri Jun 14, 2013 12:25 am

Mark Knopfler from the band Dire Straits had a dinosaur named after him.
The dinosaur responded, "Jesus, haven't you got anything more current?"
Another dinosaur asked, "Who's Jesus?"
Jesus answered, "There are no dinosaurs!"
Undead yes -
Unperson no!
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Fri Jun 14, 2013 6:54 pm

The Polite Way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying:
'That would be rude and impolite’.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said:
'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the
word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said:
'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a
moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted.
:mrgreen: :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby hnorwood » Fri Jun 14, 2013 8:30 pm

Bouncy Castle wrote:How odd.

It's a picture of a guy on a golf course, taking a shot, and in the background there's a house on fire!

Doesn't really go down so well without the photo.

If you google images with "golfer house on fire" is the fist image the one you mean?
Huge Neuroid

Angst-Lesspork
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Mon Jun 17, 2013 8:13 am

Yuz
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Tonyblack » Mon Jun 17, 2013 10:11 am

What an arse! :lol: Typical golfer. I hate golfers. :lol:
"Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to."
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