Jokes

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Re: Jokes

Postby Dotsie » Thu May 23, 2013 11:35 am

Interesting bicycle rack.
What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Re: Jokes

Postby pip » Thu May 23, 2013 11:41 am

Yes . A bike is what we are all thinking of parking there
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Re: Jokes

Postby Tonyblack » Thu May 23, 2013 11:43 am

Those arches are really quite beautifully built.
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Re: Jokes

Postby pip » Thu May 23, 2013 11:46 am

So Tony is the one with a foot thing cos I never made it as far as her arches
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Re: Jokes

Postby Square12 » Thu May 23, 2013 11:47 am

Also the arches form a very useful passage for tradesmen to enter Paris.
If you can fill the unforgiving minute,
With sixty seconds worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a man my son.
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Re: Jokes

Postby raptornx01 » Thu May 23, 2013 1:14 pm

:lol:
"The reason an author needs to know the rules of grammar isn't so he or she never breaks them, but so the author knows how to break them."
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Thu May 23, 2013 3:05 pm

What about the tunnel leading to the bridge. :mrgreen:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Ghost » Thu May 23, 2013 3:09 pm

Image
Ooh you cheeky little sea winkle
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Thu May 23, 2013 7:23 pm

:lol: :lol:
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

http://www.bearsonthesquare.com
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Thu May 30, 2013 5:29 pm

Warning: This message may contain course language, nudity and/or violence
that may not be suitable for all Email recipients. Your discretion is advised.

SCOTTISH WEDDING
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...
"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made
your life worth living."
The bartender was almost crushed to death.

SEX
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore ….. A friend of mine
was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

New Book
A man goes into Chapters and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have
the new book out for men with short penises?"
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"

Poor Lance Armstrong -
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated
Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7
Tour de France races, while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Square12 » Thu May 30, 2013 9:41 pm

A Scotsman is setting in a bar in Havana back in the 70s when a man with a big black bushy beard walks in, orders a large Whisky knocks it back and goes to walk out, the Barman says "hey what about paying?" And the bearded guy says "castros republican army" and leaves, this happens several times. Then the Scotsman decides its time to leave so as he stands up he says "castros republican army" and the Barman says "where's your beard?" So the Scotsman says quick as a flash, while at the same time lifting his kilt "secret service"
If you can fill the unforgiving minute,
With sixty seconds worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a man my son.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Who's Wee Dug » Thu May 30, 2013 9:42 pm

:lol: :lol:
He willnae tak' a drink! I think he's deid! , on the other hand though A Midgie in yir hand is worth twa up yir kilt.
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Re: Jokes

Postby Bouncy Castle » Fri May 31, 2013 11:24 am

An elderly Scottish Jew decided to slow down and take up golf, so he applied for membership at the local club.

After a week he received a message that his application has been rejected. He went to the club to enquire as to why he was not eligible.

Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?

Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, MacTavish.

Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear the kilt.

Scot: Aye, so do I.

Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under the kilt?

Scot: Aye, neither do I.

Secretary: But you are a Jew?

Scot: Aye, I be that.

Secretary: So you are circumcised...?

Scot: Aye, I be that, too.

Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.

Scot: Ach, away with ya, man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen, and I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus ...... but this is the first time I've heard that you have to be a COMPLETE Prick to join a golf club.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

The rest of us are a bit crap.
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Re: Jokes

Postby The Mad Collector » Fri May 31, 2013 12:10 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
One of those? Oh I'm sure I have one somewhere..

http://www.bearsonthesquare.com
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Re: Jokes

Postby raisindot » Fri May 31, 2013 1:31 pm

Joolz wrote:Below is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris . It is the oldest bridge in Paris and took 26 years to build. It was completed in 1604

Image


Notice in this engineering marvel how there appears to be no visible means of support.
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